The Bee

Back-up Plan

2011-01-20T12:11:00.000-05:00

I know the show is over - and went down in flames imho (pun totally intended). But who new Alex from Lost was going to resort to auditioning on American Idol?

I Mock Because I Love.

2010-07-02T16:59:00.004-04:00

I LOVE me some Eric Hutchinson. And I'm not too cool to admit that I also love me some Justin Timberlake. But what could be better than Eric Hutchinson playfully mocking J.T.??

The Maryland House

2010-06-03T12:55:00.002-04:00

Congratulations to my husband Edo!! He was the recipient of an award recently from The Maryland Historical Trust. He and a small crew of guys from his work spent some time last year restoring an old building on the property of the Baltimore Zoo. I have been to the Zoo several times and when he tried to explain to me the building he was working on I was baffled. After seeing some of the before pictures I get it now. The thing was covered in weeds and bushes and no one would ever have though much of it.

At the awards ceremony I learned some of the history of the building:

The Maryland Building was designed by noted Baltimore architect George A. Frederick for the 1876 Centennial Exposition in Philadelphia. It is one of only two State buildings that have survived, the other being the Ohio Building. The building was dismantled and relocated to the Maryland Zoo after the close of the Exposition and had fallen into a state of disrepair in recent years. Rather than demolish the deteriorated, but salvageable building, the Maryland Zoo chose to restore the building for classroom and administrative use. The building has been carefully restored, including historically accurate paint colors and exterior detailing, while meeting all modern safety, accessibility, and functional requirements.

I did some googling and was able to find a very cool site through the Free Library of Philadelphia with information about the Exposition.

Below is a slide show with some of the before and after pictures of The Maryland House. Note: Don't let those Amish guys fool you - according to my husband they totally use power tools!

What a Collosal Waste of 6 years

2010-05-30T12:31:00.000-04:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Someone Call John Walsh!

2010-05-28T13:34:00.000-04:00

I guest Blogged on my mom's site today...

(WARNING: this post is Epic in length but totally worth the read)

For several weeks my friends and I have been kicking ass and taking names at Charm City Trivia! We're ranked first at our local - not that I'm bragging. This week my mom and Kirk came with us and as usual we were unstoppable! We won two free rounds of shots for the whole team, a $20 gift card for the restaurant and a trashy Blue Moon beer t-shirt. A good time was had by all. But that's a story for another day.

After last night's win I decided to keep the party going (since I didn't have work the next day - who doesn't loves holiday weekends??) One of my friends suggested a dive bar down the street that I had never been to. I have seen this place from the outside since I was a little girl - it's the back half of a liquor store and its situated nicely between a Goodwill Superstore and a KFC.
Classy.
I was hesitant but she assured me it would be fun. "They have an arcade bowling game! You'll love it."

I am a sucker for games.
So we went ... my friends Carrie & Will, my husband and myself. I got out of the car and walked up to the front door to meet Will. Meanwhile Carrie and my husband were hanging back in the lot because my husband found a snakeskin at work that day and couldn't wait to show her ... look I never said we weren't trashy. Let's remember where we were though; it fit.

As we walked up to the front some guy was standing outside smoking and he offered a friendly greeting which I returned and then quickly lost eye contact. I gave Carrie the stink eye for talking me into going there and she started busting up laughing just knowing what we were in for.

We walked inside and the smell was a bit off-putting. Musty old carpet and 40 years of drinking and smoking that had seeped into the wood paneling on the walls. It wasn't the greatest but I've seen worse. So we grabbed a seat. Will went up to the bar to order drinks and asked some of the regulars if there was anything on draft or just bottles. The two regulars looked at each other like he was speaking a foreign language. They had no idea what a draft beer was. They thought he meant like Heineken vs. Budweiser; and of course they had no time for some yuppie that wanted a fancy beer. Eventually he got the bartender's attention and ordered two Yeungling bottles to be on the safe side. The rest of the bar was populated with about half a dozen middle aged men. Alone. Drinking themselves into oblivion. This was not a social bar - it was a strait alcoholic's bar. There was one guy sitting at a table alone that I was concerned might be unconscious, or worse, but Carrie assured me he was fine. How she knew that without putting a mirror to his mouth is beyond me but I took her word for it.
Then I realized all the shots and Mai Tai's from trivia were hitting my bladder hard.

Me: "How's the bathroom here?"

Carie: "Not bad ... if you don't mind showers curtains!"

Holy shit. WTF does that mean?!?! Is the door to the bathroom a shower curtain? Am I expected to pee in a bathtub? I mean seriously - this was not going to be good.
I ventured around the corner to the restrooms - on the way I passed an old shopping cart in the hall. How or why that was there I will never know. I found the bathrooms. One marked MEN and one marked BITCHES. Sweet. But - at least it was an actual door. This was a good sign and I began to think that maybe Carrie was exaggerating. As I opened the door I knew I was wrong. The smell of a dead body smacked me in the face. Where I found the strength to continue on I will never know; maybe my bladder is really just that weak. As I looked around the "bathroom" I discovered what Carrie was talking about. I came face to face with two stalls - no doors - just shower curtains. And not just any shower curtains - fancy shower curtains (exactly like the picture below.) They clearly spared no expense. Although, I'm pretty certain it was one shower curtain cut in half and split between the two stalls.

Using the actual toilet was it's own adventure. The shower curtains are not on any kind of rod - they are nailed to the molding over the stall. So you can't even slide it out of the way you just have to plow through. Then once I got in position I realized that the shower curtain is hung less than an inch away from the edge of the toilet seat. So while you're sitting/squatting there, not only your knees but your FACE is rubbing up against the curtain. God knows what has touch that thing. Honestly - if someone else was to walk into the bathroom while you're on the toilet they would totally see the outline of a person with two knees sticking out the sides.

Seriously - whats the point?? The only thing this shower curtain is doing is helping the spread of herpes.

I peed and wiped and ran the hell out of there. I didn't even stop to look at the sink to wash my hands. I was surely cleaner not even touching the faucet. When I get back to the table I got some Purell from Carrie and asked if we could leave. She couldn't stop laughing and the guys were just clueless. They assumed I was over-reacting and continued to concentrate on their Keno.

I dragged everyone outside for a "cigarette break" which was really just and excuse to tell them my horror story and breathe some fresh air. I demanded that we call John Walsh from America's Most Wanted because we could easily solve about 10 murders on the spot. The DNA evidence was all over my face!

There were a few more awkward moments involving 10 homeless guys in the woods and a midget but I don't want to blow your mind so I'll spare you.

I left as soon as possible and could not get in the shower quick enough when I got home.

I texted Carrie that night and told her I had self-diagnosed syphilis. Carrie replied "Not bad. At least it's curable!"

F.I.R.S.T.

2010-03-28T19:35:00.004-04:00

Remember that show Robot Wars? For years they televised what they refered to as "The Sport of Roboteering". That might be a bit of a stretch on the definition of the word sport, but I get what they mean.

My cousin has been on one of these teams for several years but I never totally got it. Well this weekend they had a Regional Competition in sunny Philadelphia and I was able to watch the whole thing via live stream online. It was simultaneously on of the coolest and easily one of the dorkiest things I have ever had the pleasure to enjoy (and I have done some dorky shit in my life.)

It was basically a glorified game of foosball where each team partner up with two other teams and got their robots to shoot goals, block the nets and hang on a pole for a bonus! I didn't totally get it and at times I wasn't even sure which team I was supposed to be cheering for but trust me it was impressive.

But as much as I respected the genius it took for these kids to build and operate these robots, I still couldn't ignore the fact that, for the most part, they were super nerds. I mean with team names like "Positrinic Panthers" and some thing about Vicotious Vulcans or Killer Klingons or some crap, I can't pretend like they were cool. Luckily my cousin team name is "The Brigaid" - perfectly respectable and not at all nerdy. Good job Tony. To make it worse at one point the whole crowd did a geek-tastic rendition of the Cha Cha Slide. I was dying inside. But as much as these kids surely get made fun of, you can't deny that they are all headed for good places in their future. Indeed "The Geek Shall Inherit The Earth."

Historic Bromo Seltzer Clock Restoration

2010-03-17T20:44:00.001-04:00

My husband is working on the most amazing project at work. He's part of a very small team of guys in charge of re-finishing the hands of the most famous timepiece in Baltimore; the historic Bromo Seltzer Tower. The tower and it's clock were built in 1911 and it's about to celebrate it's 100th anniversary. Unfortunately the clock face on the south side of the tower has not been working for several years so now they're going to fix it. As part of this they are actually taking the hands off of the clock and completely restoring them. The whole event has already been getting decent coverage in the local news.

I found a clip from the local CBS affiliate, WJZ, that included a quick shot of my husband at the very end - I'm not able to embed it but I do have the link to share. http://wjz.com/video/?id=68669@wjz.dayport.com

I also found some great pictures from maryland daily record.

Muse & Dry Humping

2010-03-04T14:33:00.004-05:00

Anyone who knows me - knows that I am a hermit. But this year for my husband's birthday I bought him tickets to see a band that has been a favorite of his for almost 10 years, Muse. And I could have told him to take a friend but I thought it would be even more amazing if I actually said I would go with him. So last night I found myself elbow to elbow with one of the smelliest groups of people I have ever encountered. The texting with my friends and family began almost immediately ...

8:23 ME: I kinda hate being here, already.

8:24 WILL: I was wondering about you.

8:34 ME: Ok we're in our seats now so I'm happier. Plus I spotted a Starter jacket so that's mad decent.

8:35 WILL: Ha ha ha ha

8:36 ME: I seriously think John Park is sitting 3 rows up from us.

8:41 MOM: Call his name.

8:47 JAMIE: Ha ha u r retarded! He's asian, they all look the same.

8:48 JAMIE: Bowersox killed it dude!

8:49 ME: No! Don't tell me! I'm DVRing it.

8:54 ME: He's wearing teal pants and Kanye sunglasses it's pretty sweet.

8:56 WILL: Sounds phenominal.

9:09 ME: Ok, I just had a mild seizure.

9:10 WILL: Why?

9:10 ME: LASER - LIGHT - SHOW

9:31 ME: And they are doing the Michael Buble song.

9:32 WILL: What? Really? Now that's cool.

9:34 ME: Muse is major laser.

THOUGHTS:

That starter jacket was seriously sweet - it brought me straight back to middle school.

How sad is it that I was worrying about the American Idol Top 10 girls performances I was missing instead of enjoying the live performance by a legit band that was RIGHT INFRONT OF MY FACE?

The "Michael Buble" song I was refering to is Feeling Good which is not really Buble's song. It's was written in the 60's for a musical and has been covered by artists like John Coltrane, Olivia Newton-John, Eels, Ben Taylor, George Micheal and The Pussycat Dolls. But I think pretty much everyone knows it as the "Michael Buble" song so that's what I went with.

I didn't mention it in the texts but there was a couple across the isle from us dry humping the entire time and I felt like a criminal everytime my eyes would wonder from the stage to them .... but seriously how do you not look at that??

There were some confusing times when we couldn't decided if we were going to stay in our seats or stand in front of them and awkwardly "dance" like all the kids do. Once, I finally made up my mind that we were going to stand - but then the next song they played was "Supermassive Black Hole." Unfortunately this is is the song from the Twilight movie soundtrack which ment I had to sit immediately back down so everyone around us didn't think I was just a Twi-hard and not really a Muse fan (and you guys know I am a complete Twi-hard so this was against my grain.)

A Tribute to Paul Reubens

2010-03-03T13:21:00.003-05:00

Many people seem to remember the great Paul Reubens for his less than glorious 1991 charges involving a popcorn bucket and a porno. But I like to remember him as the kooky? zanny? crazy? creepy? Pee Wee Herman. Or even better - for his role in Blow (great movie by the way - if you haven't seen it make it happen!).

I know I'm not alone in my appreciation of him but even I was surprised when one of Paul Reubens' biggest fans showed up in the strangest of places last night. On my television, smack dab in the middle of my American Idol.

I had no idea that Jermaine Sellers had such love for the man. But clearly after the bow tie / gray jacket / forehead poof presentation he gave, there can be no doubt. Maybe next week he will paint his face blue and honor the amazing John Paragon (aka Jambi the Genie.)

Ever get a box of forks?

2010-02-26T22:35:00.000-05:00

Comedy Central Presents

Friday 10pm / 9c

Sebastian Maniscalco - Ross for Less

www.comedycentral.com

Joke of the Day

Stand-Up Comedy

Free Online Games

Ross, Marsalls, T.J. Max - whatever you call it - they're all the same and I think we've ALL been there.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-02-10T20:59:00.000-05:00

F M L

2010-02-09T18:30:00.070-05:00

I imagine most of you have at least heard about the Epic snow the Northeast U.S. has been getting lately. I know it's nothing compared to the snow that some people get on the regular and I don't want to be that person that complains about something when it's not really all that bad. But after my morning commute ... I am officially complaining. My office decided to give us "liberal leave" so it was up to us to decide if we could make it in. If it were up to me I would have stayed in bed but my carpool buddy, Will, was the responsible one. He figured since we're getting another foot of snow tonight this might be our only chance to get some work done.

* Over-Achiever *

So I agreed to go. As usual, he drove to my house and planned to park in my husband's space and I would drive the rest of the way to work. I was sitting at the front window watching my ~~moron~~ sweet neighbor walk her dog down the luge that is our street when he pulled up. He clearly eyed the two spaces on either side of my car trying to figure out which one was ours and which one was our neighbor's. He then began the process of parking in said space and believe me it wasn't pretty. He almost ate it at least half-a-dozen times and there were more than a couple cars that almost went with him. Finally he made it and came up to meet me. He walked in the door -- we hadn't even made eye contact yet when he said:

"That's not Edo's space is it?"

"Nope"

"Are you F'ing kidding me?!?! @#$##*& @#@#$** $#%**(!!@&&*+"

I had to laugh but suggested that he just drive to work since he was going to have to move his car anyway. He reluctantly agreed.

He warned me that it had taken him 45 minutes to get to my house even though it usually takes only 10 so I knew we were in for an advetnure. We left the house with hopes that the main roads would be cleared even if the neighborhoods weren't.

We are fools.

An hour later we finally made it to the ramp onto Interstate 95 when the unimaginable happened. A driver, about 10 cars ahead of us, broke down ... in the middle of the road ... in between two 8 foot high snow banks ... ON AN OVERPASS.

My panic disorder kicked into high gear.

It was so ridiculous that I didn't even think people at work would believe us when we told them why we were so late. So I decided I would video tape the situation. Just then a driver from a few cars behind us decided to get out and investigate the situation. It was perfection. I eventually got to work but I still wish I had stayed home. We were stuck on that overpass for longer than me and my blood pressure care to remember.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the extra foot of snow we get tonight convinces the-powers-that-be to close my office. I don't know if I can go through it again.

P.S. Thanks so much for all the Happy Birthday Wishes!!

Worldless Wednesday

2010-02-03T06:47:00.001-05:00

My husband brought this unox brand sausage knit cap home from Holland last year and insisted on embarrassing me with it by wearing it in the grocery store.

Those Brits are So Clever

2010-02-01T21:37:00.003-05:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Some People Have a Sweet Tooth ...

2010-01-26T15:07:00.002-05:00

You may already know that I carpool from Baltimore to D.C. every day with my friend Will. It saves us gas money and also gives us time to talk some major bull-shit. This morning in the car Will told me a story about a conversation he had with some other friends at happy hour last week.

He was at the bar with his girlfriend, Dawn as well as another couple, Sam and Sarah.

During casual - happy hour type - conversation, Will brought up some guy that would occasionally come into the bar with home-made beef jerky and offer it up to all the patrons. Someone then jokingly implied that the guy was probably a serial killer and was making jerky out of his victims and then unbeknown to everyone else, they were actually eating people. Muwahahahaha!

Kind of funny - kind of gross but whatever.

Sarah then went on to say that if it WAS human jerky she would try it – just to see how it tasted – you know, just to see if maybe she liked it.

Will was floored (as was I when I heard this). He asked her what she would do if she ended up liking it – would she go around sizing up everyone she saw and think “Mmmm, they look tasty!”

Her response: “I don’t know … maybe.”
Will looked to Sam for some support and also an indication that he knew his wife was bat shit crazy.

Sam’s point of view is that he too would taste human flesh – but only if it was his own.

He said that, for example, if his arm somehow got cut off he would go ahead and take a bite.
(Or some shit like that – perhaps he mentioned cooking it first or waiting until the blood stopped pumping or something – as if it matters. Minor details really.)

As if that makes it better!!! I didn't actually think it could get worse than what Sarah propsed, but in retro-spect I think Sam as actually accomplished it with this statement.

When Will looked at Dawn for her opinion she said there was no way she would have any desire to eat another person. (Thank God)

Will concluded by telling Sam & Sarah ...

“Well, I’m NEVER going hiking with you bitches!”

Nicely put Will.

But maybe I am being naive here. Perhaps there are a larger number of people than expected who would, if given the opportunity, ya know, take a bite. Let's hear it people how many of you are there out there?? Since you might not want to admit it but I am crazy-curious to find out the truth - check out the ANONYMOUS poll in the sidebar. I need to get to the bottom of this.

Restaurant Week in Charm City!

2010-01-20T18:46:00.001-05:00

Restaurant Week and my sister's birthday are both this week. In honor, we will be having dinner at Jack's Bistro. Unfortunately, when I looked up the special menu for this week I found this picture. It looks like some kind of George Orwell nightmare. Now I'm just scared.

Yet Another Reason...

2010-01-13T08:51:00.010-05:00

That Kara DioGuardi is a bane of my existence.

You guys already know that I am and a huge fan of crappy television so get ready for some crap-tastic posts because it's that time of year again...American Idol is back!

Last night was the Season 9 opener and I was pretty unimpressed with Boston's offerings. But the most disturbing part of the show was the segment on a young man named Andrew Fenlon. Am I upset because he was rude to Simon? Or because he was "angry" with Kara? Or because he was a weird guy with weird glasses?

No. I am upset because Fox thinks we are all morons. But in reality, the moron is Kara.

This guy was clearly a fake. He was putting on a show - acting like a strange, weird kid with a strange brown shirt, a goofy haircut and weird too big glasses. He acted like some kind of an outcast. ACTED being the important word here. Take a second look people - this guy is totally the captain of the football team, homecoming king and all that jazz. He's a good looking guy under those glasses and I'm not the only one that noticed. Skip to minute 1:18 on the video and you'll see that even Kara and Victoria Beckham thought he was cute from the second they laid eyes on him ... notice Kara's "Hel-lo" when he walks in the room. That's not just any hello ... we know what that hello means Kara. It means you want to cover him in honey and keep him in your basement.

But then he takes his act too far and gives unnecessary and unfunny responses to Simon's questions and it's downhill from there. Even after giving a great performance ... yes, I said it ... a GREAT performance. Re-watch it people (he starts singing at 2:18.) Yeah his voice cracks once or twice in the beginning but no one is perfect and he was nervous or maybe it wasn't the best song choice or whatever but that was a pretty brilliant vocal (for me, for you, for me.) And I think the judges realized it too. But unfortunately for Mr. Fenlon the resident brain surgeon, Kara DioGuardi, was the first judge to put her two sense in. She freaks out about his "fake" attitude and it was all she wrote.

Now, I'm not sure if Fox put this kid up to it or if he thought of this shenanigans on his own but either way it was stupid. He or they or whoever are idiots for thinking the audience wouldn't see through it. Kara is apparently the only one stupid enough to fall for it.

Can I get an Amen? Please tell me someone else was on to this guy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_rCDjDi8wA

Life Goes On Bra

2010-01-04T06:18:00.000-05:00

Those of you that read my mother's blog should already be aware of how I spent my New Year's Eve. That's right we had a Battle Royale ... Rock Band style. We practiced for days to get ready to kick some Beatles Rock Band ass against the lesser gender. We spent days making costumes - to be not only fiercely intimating, but cute at the same time!

However, we got our asses handed to us because my 15 year old cousin is a video game savant. I'm not sure we'll ever live it down. Next time I need Ukulele Boy on my team!

Reindeer Games

2010-01-03T17:43:00.000-05:00

After Christmas dinner, several of the members of my family decided it was time to play a game. We had too many people for cards (which is what we usually do - spades or canasta etc.) so we pulled out Catch Phrase. Unfortunately we had an odd number of players and needed one more person to even out the teams. I was yelling for my cousin Jessica to come in from the other room and play with us but she was not having it. She wanted no part in the game (I still don't know why though.) After about 10 minutes of waiting for her to just give in and come play with us my Aunt Stacy hatched a plan. It was short and sweet and to the point. A "no frills" kind of plan which is just the kind I like.

"Let's duct tape her to a chair."

After her suggestion, which was kind of said in a joking manner, my sister and I looked at each other ... then looked at Stacy. No words were exchanged but we knew we were in.

One person got a suitable chair, one person found the duct tape and one person went to tell Jessica that we needed her for something. Moments later hilarity ensued. It took several of us to keep her down long enough to get a good "Wrap" but, as you can see, we succeeded.

Once she stopped struggling and accepted her fate she asked,

"What is this for?!?!"
"We wanted you to play Catch Phrase!"
"... Well I'm still not playing."

Ugh. We ended up getting someone else to fill in the extra player but it just wasn't the same.

Worldless Wednesday

2009-12-30T10:21:00.000-05:00

This is just a teaser - I'll give the full explaination in my next post. You won't want to miss it.

White Christmas!

2009-12-19T12:01:00.001-05:00

Last night my office at our Christmas Party. The infamous Will took the opportunity to sport is most festive attire. And as expected, the red sweater / green tie combo was quite a crowd pleaser. There was good food and nice company; a good time was had by all (the open bar didn't hurt either.)

Then this morning I woke up to several inches of snow on the ground! This is the second snow fall of the season for us in the Mid-Atlantic but this one is far more significant than the first and has been officially categorized as a blizzard. Looks like it will be a White Christmas this year. Too bad I won't be here to enjoy it. I just checked the 10 day forecast for Amsterdam - looks like lots of cold and rain - yippie.

Sibling Bribery

2009-12-17T07:17:00.003-05:00

Semi Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-16T07:30:00.006-05:00

You know you guys can always count on me to watch the cheesiest t.v. shows out there. This week has been no exception. I'm officially a fan of the new show The Sing Off and I'm sorry it's only going to be on for one week. If you're a fan of music or singing, really bad broadway style dance or cutesy matching sweaters then set your DVRs people.

Poor Telly Monster

2009-12-15T09:53:00.004-05:00

I can't believe that Christmas is next week. More than that, I can't believe my trip is next week and I am so not ready. I don't even know if I have my suitcase. I did my final shopping this weekend for some little gifts for neices and nephews (of course when I got home my husband reminded me that I forgot about one so I need to go out again. ugh.) I think I'm going to need an extra suitcase just for the presents. Is that crazy?

I also bought a new scarf and gloves for myself. Amsterdam easily beats Seattle for the wettest weather ever and this time of year it's freaking freezing. On top of that - we do a ton of walking while we're there, so I need to be prepared. My winter coat is navy blue and the scarf I found included several shades of blue as well as green and purple. Then I found a pair of purple chenile gloves to match - super cute!

I couldnt wait to wear my new acceseries to work Monday morning - but things quickly took a turn for the worse. By the time I got to the office, my super cute purple chenile gloves has shed purple fuzz all over my navy coat.

It looked like I murdered a muppet.

I'm hoping this is only because they are new. Do you think if I run them through the wash it will help?

Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-09T05:58:00.004-05:00

Skating on the frozen canals of Amsterdam.

The Final Countdown ...

2009-12-04T12:23:00.012-05:00

For the last two days on my way to work I have been witnessing the most bizarre sequence of road signs displayed. I will now share with you the progression as I have seen it and I challenge you to explain it.

(fyi -these are not photos of the actual signs I saw - I'm not that good)

_________________________________________________

These signs are being displayed on US Route 100 in Maryland. US Route 1 is a few exits down from the stretch I usually drive but it is NOT a major highway. It has traffic lights - it's nothing special. On top of that, 2 exits before it is the Baltimore-Washington Pkwy, THAT is a major highway; and 2 exits further down is freaking Interstate 95! Why did the road workers feel the need to remind everyone how far they were from Route 1?

________________________________________________

If that wasn't strange enough - less than a mile down the road we get this sign.

WTF Thanks for the countdown?

Is this some new program I'm not aware of?

_______________________________________________

Seriously - is there something you should be telling us here? I mean, since when is 6am on a Thursday the prime time for drunk drivers? I think most people are fairly conscious of looking out for dangerous drivers on the road but is this really the time and place for the sign?

______________________________________________

O-K ... Maybe I should move.

Is this what my tax dollars are paying for?

Was there just an over abundance of prisoners on work release this month - just trying to keep them busy? Or are the 911 operators bored and looking for someone to chat with?

Not So Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-02T05:59:00.001-05:00

I totally won concert tickets on the radio today! I've never won ANYTHING before. It's so exciting. The concert isn't until March and it's on a Tuesday night which blows but maybe I will just use it as an excuse to take a day off of work. Okay I'm excited again. Now I just have to figure out who to give my extra ticket to ... hmm.

By the way - the tickets are for Norah Jones; love her!

I hope the seats are good. Ugh, the claustrophobic, agoraphobic, panic stricken nut inside me is already getting anxious that I might not have an isle seat.

Have any of you ever won anything on the radio before?

Mike Doughty

2009-11-27T17:44:00.007-05:00

Thanksgiving Eve I went to see Mike Doughty play at the Recher Theater in Towson with my husband and 4 friends. Traffic was a little hairy but other than that it was a pretty great night. I know most people are wondering "Who the hell is Mike Doughty?" Most of the people I know asked me the same question. In fact, we had two extra tickets and ended up eating one and giving the other away to someone we met at the door. Not exactly a ringing endorsement for the guy but I swear he's good! He was the singer for a band called Soul Coughing in the 90's that is a little more recognizable.

The music was good and all, but people watching was the highlight. There were mountain man beards a plenty; which, as I've mentioned before, are a favorite of mine. Lots of really bad white-hippy-dancing (REALLY bad) and totally uncalled for white-hippy-dreadlocks. The most entertaining though was the tragic group of "friends" sitting in front of us. At first it was two 20-something girlfriends who showed up together and saved a seat for a third friend who would obviously joining them soon. That third friend ended up being a guy - and the awkwardness ensued. Mystery Man showed up for what he was clearly expecting to be a "date" with Girl #1 and looked just a bit disappointed to see Girl #2 there. But Girl #1 was clearly not into Mystery Man and in fact spent most of the evening pretending he wasn't there. This of course lead to much awkward small talk between Mystery Man and Girl #2 and an excess amount of obviously urgent business on his iphone. Once the music started they all at least had something to distract themselves. But a few songs in, he went for the hand-hold and Girl #1 wasn't having any of it. So sad. Poor Mystery Man. He clearly wasn't even a fan of Mike Doughty; the whole night he was preoccupied with this iphone and her hand until the encore when Doughty played one of his hits from Soul Coughing and suddenly Mystery Man was a singing - head-bobbing maniac. So tragic.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-11-25T22:41:00.003-05:00

Team Taylor

2009-11-24T06:20:00.004-05:00

I was torn when I went to see New Moon this weekend. There were some really great improvements in this movie as compared to Twilight but I can't help but come away with an overall disappointed feeling. To make it worse ... I wasn't even expecting it to be all that great. The first movie wasn't great and we all know the movie is never as good as the book but that shouldn't stop the producers from at least trying right?

I could go on and on about this and bore everyone to tears but instead I'm just going to list out what I saw as (to use one of my husband's favorite movies) The Good, The Bad and The Ugly parts of The Twilight Saga: New Moon. (And because he was such a trooper going to the movie with me and suffering through all the girlie squealing from the audience - I'm giving my husband's opinions as well)

The Good:

Taylor Lautner: Not only is he super cute but also one of the better actors in the central cast.
They FINALLY got The Meadow right! Making Bella and Edward's meadow dead and brown when Bella goes in search of a way to connect to Edward after he leaves was nicely done - a point that would have been even more appreciated by movie goers if they hadn't completely botched the meadow scene in the first movie.
The Volturi: Michael Sheen and Dakota Fanning were great and I can't wait to see more of them in the next two movies.
Bella's school friends: Once again these kids were some scene-stealing bitches and I love them for it. They add a much needed sense of light and humor to the movies.
The 360 shot of Bella: Something that I think Stephenie Meyer did great in this book was the blank pages she added in the middle of the book to portray the emptiness and depression that Bella goes through after Edward left her. I didn't expect this to be included in the movie but when I saw it - at the risk of sounding cheesy - it took my breath away.
The Soundtrack!
Jasper attacking Bella at the birthday party (my husband's opinion)

The Bad:

Pretty much every scene with Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson together: It's my humble opinion that Kristen Stewart could not act her way out of a paper bag and to make things worse she has dragged Robert Pattinson down with her. The two of them need to get over themselves. Every time either of them was on screen it was just awkward and painful to watch. Ms. Stewart seems to think that the key to good dramatic acting is biting her lip and shaking her head. What I wouldn't give to be able to get in a time machine and stab Catherine Hardwick in the neck before she made that casting decision.
Not enough wolf-pack! These guys were great and - like the school friends - added some much needed fun. Can't wait to see more of them in the next movies.
The death scene for Laurent (my husband's opinion)

The Ugly (and I do mean UGLY):

Did I mention that Kristen's acting is ridiculous? because it is
Pizza Toss / Wrench grab: During a montage of Bella and Jacob's budding relationship there is a moment where she throws a slice of pizza over her shoulder, seemingly to Jacob, then the camera switches to him and he throws his hand up, seemingly to catch the pizza, but instead he catches a wrench. I don't know how to properly describe this disaster but trust me it was L-A-M-E.
Jacob taking off his shirt (my husband's opinion - major eye rolling included)

So what do you guys think? Did I miss anything? Do you agree that Kristen Stewart should be working in a Hot Topic somewhere instead of acting or am I being too harsh? Do you love Taylor Lautner as much as me or are you still hanging on to Team Rob. (btw - as far as the book is concerned I'm totally Team Edward - but as far as the actors go I am now fully on board with Team Taylor)

Also - since it truly was my favorite scene in the movie I have included a video here. It is just a fan-made video for the song used in the scene, Possibility by Lykke Li but if you jump to minute 1:43 you'll see a small piece of the 360 scene. Also, totally worth noting, the song choice was unbelievable. Check out the lyrics here too.

Strawberried Peanut Butter

2009-11-23T12:14:00.007-05:00

I wanted to offer you my thoughts on New Moon today but I need to get it straight in my head first. So I thought instead I would offer you my thoughts on the candy I ate while watching New Moon. We all know that concession stand prices are out of control; we all bitch about health care price gouging but this is were those of us on "Main Street" are really getting screwed. Seriously. The cost of popcorn alone at the movies is more than my last co-pay.

Since my husband and I are brilliant, and since we had to stop at the store anyway, we picked up some candy while we were there. I was scoping out the rack for some Reese's Sticks (because they are like little packages of gold) but couldn't find any so I decided to just settle for anything with peanut butter. I saw some peanut butter m&m's and grab them. It wasn't until we left the store that my husband made a disgusted face and asked how I could eat "those." I was taken a back at first but just thought it was because he is a weird foreigner.

NEWSFLASH: Dutch people (and possibly all europeans) think we are freaks for thinking that peanut butter is candy. Peanut butter and chocolate together is just totally strange to them. I made his mother try a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup last year when she was visiting us and she totally didn't understand it. Their candy of choice ... wait for it ... black licorice. I truly feel sorry for them.

He eventually pointed out to me that these were not peanut butter m&m's but rather "Strawberried Peanut Butter." I had never heard of such a thing! But decided it would probably taste like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a chocolatey morsel of candy coated goodness and I was all for it.

Let it be known that they were fabulous and I would not only buy them again if given the chance but highly recommend them to all I know.

Letting My Geek Flag Fly

2009-11-20T07:55:00.004-05:00

Today is the day people! New Moon hit theaters at midnight last night. Although I wasn't one of the people camping out in line to see the first showing I am one of the people that pre-ordered my tickets. I'm going to the first show Saturday morning to try and avoid some of the crazed crowds - wish me luck.

It must be said that this was my least favorite book of the series for obvious reasons. Lack of Edward! At one point while reading it I actually found myself flipping to the back of the book to see if and when the Cullens would be coming back into the story. This might not seem like a big deal to some people but I have never done that kind of thing in my life. I've never been one of those people that reads the last page first or skips to the end when the suspense gets to be too much. NEVER. But Stephenie Meyer got me. I had no control over it; I needed Edward back. And the book did not disappoint.

So yes, I am dragging my husband with me tomorrow to see it and I cannot wait. I'm totally jealous that there are thousands of people watching it today while I'm at work.

I know there are equally as many people that are tired of hearing about it but to them I say - BITE ME. So who else is excited?

Wordless Wednesday

2009-11-18T09:26:00.004-05:00

For your viewing AMAZEMENT, "Boy" by Ron Muek.

... and close up detail of the foot ...

Smile .... with your NECK?

2009-11-13T19:14:00.006-05:00

I realize that I am the only loser in the universe that watches America's Next Top Model but this season has been such a hot mess I had to share. This week during judging panel Tyra Banks got so freaking excited she LAID AN EGG.

Ok a little background for those of you that aren't hip to ANTM. Tyra and her groupies are mentally unstable. They like to wear lame costumes and make up new words in their own secret language. And when they are actually speaking in english it is usually done with a made up accent like Frenchanese. This nonsense is what makes up about 99.9% of the show. And what is Tyra's favorite made up word?

SMIZE (sm-iz) noun : to smile with one's eyes ... but only your eyes not the rest of your face because that would just be smiling and that is too easy. Everyone can smile but only Top Models can smize.

This week during judging panel, all of Tyra's groupies (aka judges) were giving the contestants their word vomit ... I mean "advice" on how to be a better model.

Tyra: You need to smize in this picture.

Nigel: You're not modeling *H to T* in this shot.

Mr. Jay: Your need more neck!

Ms. Jay: You need to ... [wait for it] ... Smeck.

Tyra: (shits her pants)

Tyra: OMG! Smeck! Yes! Yes! You need to SMECK ladies!! More SMECKING!

Okay maybe it wasn't exactly like that but it was close. Somehow Ms. Jay managed to merge two of Tyra's favorite words into a new super word and Tyra proceeded to have an excitement-seizure.

((meanwhile I secretly loved it))

Wordless Wednesday

2009-11-11T06:00:00.001-05:00

I know there are a bunch of these "spontaneous" mob dances are all the rage recently and by now most of you have at least seen the one from Oprah but this one is by far my favorite. Maybe it's because I watched The Sound of Music on a heavy rotation as a child (I literally know every word to the entire 3 hour epic) but this video totally gives me chills!

"Thank You!"

2009-11-08T14:30:00.003-05:00

In the car this week I noticed something strange, an odd behavior that I had no rational explaination for. It got me to wondering if I am the only person that has had this experience.

When changing lanes or merging onto the highway I found myself lifting my right hand in a wave. A bit of a "thank you" to the kind driver behind me for allowing a smooth transition.

The strange part ... I found myself not only waving but also saying the words "Thank you!" outloud. And not just saying them but saying them in a sweet sing-songy voice. WTF? That driver can't hear me. Why do I always do that? Am I alone here?

Morale of The Story Is ...

2009-11-06T15:40:00.002-05:00

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper:

'Please wake me at 5:00 AM '

He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wokened him, when he noticed a piece of paper bythe bed. The paper said:

'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Words of Wisdom

2009-11-04T13:03:00.006-05:00

* Always wear stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

Yeah, He Stabbed Himself ... What? Like you Wouldn't?

2009-11-03T18:11:00.011-05:00

Three skinheads or Hispanic males dressed in black tried to rob an innocent 29 year old male on his way to work at Blockbuster Video in the Denver area Monday night. According to the Denver Post the man had deep stab wounds to the lower leg requiring several stitches. Multiple police departments set up a perimeter to find the assailants. They even brought in a K-9 unit. But, no luck. After some suspicious camera footage from the local Target popped up, the young man eventually confessed.

Yes folks, he had stabbed himself in the leg because he didn't want to go to work.

Now clearly this was a terrible waste of the Police Department's time and tax payers money. But admit it - you've thought of doing the very same thing ... probably more than once. I know I have. In fact, if I was sure I would get away with it, I would do much, much, much, much uglier things to get out of work.

What makes it even more understandable - the guy worked at BLOCKBUSTER. Speaking from personal experience here, I'd take a day in the ER in a hot second over a day listening to people bitch about late fees. I haven't worked there for several years now, but I still have nightmares about the night Titanic was released and we stayed open until 2am for all the nut jobs that pre-ordered it. Seriously. And don't get me started on Y Tu Mama Tambien (I know half those assholes only rented it so I had to struggle through pronouncing the title when I told them the return date.) What makes me really sick at myself is the fact that in this picture of Adam Brody, I could tell instantly that he was in the Action section of the store b/c of the Clear and Present Danger cover box on the floor.

FML

The Elusive Cat Shark

2009-11-02T19:53:00.004-05:00

QUICK! Someone call National Georgraphic! I have finally procured a photo of the elusive Cat-Shark in it's natural habit. This shot will be worth millions!

Seriously though, my friend has the fatest and most patient cat ever born. Her name is Suki and this year she dressed up as a shark ... last year she was a chicken. I WISH I had a picture of that for you too.

Create Your Own!

2009-10-31T10:22:00.006-04:00

FEDELESOIU : the point of doubtful sanity

_______________________________________________________

This was the result of an exercise I found on the internet today. It was directions on how to generate an album cover for your very own fictional band. I had great fun doing it ... so much that I did it twice actually (I put my second one at the end of this post.) Want to make your own? It's easy.

Go to wikipedia and click on "Random Article" The first article you get is the name of your band.

Go to The Quotations Page and click on "Random Quotes" The last few words of the first quote you get is the name of the album.

Go to Flikr and choose interesting photos from the last 7 days (or click here) The third random photo is your album cover.

Use photoshop or picnik to create mesh these 3 things together and voila!

I challenge you to create your own and post it on your site. This should prove to be entertaining. Leave me a comment if you make one and I'll keep a running list of links here so we can all check each other's out.

Alice

2009-10-30T18:37:00.001-04:00

Come on - who's excited?

Clemyjontri

2009-10-29T13:55:00.008-04:00

So, I don't have kids but if I did I might need to move to McLean, VA just to be near this park. Clemyjontri Park not only encourages outdoor activity for kids but learning as well. It has four "rooms" surrounding a central carousel. Each room focuses on teaching children things such as colors, maps, clocks and reading. It is also fully integrated to not only accommodate, but to encourage children with disabilities to play along side the rest of the kids. All this and it's totally free; a portion of the Fairfax County Parks system. The funds and land were donated by the Lebowitz family who were also major civil rights activists in the 50's. I encourage anyone who lives in the area and has kids or grand kids to take them there (and let me know how much fun it is.)

Tibetan Totes

2009-10-27T18:51:00.007-04:00

Isn't the Internet amazing? I just got finished chatting with my fabulous friend Bre, who is currently living in Belgium, and it didn't cost me a dime. Well, i mean I pay an arm & a leg for Internet service but you know ... Not only were we able to talk but we could also play games together and even SHOP together. Who could ask for more? One thing I've always been bad at is buying purses. I tend to buy ones that are big enough to carry my entire life around (including snacks and beverages to the movies if necessary) and then rock the same one for years and years - until it falls apart (or until my mother yells at me enough times to get a new one.)

I'll be visiting Bre in her new home while my husband and I are visiting his family in Holland for the Holidays this year. So she suggested that I buy a Robin Ruth while I'm there. I had never heard of them before. Apparently they are all the rage in souvenirs these days. She even has one from London that she can hook her ipod up to - don;t ask me why you would ever need that but its still awesome. I checked out the site while she and I were chatting and they are pretty cute.

So world, don't be surprised to see me sporting a new Amsterdam shoulder bag come 2010. Because if it's good enough for the Dalai Lama then it's good enough for me!

Simpson's Pumpkins

2009-10-25T10:13:00.004-04:00

Speaking of pumpkins ... check out the brilliant pumkpins my friends made last week. They aren't really very "Spooky" and they aren't really "Carved" and they aren't really even "Pumpkins" but still.

I don't know where they found the idea but they were executed perfectly. Marge's hair is cotton balls spray painted blue. Love it.

Sorry, We Got Old

2009-10-25T09:35:00.006-04:00

Yesterday I had planned to carve pumpkins for Halloween with my husband and our friend Will (yes, this is the Will of "SMORES" fame.) My husband had never carved a jack-o-lantern in his life ... can you believe that tragic shit? In his defense they do not celebrate Halloween in his mother-land but still. Luckily we had just watched the Food Network Challenge - Pumpkin Carving so he was all set. Our first order of business was where to buy the pumpkins. Will wanted to punk out and buy them from the grocery store but I wasn't going to stand for that. Even though it was a bit drizzly and gray outside I got the boys to go to the family farm down the street. Unfortunately, when we pulled into the drive-way and made our way down the long gravely road we ended up in front of a sad little sign made with an old piece of cardboard and a sharpie that read:

"Sorry, We Got Old. We're Out of Business"

Gotta love the honesty. So we pulled a u-turn and decided to go to another family-run farm a little further away. Once we got there the boys got pretty into it; we took about 20 or 30 minutes picking out our pumpkins and then hauling them back to the car. At this point my husband decided we needed a meal break (even though we were only 10 minutes from our house and had only been out for less than an hour.) So we took a detour and hit the IHOP before going home. I must admit it was a good idea though, the pumpkin pancakes were delish. Once back to the house it was several hours of slimey-bliss. Both boys ended up with cuts that probably should have ended them up in the ER for a few stitches but we were way to focused on the pumpkins so they decided to just walk-it-off. Will spent about 4 minutes actually "carving" his pumpkin and the next three hours staring at it. Edo and I had slightly more intricate designs that took quite a bit longer, especially considering we didn't have any of the proper utensils. Will didn't even have a vegetable peeler! Who lives without a vegetable peeler?? So Edo spent an hour scrapping the top half of his pumpkin with a big old cheese grater and I spent the majority of my time scrapping mine with a dinner spoon! Let me tell you, I was working up a serious sweat too; you can't even imagine how much elbow grease it takes to scrape the skin off a pumpkin with a freaking table spoon. In the end I think they all turned out great. I'll get more pictures on Halloween with them actually lit but for now here they are in all their glory.

A Boy Named Lynn

2009-10-18T13:44:00.006-04:00

This week's episode of Top Chef was the BEST EVER! My favorite chef-testant (yes, I said it) was once again the winner. Kevin has the best beard ever seen on this show so he was destined to be my favorite - plus he cooks okay too.

The challenge was to prepare food for the Pork & Pinot festival. The winning dish was Pork Leg Terrine with Pickled Cherries. I have no idea what the hell terrine is and it looks kinda like spam but if you're into that kind of thing or if you're into hot Italian accents check out this video of season 7's Fabio preparing the dish.

But the best part of the episode was the guest judge ... who knew that Mr. Belvedere went on to become a James Beard Award winning chef!?!?!?! Seriously that blew my mind right there. I knew this guy was a top-notch thespian but a great chef too? Talk about a modern day renaissance man!

IDK

2009-10-16T19:49:00.004-04:00

I don't know about you guys but I am totally sick of looking at that Wizard of Oz thing. I don't really have much to say tonight though so I'll give you something else to look at. How about this old ad for Camel Cigarettes - I'm guessing it from the early 50's ...

Puting the Scare in Scarecrow

2009-10-11T19:37:00.009-04:00

Last week for wordless Wednesday I posted a picture of my husband in one of those cheesy face cut out boards at the county fair. I have upped the anti a bit, but be warned - after watching this you could potentially be scarred for life.

The Great Salsa-Off 2009

2009-10-09T13:05:00.005-04:00

The girls in my office have an addiction to Chipotle. I was never a big fan myself but they have converted me (it wasn't really an option). They also love to bring in food to share so for several weeks now I've been talking about bringing in my homemade salsa. Finally last weekend I bought the ingredients. Of course it was going to have to wait a few days because Monday we were having lunch catered by Physician's office again, then Tuesday we had planned on ordering pizza because a local place has a super cheap Tuesday special. Wednesday I couldn't do it because I was leaving early for a doctor's appointment (that's a whole story on it's own). So finally Thursday I was able to bring it in.

That morning I was riding up in the elevator with the office accountant, she commented on the big lunch I had brought in. I explained that it was salsa and chips for the department and she said "Oh! I brought in salsa that I made too."

Bitch was clearly trying to steal my thunder.

So I decided it was going to need to be a Salsa-Off. Each of our containers were placed on a desk with a bowl of chips and a score card. Another girl in the office proceeded to send an email around letting everyone know there was salsa available in the negligence department for anyone who would like to participate in the judging.

Now, I don't know what your workplace is like but the people I work with are no joke when it comes to free food. It was literally impossible for me to get any work done for the next hour (not that I minded) and keep in mind this was at 8:30 am.

I'm pleased to announce that my salsa won by a landslide MWUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

And the recipe couldn't be easier ...

Equal Parts:
Black Beans
Diced Tomato
Chopped Red Onion
Corn (preferrably white not that nasty yellow business)
Seasoning to taste:
Red Wine Vinegar
Cilantro
Salt & Pepper

While we're on the topic of chips & dip I'd like to share one of my favorite definitions from Urban Dictionary ...
Rescue Chip (noun): A rescue chip is the chip you use to fish the bits of the first one that broke apart in the dip.

Smell Association # 1

2009-10-07T17:59:00.006-04:00

I have a freakish ability to associate seemingly unrelated odors. Example:

This morning the lobby of my office building smelled exactly like an Elementary School Art Room. A mixture of paste, tempera paints and wet newspaper. I quite enjoyed it.

Under Construction ...

2009-10-05T18:50:00.002-04:00

I was in the mood for some changes so keep your pants on while I work this new template out :)

Wordless Wednesday

2009-09-30T19:06:00.004-04:00

I already mentioned in my previous post that my husband is a nerd,

but this really solidifies it.

I <3 Geeks

2009-09-25T06:56:00.008-04:00

OK I promise this one has nothing to do with Twilight. But it does involve another one of my favorite authors, A.J. Jacobs. If you haven't read any of his books - WTF are you waiting for? His books are absolutely hilarious and educational to boot. I've read them all, "The Two Kings: Jesus and Elvis"and "The Know-It-All: One Man's Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World" in which he takes you through his journey of reading the entire Encyclopedia Britannica from A-Z, then "The Year Living Biblically" which not so surprisingly is where he literally spends one year of his life attempting to live by the rules of the bible, to his most recent release "The Guinea Pig Diaries" which is a collection of shorter essays on some of the other experiments he lived through in the interest of writing. i have to admit I had a bit of a literary crush on him based on 3 main qualities:

1. He's insanely funny.
2. He reminds me of me - which, now that I think of it, is kind of a creepy reason to have a crush on someone.
3. He's Jewish (I'm not by the way - someday perhaps I will have to explain my love for all things Jewish but now is not the time.)

MY POINT IS ... I heard through a friend last week that A.J. was going to be speaking a Synagogue in D.C. October 1st (I know that sounds weird but this is a super cool synagogue that not only has worship services but also hosts shows like "The Eels" and comedians like Michael Ian Black and movies like "The Big Lebowski" in it's down-time.) I've been psyched to hear A.J. talk and get my books signed for several days now and then tonight to top it off, I happened to be watching The Colbert Report and who was the guest??? A.J. Jacobs, of course. I couldn't have been more excited. I paused the television and yelled for my husband to stop what he was doing and come watch with me. But as soon as A.J. opened his mouth I was stunned.

What's up with the voice A.J. ???

To be fair, I still love him. But it has forced me to realize something about myself. I am a nerd lover - to the bone. There is no denying it now. To my husband: I apologize, I never thought you were that much of a nerd but apparently there is no escaping it.

Super Smell!

2009-09-24T20:01:00.012-04:00

In case you didn't already know, Stephenie Meyer is amazing. I've mentioned before that I am a complete Twi-hard and I am not ashamed (that's a lie - I'm totally ashamed. But I'm trying to get over it. In my experience the people that criticize the Twilight Saga are those that have not read the books so how can they really have an opinion?) Anyway, back to Stephenie. I *heart* her. Not only did she write a great series of books that I can't stop reading over and over again but her taste in music is ridiculously brilliant as well. If you haven't read the books or even if you have and just haven't noticed, she dedicates at least one page in each book to Thank Yous. She doesn't just thank her publisher and her mom either she really gets into it. And in every single book she takes time to thank the musicians that inspire her. Her favorite is the band Muse, ironic right? But seriously she took the time to thank them in all 4 books and used one of their best songs in a very high profile position in the Twilight movie. Other musical artists that she has thanked in her books and on her website include: Travis, The Cranberries, Weezer, Keane, Elbow, Ok-Go, Jack's Mannequin, Motion City Soundtrack and Gomez. The soundtrack for the 2nd movie, New Moon, goes on sale October 20th - a full month before the movie even comes out - and you best believe I will be buying that bitch. The track list includes all original songs which will be exclusive to the soundtrack. Now, most of you will probably look at the following list and be unimpressed but trust me on this one, if you're into this kind of music at all you know this is going to be a great album.

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE — MEET ME ON THE EQUINOX
BAND OF SKULLS — FRIENDS
THOM YORKE — HEARING DAMAGE
LYKKE LI — POSSIBILITY
THE KILLERS — A WHITE DEMON LOVE SONG
ANYA MARINA — SATELLITE HEART
MUSE — I BELONG TO YOU (NEW MOON REMIX)
BON IVER & ST. VINCENT — ROSYLN
BLACK REBEL MOTORCYCLE CLUB — DONE ALL WRONG
HURRICANE BELLS — MONSTERS
SEA WOLF — THE VIOLET HOUR
OK GO — SHOOTING THE MOON
GRIZZLY BEAR — SLOW LIFE
EDITORS — NO SOUND BUT THE WIND
ALEXANDRE DESPLAT — NEW MOON (THE MEADOW)

Random Thought: One of the ideas in the Twilight Saga is that of Vampires being blessed with special talents/abilities that are really just enhancements of unique talents they had as humans. For example, Edward Cullen as a human was very perceptive and able to "read" people - as a vampire he is able to literally read minds. However Bella is the only person he has ever met who's mind he cannot read. Bella's mind is also immune to the talents of other vampires. SPOILER ALERT: In the 4th book Bella "makes the change" and isn't sure if she has been blessed with a special power at all (not all vampires are) but by the end of the book she discovers her power and realizes that it is the ability to protect her mind. OK - sounds lame but I'm not describing it well or doing it justice at all.

MY POINT IS ... If I were a vampire I think my special talent would be a super sense of smell. I actually never thought much of it until others would comment on my strange ability to compare two completely random smells and yet be dead-on accurate. A few examples: my friend Will's first car in high school was a p.o.s. 1990 Beretta - it was a heep - and it smelled exactly like ranch Frito's, I've also found that the house I lived in during most of high school smelled exactly like lunch-meat, the office I currently work in smelled exactly like ant-killer last week (despite the fact that there had been no visit from an exterminator) and there is a 2-mile long stretch of the Baltimore-Washington Parkway that smells exactly like a dirty fish tank. It's not much but it's all I've got. Would yours be any better?

Priceless

2009-09-24T14:23:00.002-04:00

Music books: Free
Piano Organ: Free
Delivery to the house: Free
Unloading and putting into place: approximately $3,500.00 in medical bills.

Having another story that makes everyone laugh with (and just a little bit at) you: PRICELESS!

Wordless Wednesay

2009-09-16T19:03:00.003-04:00

Check this site out for more Kanye love kanyegate.tumblr.com

Theo & Thea

2009-09-14T21:22:00.008-04:00

I was messing around on YouTube tonight when out of nowhere my husband decided that I MUST see a show from his childhood. It's called "Theo en Thea" and it's pretty much the Dutch answer to Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. These two bat-shit crazy people teach kids about make-believe, life & death and of course ball room dancing. Please, please, please you must watch this clip. You're going to be completely lost with the language but trust me it's worth it. Pay special attention to the following moments ...

5:13 Theo advises the gents not to wear any pants that might be too tight ... unfortunately Theo did not take his own advice.
5:45 Just incase you missed anything the first time.
5:57 Thea warns the girls with big "girls" to wear a sturdy bra so you don't knock out your dance partner.
6:37 One more time for good measure.

If these two were on Dancing With The Stars I might actually tune-in for once. Be sure to check out Theo en Thea - Stijldansen (deel 2) for the conclusion of the lessson. Personally I'm a bit too disturbed to continue. (Did I mention this is a kids show??) But I must admit, this explains A LOT about my husband and my in-laws.

No one can tell Jamie!

2009-09-04T07:42:00.007-04:00

Time for The Bee's newest guest blogger! This one is from Sherri about a little incident she had with her daughter Jamie's cat, Snickers. Please enjoy ...

Okay so funny story this morning......I had a little battle with wait for it......Super......wait for it......Glue.

I needed to repair my purse a little so Jamie gave me a bottle of super glue which I thought was already opened. I went to squeeze it out and nothing came out so I though it was clogged so I went to cut the tip of the bottle off. Then nothing would still come out....I then took the whole top off and realized it wasn't opened. I punctured the top and when I did...yes, all you know what broke loose and it went everywhere. Got it all over my nails that I just had done last night, my hands and the counter top. At this moment is when Snickers wanted to see what was going on so he jumped up on the counter and I went to stop him and put my right hand on him. Needless to say at that point I was winging a cat around by his hair which was now stuck to my right hand with the super glue. He freaked out and tried to bite my arm, I finally got a hold of some treats and calmed him down long enough to cut his hair so that I could get my hand off of his middle section. I was late for work this morning trying to get all the superglue and cat hair off my hands. What a MESS!

No one can tell Jamie!

Blog Award

2009-09-01T17:57:00.024-04:00

I was lucky enough to receive a blog award from two great bloggers this week.

So a BIG thanks to :

Donna from http://www.cuteasabuggy.blogspot.com/

Staci from http://www.justbloggled.com/

You should probably stop what you're doing and visit them right now and see what craziness they're up to today. Thanks ladies.

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In response I have decided to come up with an award of my own ... may I present to you The Bee's Knees 2009 Blog Award! And for it's inaugural presentation I have chosen to bestow the award on only the very best blogs.
BE WARNED: There will be rules to this award but they are easy and you can think of them more as suggestions really.

1) When accepting your Bee's Knees award you should link back to the person that presented it to you.

2) You should pass the love onto any other blogger(s) as many or as few as you so desire.

That's it folks! No need to delve into a list of your 75 most embarrassing moments or anything like that (unless you want to ... I mean everyone likes embarrassing moments as long as they aren't their own, right?)

I'll be giving the award to some of the blogs I've discovered more recently:

1) cuteasabuggy
2) justbloggled
3) staciesmadness
4) unlikelyoilfieldwife
5) monsterawr
6) inconsequentiallogic
7) dirtyshank

P.S. Due to my guilty conscience ... honorable mention goes to ARIA from Aria'zink ;)

Tamps & Hoops

2009-08-27T09:29:00.015-04:00

To keep ourselves awake and motivated at work, my family sometimes has an impromptu chat room in the form of e-mail chains. They are often insightful and always hilarious. I had to share with readers of The Bee, a snippet from the conversation today. Please excuse punctuation/spelling/grammar - this was not intended to be published.

A little warning for the boys - this is about some delicate female-issues, you may want to just stop now.

A little background for those of you still with us - when I say "my family" I really mean the women in the family. I come from a fairly large family with LOTS of sisters and daughters. A male birth has been so rare that we celebrate it with a ritual sacrifice. Not goats or chickens or anything - pretty much just pastry. Come to think of it, we pretty much celebrate everything with a ritual sacrifice. We're hard-core like that. Anyway, this past weekend two of the sisters ("Lynn" and "Louise") went on a little vacation to the beach and there were some issues with tampons.

**Buggys made an excellent point - you should know that "Lynn" is not some stupid teenager. She is in fact a grown woman with stupid teenagers of her own.

(( Names and places have been changed to protect the innocent))

Lynn says:

Okay, here goes......and this does not go on anyone's blog......Last week down the beach I had to use them. Haven't ever used them much before and it was horrible. With the first couple I was scared to cough, and having just been sick, that was an issue, so every time I coughed I held myself hoping it didn't just rocket fire out. Then I decided I needed to use super plus. So I bought new one's. However after the first one of those, which were a little different, when I pulled it out I realized that I had left the cardboard on the tampon itself. Now it was a little unraveled due to the absorption of bodily fluids, hopefully it is all out of that area by the time I go for my yearly. I have to say they are a dangerous product and should be used by only experienced personnel!

Louise says:

I took Frank off of the email for the rest of this story! Lynn was a riot, the tampon issue was hysterical and luckily nothing rocket fired out of "the area". The first day she was quite concerned (as one might assume, having never really used tampons before). Hoofing it back and forth to the truck to get to a bathroom to make "the change" gets to be quite time consuming (and hot and exhausting). So, in her infinite wisdom, Lynn became a pro the second day. There was going to be none of that walking back and forth, sweating, losing a good parking spot, etc. So, she decided to change her tampon in the parking lot at the truck. Granted, it was ingenious, and she did quite well and came well prepared. She had JR's truck all week, so she opened both doors, hiked the right leg up on the truck, took out and put back in a new one ... INGENIOUS! She came prepared with bags, wipes, tweezers (for cardboard parts if necessary), five extra bathing suits, a sign saying "take a picture it will last longer", etc. She was a PRO after only one day. OK, there were really no tweezers, extra baby-hoots or a sign .. but it made the story sound better.

Now ... on Thursday, the waves were a bit big... fun, but bigger and rougher than normal. Lynn was sporting a pair of sterling silver hoops that JR had gotten her and wore them every day. By the way Lynn, they enhanced the look everyday, kudos! We got in the water and it wasn't but seconds later when a wave smacked her in the head and one of the earrings fell out. Upset she was ( I would be too). Michelle and I looked up on shore just to see if it had washed up, it hadn't. Next day, there she was sporting the earrings, where was it you ask .... I'll tell you. She took her bathing suit off that night (after mind you, the rest of the day on the beach and an hour and a 1/2 ride home to JR's house), it fell out of her crotch! Now, how could ya not feel that one? Well, I guess coming from the woman who stuck the cardboard up there, you could understand why!

All was well in the world of Lynn by Friday, no tampons, earrings were in ... BUT the water was too damn rough to even get in.

Yellow Submarine

2009-08-22T17:52:00.013-04:00

Is it just me or are The Beatles once again taking over the world? More popular than Jesus for sure this time, maybe even more popular than those Highschool Musical kids ... I doubt it though.
I just found out they're making a new version of Yellow Submarine!! I know I mentioned my love of this movie once before but let me make it official. I love all things Beatles! I even talked my mother into taking me to Beatlfest when I was like 15 and it was a blast - I highly recommend it to all fans out there Actually, even if you're not that big of a fan, there is some seriously good people watching. Believe.

And The Beatles Rock Band is going to me freaking AMAZING. Now I just need to get my damn Xbox working again...

Wordless Wednesday

2009-08-19T20:14:00.002-04:00

courtesy of www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com

You Suck At Life

2009-08-13T08:57:00.004-04:00

In my office we have several printing stations; one for each department. This morning the entire office received an email that the printer for our Maryland Worker's Compensation department was out of service and that the repairman had been called. Why then does some chick from that department chose this morning to work on her massive file copying project? And why does she choose to do it any my department's copier?

Now I have to walk clear across the office to use the copier in the mail room every five minutes!

I suppose I could use the exercise ... maybe it's a blessing in disguise. But I still think that was a stupid decisions and I still think she sucks at life - at least for today.

Extras!

2009-08-12T18:48:00.006-04:00

Who loves Ricky Gervais?? I DO! I DO! Of course everyone knows him from "The Office" but have you ever seen his follow up series "Extras" ?? I have to say I'm a bigger fan of the second show myself and can't wait for his next project. If you haven't seen "Extras" it features Gervais playing a struggling actor named Andy, who's only real work is as an extra. Each episode features a cameo from a list celebs like Robert DeNiro, Ben Stiller, Samuel L. Jackson and Orlando Bloom. If you haven't seen it check out this clip ... Gervais's character, Andy, has shown up to audition for a play directed by Sir Ian McKellan. McKellan proceeds to describe the fine art of "acting" to Andy.

If you're a fan of Ricky Gervais or "The Office" you must watch the reunion show coming soon. Below is a teaser for the show.

Hey Ya

2009-07-31T21:53:00.002-04:00

Check out this acoustic cover of Outkast's Hey Ya. There is something about a guy with a massive moutain-man beard that I find appealing. Maybe it's just a respect for the amount of time it must have taken to grow the thing ... anyway this guy Matt Weedle has an amazing voice - please enjoy.

And just for kicks - here's the original ...

Bits & Pieces

2009-07-21T19:32:00.007-04:00

I've been uninspired lately with the posting - I apologize. I thought I would throw out a few highlights (or low-lights in some cases) of my last few days. So, in no particular order:

1. My office had a party planned for Monday afternoon this week. Well, to be fair, they called it a "Meeting" but lets be realistic; it was from 12:00 - 4:00, it was being catered, there were games planned and it was AT THE FREAKING PARK, so I'm going with party on this one. For some reason though, the partners decided to take up about 3 hours of our party time talking about the firm's "Core Values" and "Case Goals" and new "Attorneys" and new "Office Locations" and all kinds of other nonsense that did not involve the word "Cake" so I was pissed.

2. Once we finally got to the games it was a hot mess. The highlight of which was "Marshmallow Golf" no surprise, it was one of the favorites. A bunch of lawyers gathered in a park with golf clubs and tees and a crowd of amateurs - they were in Hog Heaven - everyone of them felt like Tiger Woods when they hit the living shit out of those poor marshmallows. The rest of us pretty much just took our turns swinging and missing but we were fine with it. Somehow my friend Will actually won - he credited the fact that he had played mini-golf with his girlfriend the night before. I don't think the partners were too pleased that this was all it took to overcome their endless hours of schmoozing and putting on courses like Pebble Beach for the last 25 years. I say - SUCK IT GENTLEMEN!

3. Highlight of the highlight - when Will stepped up for the game winning drive he yelled "Smores!" Get it? Smores? Like "Fore" but b/c we were hitting marshmallows he said "smores" ... like the campfire treat ... get it ? it rhymes! You might not think its that funny but damn it if he didn't make me pee my pants.

4. After work I had to go pretty much straight over to a funeral service for my friend's 92 year old grandmother. It was the nicest service I've ever been to - not depressing like they usually are. Probably b/c she was 92! She lived a good long life; most people can only hope for that. But I was tired as shit after my "meeting" that day and I couldn't wait to get home and go to bed. Sleep is good.

5. I was so tired this morning that I forgot to bring a lunch to work with me. And I have a 45 minute commute so going home for lunch is not an option. Plus, I carpool with the above mentioned Will, so I wouldn't be able to leave the office and pick something up either. I was stuck with eating a blueberry pop-tart from my bottom desk drawer. But I got lucky! We had a "seminar" today which basically just involved an doctor bringing us free lunch so we would think about sending some of our clients his way for treatment. Score. There were individually bagged lunches each with a sandwich, salad/chips, cookie & soda/water. They were neatly labeled on the outside. I chose a ham sandwich with a caesar salad, water and a cookie. Not bad right?? Wrong. The salad and water were good - but the sandwich was on some ridiculous tree-hugger bread. It wasn't really bread at all it was birdseed with some dough holding it together and giving it a bread-like shape. I picked at it for about 20 minutes - tried to take a few bites and gave up. I figured I would cut my losses and move on to the cookie. How bad can a cookie be? It was oatmeal which I like, it had raisins which I'm ok with, it also had Craisins which I don't like. Again with all the fruits and nuts?!?! Can't I just get a G.D. cookie?? I ate maybe 1/4 of it and gave up. Ugh. I polled the rest of the office and everyone else enjoyed there's - I only found one other loser that was stuck with the bird seed bread, she was equally depressed.

6. To end this post on a happy note: My husband just turned on Food Network and Emeril is making Banana's Foster Bread Pudding! Seriously, how much do you want to taste that?

Kelly & Kelly

2009-07-20T09:50:00.004-04:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

If they are truly in love then I am super happy for them but all I can think of is the logistic hell that they are about to enter. Can you imagine what a pain in the ass it is going to be for banks, utilities, physicians, taxes, cell phones, emails, regular mail ... everything! And if they ever get divorced - God help them!

You Suck at Life

2009-07-18T12:02:00.006-04:00

Enough Said.

Even worse, these guys are breading a new generation ...

How about Peacock?

2009-07-12T11:07:00.012-04:00

While we should be working on our backyard this summer, we instead chose to do some painting on the interior. When we moved into this house, about two years ago, the kitchen was covered in blue and pink floral wall paper and the living room had 3 white walls and one that was badly sponge painted with green and what I can only imagine was supposed to be yellow. Needless to say within in a week, thanks to my sister and some friends, we had ripped down the wallpaper and painted over everything! Well, almost everything.; my husband the carpenter insisted that he was going to tile the back splash so we left that unfinished. NOTE TO HUSBAND: TWO YEARS LATER, THERE IS STILL NO TILE IN THE KITCHEN - WHEN DO YOU THINK YOU MIGHT GET AROUND TO THAT? The rest of the kitchen walls we did with "cappuccino foam" which is an obnoxious way of saying - light beige. We carried this neutral into most of the living room but I needed a splash of life somewhere. Purple has been my favorite color since childhood and maybe its just me but I've always dreamed of owning my own place so I could paint the walls any color I wanted. Remember the show Punky Brewster? If you're an 80's girl like me I know the answer to that question. Now do you remember that when she moved in with Henry he let her paint her bedroom and she did it all crazy and rainbow?? How freaking awesome was that? So there was really no option here - my purple fantasy was about to come true. DON'T BE SCARED. I'm not crazy enough to go with Barney purple. It was a very dull color actually. I wish I could remember what it was called ... anyway here are a few pictures of the before.

I hope you're not too distracted by our amazing furniture or the green carpet which was there when we moved in. Focus on the wall color kids. What do you think? Was I totally crazy or is it better than you expected? Either way it's gone now; we covered those two walls on Saturday with my new color de jour. A few months ago when I decided that I wanted to do this and consequenlty started trying to talk my husband into it, he thought I had lost my mind. I then attempted to enlist the support of our friends and family but it backfired and they were basically all on his side. I would describe the color as "peacock" and their eyes would get all scared. I didn't give up that easily and eventually got most of them on my side. (Maybe they were just sick of hearing me talk about it.) But, it's done now - it's actually a bit more green that this picture shows. What do you think? Should I have left it purple -- should I have left the green sponge paint?

Reader's Block

2009-07-11T12:15:00.011-04:00

Urban Dictionary ,although bloated with nonsense, has some serious gems. I wanted to share with you one that caught my attention.

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Reader's Block: "this is when you cannot, for the life of you, pick up a book and read it. Sure, you may be able to read a paragraph or two, or maybe even a page, but you don't retain anything of what you just read or have the attention span and/or will to go on. This is common for those who have ADD, are in possession of garbage literature, or are just so exhausted from having to read so many books during school/college that reading anything else, even for pleasure, has become impossible. To those who love to read, this is worse than heart disease and cancer combined."

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Haven't we all been there? Especially in school when you were reading things, whether they be novels or text books, that you really had no interest in. You get through a sentence, a paragraph, a page or even an entire chapter and have no idea what you just read. In my case, it's usually because my mind was wondering on other topics like:

Hmm, what the hell am I going to wear to work tomorrow? I don't have any clean pants but I haven't shaved my legs in like a fortnight so I can't wear a skirt. OK then what's worse...
1) Wearing dirty pants
2) Doing laundry
3) Shaving my legs
Maybe I'll compromise -- just shave up to the knee and wear capris.

Meanwhile my eyes were looking at the words on the page but not taking any of it in. I would go a step further and add an alternate definition to Reader's Block as well. Like when you are an avid reader but just cannot find a good book. I currently have 5 books on my bedside table and I am in the middle of reading each of them. None of them have grabbed my attention enough to commit but I won't give up on them either.

Oh Happy Day!

2009-07-06T18:40:00.011-04:00

I've been avoiding wearing black pants for the better part of a month now because my black summer work sandals completely fell a part. My husband even tried to super glue them back into shape but that only lasted one day and they were trashed again. It was a sad day when I threw them in the garbage. I went to the mall and tried on every pair of black sandals I could get my hands on but nothing was even wearable. I finally caved and spent an ungodly amount on a pair of Dansko shoes. But it was money well spent! Dansko is a company from Denmark that pride themselves on making shoes that are not only attractive but actually comfortable to wear all day long. Hard to imagine I know, but I swear they really are. If you're on your feet a lot or have trouble finding comfortable shoes I seriously recommend them.

In other happy work news, I got a fabulous surprise in my in-box today. Part of my job as a legal case manager for personal injury claims, is to collect medical records from all of my clients' treating physicians; this is an incredibly time consuming and thankless task. It normally requires months of letter writing and phone calls not to mention a sickening amount of money. Can you believe doctors actually charge us $30 just so we can get a copy of their bill - that's just shameful. Last week I called a chiropractor's office to follow-up on a request I sent a few weeks ago. The guy who answered the phone didn't know what I was talking about but said he would pass my request on to the "girl" that handles it. The next morning I had a voicemail from the doctor himself - asking me to call him on his cell phone and let him know exactly what I needed. Sweet. So I did - only got his voicemail though. Today I had a big stack of records with the itemized bill attached! Woohoo :) There was also a small white enveloped clipped to the front with my name on it. I had no clue what this could be - when I opened it up it was better than Christmas morning; he sent me a gift card for Godiva chocolate! What?? I wish this guy treated all my clients!
I considered calling him on his celly to thank him for the gift but then I thought that might be kind of weird. It made me feel like we were dating or something. Not that I would mind. I could use a nice sugar-daddy and I suppose a doctor that doles out Godiva would be good enough to fit that bill. (I'm easy people) I'm now considering putting-out on the first date. Wonder what my husband would think ...

Smurfs Movie?

2009-07-03T09:44:00.011-04:00

Yes it's true - I just read that Columbia Pictures and Sony are getting ready to make a Smurfs movie. I guess it was inevitable; its becoming a common thing to take children's television shows from the 80's and turn them into movies (Transformers anyone?) Some of these turn out pretty good but others, like G.I. Joe, are destined for the discount DVD bin.

I have to say that I am seriously looking forward to Spike Jonze's Where The Wild Things Are. I'm not sure it's going to be 'kid friendly' but being as how I don't have kids ... I don't really care, adult friendly works for me. I'm so glad they went with live-action on this one and the puppets from Jim Henson Creature Shop are going to be amazing.

Another one I'm looking forward to is Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. The original Disney version was my absolute favorite movie as a kid. I've seen every subsequent version that I've been able to get my hands on (and there are MANY). I even own "The Complete Works of Lewis Carroll" as well as "Lewis Carroll, Photographer" (a fabulous gift from my sister!); both of which I recommend to any Alice fans. "Still She Haunts Me" is another great book about the relationship between Charles Dodgson and the real life Alice; its a bit disturbing but definitely intriguing. But back to the movie - I'm a little nervous about Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter only because his Willy Wonka was so horrific, but I have faith that they will pull it off in the end.

So which television shows or books from your childhood would you like to see remade into big screen movies and who would you cast or have direct?

Top 10

2009-07-02T12:40:00.043-04:00

Andrea over at Not Rocket Science has bestowed upon The Bee a Blog Award.
Thanks Andrea!

I'm supposed to write 10 things about me that my readers may not know. Since I'm pretty sure that its mostly just my mom that reads the blog this is gonna be tough. I think I'll modify the theme a bit and offer up 10 of my Guilty Pleasures which will mostly include trash TV shows that I can't get away from. Let's take this alphabetically shall we?

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1) America's Next Top Model - for some reason I cannot tear myself away from this crap. I think it's basically Ms. Jay that keeps me tuning in. How can you not love him? (or her or whatever)

2) American Idol - Yes I know people love to hate this show and I know that although it may not be "rigged" exactly there is definitely producer pushes for specific contestant and even Simon admitted this season that they don't put the best singers through to the finals. I guess I'm a sucker. side note: Alexis Grace was robbed.

3) Anime - NERD ALERT !!!

4) Big Brother - the new season is starting this month and I can't wait! Unlike some other reality shows this one actually takes some intelligence to win. I know people are cringing as they read that but I swear it's true. Luck will only take you so far on this one. Someone back me up on this.

5) Blackbelt TV - This is a recent addition to my cable line-up and I've fallen in love. My husband is really the one that turned me onto kung-fu movies so I have to give him all the credit. Nothing would make him happier than to die and be reincarnated as Jackie Chan (specifically "Drunken Master" Jackie Chan.)

6) Fox Reality Channel - Have you noticed a pattern here?

7) G4TV - It was shows like Ninja Warrior and Unbeatable Banzuke and their incredible popularity (however underground it may have been) that lead to the less than stellar copycat shows on ABC: Wipeout and I Survived a Japanese Game Show. Don't get me wrong, I'll watch both of these shows if I catch them on, (in fact I'm quite a fan of the I Survived... which even has the same host as Bonzuke) but they are nothing compared to the originals.

8) Jon & Kate Plus 8 - I know there has been an awful lot of hoopla surrounding this family recently but I was a fan way before the "separation heard round the world." I've been less interested lately; I watched for the kids not for the parents. How can you deny a face like that? side note: I harbor a secret desire to have Asian children. They're just so damn cute!

9) Kid Nation - I tuned in to this one out of pure curiosity and quickly got hooked. I'm not expecting a new season anytime soon. Too bad though - these kids were pure gold; Jared was born to be a star.

10) Obsessed - Not sure if this one is really a "guilty pleasure" something about it being on A&E makes me think its high class. Then again, Gene Simmons: Family Jewels is on the same channel so there goes that theory.

A Little Matt Costa Love

2009-06-30T20:54:00.005-04:00

For some reason my DVR failed to record "obsessed" last night which REALLY upsets me. So I was forced to watch live TV which is a completely stone-aged activity. While I was stuck watching commercials I saw one for the iphone 3g. I didn't pay that much attention to what they were trying to sell - maybe something about how they have combined forces with Ron Popeil and there is a new app that will make you beef jerky on-demand. What I did notice was the music they used; throughout the first 85 seconds (of the 90 second commercial) they played the song "Mr. Pitiful" by Matt Costa. Then while showing how you can use voice activation to play music on your phone they used the example "play music by Jack Johnson" and quickly changed the song to one of his as well as displaying one of his album covers on the iphone screen. I know most people wouldn't even notice this but Matt Costa is freaking amazing and he deserves some R-E-S-P-E-C-T apple! I know the audience of The Bee cannot hope to compete with the audience of "The Colbert Report" which is what I was watching at the time, but I feel I should do my part; I have posted Mr. Costa's video for the song iphone used below. Love you Matt. Call me.

KILLING the Spirit of Baltimore

2009-06-27T23:53:00.030-04:00

Last night my husband and I went to see Distant Worlds: Music from Final Fantasy at the Meyerhoff Symphony Hall in Baltimore. ((For those of you unfamiliar with the game and its music I have added a sampling to the sidebar for your listening pleasure)) I had two very good reasons to be excited about this; #1 my husband is a huge gamer-geek and is totally into the Final Fantasy series, #2 its a guarantee that there will be plenty of people there (and when I say "people" I really mean 'guys that are somehow simultaneously sporting bald spots and adolescent squirrely mustaches') dressing up as their favorite FF character. Now, I love my husband but seriously #2 was by far the more appealing reason. I had very high hopes for the pictures I would be able to share with you. This was going to be my greatest post ever; award winning no doubt; people would cry over its fabulousness, mass hysteria would ensue. This post was going to give the world a reason to forget all the high profile celebrity deaths of this past week. MJ who?? To my great disappointment I did not see a single costume last night. What happened?!? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Baltimore, where's your spirit?!?

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I have a theory. According to FBI data, via a recent article in the Baltimore Sun our fine city is the murder capitol of the United States. I suppose dressing up as a Chocobo would draw far too much unwelcome attention to ones-self and Baltimorians don't need to give anyone more reasons to shoot them. As such, I blame our lovely Mayor, Sheila Dixon, for the lack of an amazing post today.

Please forward all complaints to:

Mayor Sheila Dixon
City Hall, Room 400
100 North Holliday Street
Baltimore, MD 21202
(410) 396-4804; fax: (410) 539-0647
e-mail: mayor@baltimorecity.gov

The Suit

2009-06-25T18:15:00.007-04:00

Lin over at duck & wheel owed me one and luckily the "tenth photo in [my] first file" is a winner ... Those of you that know me personally should understand this right away - for those of you that don't ... I bid you "Happy Guessing!"

o-b-s-e-s-s-e-d

2009-06-23T12:43:00.016-04:00

I'm not one of those people that slows down when they pass a car wreck on the road but I do understand the voyeurism involved. I suffer from it myself but I chose to do my watching from the comfort of my sofa. Mine takes a different form though; I'm a big INTERVENTION watcher from way back. If you haven't seen the show it follows people with drug and alcohol addictions, documenting a week in their lives culminating in a surprise intervention at the end of each episode. I realize some people might think you would have to be sick to watch something like this ... I'm fine with that label. Once in a while when I catch a marathon on A&E I think I, myself, might need an intervention from "intervention."

Even better - A&E came out with a new show this season called obsessed; and yes, I am obsessed with it. (Those people at A&E are so clever with their show names) Since the first episode a few weeks ago I have been wanting to blog about the show but I just don't even know where to start - it's that good. If you haven't been watching it yet then I suggest you get your ass over to hulu and catch up!

In obsessed A&E documents the lives of people with anxiety disorders and their journey through 12-weeks of therapy. Have I mentioned that I suffer from an anxiety disorder myself? You may have picked up on it back in my iatrotelephobia post but I'll make it official. About two years ago I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder and Acute Agoraphobia. Luckily with the help of a few months of therapy and a lifetime of drugs I am coping well with my disease. And let me just say on a serious note folks - mental disorders are no laughing matter. But enough about me - these people are NUTS!

I don't want to ruin it for those of you that have it saved up on your DVR's or anything but seriously - there was a lady that was so afraid to be "dirty" that she took a two hour long shower after every bowel movement. And she didn't joke around here - she had tools! I don't want to gross anyone out but I'll just say there was an enema and a toothbrush involved ... and I loved every crazy second of it!!

I'm sorry have we just turned a corner in our relationship? If you are too disturbed to ever readthebee again I understand ... but you will be missed.

For those of you still left - HOW CRAZY IS THAT BITCH??!?! Admit it - you're gonna start watching aren't you?

You Suck At Life

2009-06-18T12:05:00.008-04:00

What's up with speaker-phone?? OK, I know it serves a purpose, but I also know that it is massively abused in our society. Especially when it comes to cell phones; I mean, if you're still holding the phone up to your mouth while on speaker - then what is the point??? Can someone please explain this to me? I know one of you must know because I feel like I'm the only person that doesn't do this. And don't even get me started on push-to-talk. I firmly believe that Nextel is in bed with the Devil.

But even worse than being forced to listen to the conversations of total strangers at the bank or in the mall, is being forced to listen to someone's conversations while at work. Every office I have ever worked in has one* jack-ass that just doesn't get it. They never even bother to pick up the receiver - from the initial dial tone, to them dialing the number to the obnoxious hold music or ring-back tone of the person they are calling straight on through the entire conversation, everyone around them is forced to suffer through it. But it's not just one call its EVERY CALL EVERY DAY. Can we shoot these people? They SUCK AT LIFE!

Don't you realize that the rest of us are trying to work here too? We're trying to read something or write something or maybe even have a phone conversation of our own and your noise is not helping things. Yes, I know you need to take notes or possibly even type while you're talking - but that is why God created your shoulder; as a neat resting place for the G.D. phone!! You could even get yourself a nifty head-set. Sure, you'll look like a moron while wearing it, but only to your co-workers, who will be so overwhelmed with gratitude that you put the damn thing on, that they won't even notice how unattractive it is.

*There is generally only one of these offenders in each office because everyone else realizes how hated that person is and thus refrains from the behavior themselves.

Blue-tooth is its own animal - equally (if not more) obnoxious but in its own self-important kind of way.

Shutter Island

2009-06-14T10:22:00.010-04:00

I recently came across a trailer for a new movie called "Shutter Island" on this blog. It's based on a novel of the same name by Dennis Lehane who also wrote Mystic River, Gone Baby Gone and several episodes of The Wire. I have to add, that I have never seen a single episode of The Wire even though it is a complete sacrilege for any one that lives in the Baltimore-Metro area. I'm waiting to borrow it on DVD - it will happen some day I swear. But everyone I know has seen the entire show and constantly raves about it and how true to Baltimore life it is. Also, Mystic River, I totally fell asleep on. SORRY! I know that its against the law to say such a thing but its true so get over it. As far as Gone Baby Gone is concerned I've heard that it too is a fantastic film but I have never seen it. Somehow though, the fact that David Lehane had a hand in all of these great projects (that I never saw) makes me want to actually see this one. But more than that even, I feel the need to read the book before the movie comes out this October. I was wondering if any of you have read the book and if so, what you though of it. I almost feel like the trailer gave too much away and maybe the book would no longer be as enjoyable or suspenseful. What do you think? Anyone else out there want to read the book, or at least see the movie?

I've added the trailer to the right side bar if you'd like to check it out - be warned though it might contain spoilers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UPDATE: I went to the bookstore today to buy something else and thought - what the hell! I went to the Fiction ... found the L's ... found David Lehane and about 3 other books of his, but no "Shutter Island." I thought maybe they had them on an end-cap or table somewhere because the movie is coming out but couldn't find it. So I caved and went to the counter to ask an employee. He walked right over to the shelf with the other David Lehan books where I had already checked - this was a little annoying but I maintained composure and only let out a few heavy sighs. He was as surprised as I had been that there were no copies of the book, then said "We've had a lot of people asking for that one. Is there a movie coming out or something?" Guess that answers the question.

The Amazing Bento

2009-06-10T17:52:00.034-04:00

What was your favorite subject in grade school? Most kids would say recess, which is nothing if not honest. But what about lunch?

Lunch was the shit people.

Each August, the day my sister and I went to the store to pick out our new lunch boxes was simultaneously the most exciting and most stressful day of my life (yes, my anxiety disorder started at a young age - but I digress) The lunch box had to be super cool, but not the most popular thing because then every other kid would have it too. It had to be original. And it could not be too babyish - I mean as eight year olds we all still watched The Smurfs but we weren't going to admit it to each other and walking through the class with a public announcement that you did was social suicide. I can still remember the purple Mickey & Minnie Mouse gem that was the shining star of my third grade existence. But imagine if your parents sent you off with one of these boxes -> I mean the colors are cute enough but seriously ... L-A-M-E. But these little boxes hold a secret; a secret that would instantly make you the King or Queen of the lunch room and the envy of the entire student body. These are Bento boxes. Have you heard of Bento? If not, wiki defines it as "a single-portion takeout or home-packed meal common in Japanese cuisine. [...] Although bento is readily available in many places throughout Japan [...],it is still common for Japanese homemakers to spend considerable time and energy producing an appealing boxed lunch." But even from this definition you cannot appreciate the magic that is - Bento. Imagine now, that you opened that innocent looking box to reveal this ...

I discovered Bento several months ago on 'adventures in bento making'. I was instantly amazed. She makes one of these almost everyday. Sometimes for herself and sometimes for her husband but often for her children. Some of my favorites are the ones which were inspired by the tv show LOST. I have posted a few below but you must go visit her site and check out the gallery for yourself.

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On the down side, as an eight year old I would probably rather die than eat the amount of broccoli that she includes in these things but at least I would die as the kid with the coolest lunch.

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Blog Awards!

2009-06-06T17:23:00.027-04:00

Wow! What a week, I'm a totally noobie blogger so I've never received an award before and this week I got four!

~~ You guys must have really been into Twilight more than I expected ;) ~~

A sincere Thank You goes to all of you; Donna from cuteasabuggy and Sasha from sasha-says and Patricia from subjectivesoup and communicationexchange. I have chosen a few more sites to pass these awards onto which I will list below. Someone of you know I'm hooked on your sites and others I've just been lurking on, but I'm glad to have the chance to let you know how much I enjoy what you're doing. I know that some of you look at these awards as a chore (I'm looking at you Lin) so please don't think of this as an obligation, I don't need any of you to pay-it-forward unless you want to.

cuteasabuggy.blogspot.com

sasha-says.com

subjectivesoup.blogspot.com

communicationexchange.blogspot.com

duckandwheelwithstring.blogspot.com

ofmiceandramen.blogspot.com

twoofakindworkingonafullhouse.blogspot.com

nutsinanutshell.blogspot.com

myrocketscience.blogspot.com

thecouchpotato.info

nocleaninghere.blogspot.com

cromely.blogspot.com

simply-b.blogspot.com

ariazink.blogspot.com

yourgoldenmoment.com

inaykupo.blogspot.com

sewingmom.com

theackattack.net

Please accept your award and take a minute to visit some of the other great sites I've listed, I'm sure you'll find one you enjoy as much as I do.

That's Mr. LaForge to You

2009-06-06T08:06:00.008-04:00

I know this might seem like a bit much to some of you but at the risk of alienating some of my readers all I can say is ... sometimes the truth hurts.

Confession

2009-06-04T19:31:00.015-04:00

I have to admit I have been keeping a skeleton in my closet. Most of you don't realize that I have a secret obsession ... one that I am a bit embarassed about. But I can't keep it in any longer.

If you're squeemish you should just turn away, actually maybe everyone should just close their eyes for this next part ... (go ahead - I'll tell you when it's safe to open them again) ...

If the term "Team Edward" means nothing to you .... then I'm even more embarassed (and also slightly relieved.) What it means is that I am completely hooked on all things Twilight.

~~~Don't judge me people~~~

Well that was a bit like ripping off a band-aid; quick and painful but I'm so glad it's over. I feel so close to you all now! Maybe we should have a sleep-over or something ... we can paint each others toe nails and talk about The Jo-Bros!! No? Too much?

Anyway, what I really wanted to share was how excited I am about the next movie that's coming out later this year. Michael Sheen (who you may remember from Underworld or Frost/Nixon) will be joining the cast to play Aro. I like to refer to the character of Aro as the Godfather of the Vampire Mafia. Okay have I gone too far again? Fine! Sorry! I'll try to keep it under wraps. Ugh.

He recently did an interview with Empire and said "I'm all done on it; I had a great time. It was nice to go in and not be playing the main part, just go in for a few days and play this really really extraordinary character. I remember I was thinking, 'Oh, there's a bit of a Child Catcher here [from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang]; bit of the Blue Meanie from The Yellow Submarine; bit of Olivier from Richard III. There was a bit of all kinds of stuff." Anyman that can combine Twilight with Blue Meanies is cool in my book. Am I alone here?

Please give me some Twilight love ... or at least some Michael Sheen love. Look - at least I spared you from the typical Twilight fan post. Consider yourself lucky, it could have been much worse...

You Suck at Life

2009-06-04T15:22:00.007-04:00

The Bee is proud to present the inaugural edition of what is expected to be a weekly feature here. "You Suck at Life" will be spotlighting some of the biggest douche-bags in today's society. It might be someone famous, or someone you've never heard of (and for that you should be glad) it might just be the stupid guy at the gas station that pissed me off because he didn't understand the finer points of fuel pump etiquette. We will also be accepting nominees - if you know someone that sucks at life (and I'm sure you do) be sure to leave a comment and let us know how you feel.

Today I share the following news story:
LAKEVIEW, Mich. — A man who tried to burn an anthill in west-central Michigan started a blaze that damaged about an acre of land. The Daily News of Greenville reported the fire was set Tuesday afternoon in Lakeview, about 40 miles north-northeast of Grand Rapids. The flames quickly spread to a nearby wooded area. Firefighters were on the scene about an hour and extinguished the blaze. Lakeview Fire Chief Clark Newell said the man who started the fire will be billed for the cost of the run.

Seriously? This is what happens when you give matches to white-trash people. Was the ant hill really ruining his life or was he just bored? And how does it get that out-of-hand?!?! I mean was he burning it with a blow torch and a barrell of gasoline or what? Wouldn't a magnifying glass have been more than sufficient? I only wish I could be given the opportunity to meet him face to face so I could say "You Suck at Life!"

Who doesn't need a Snuggernaut?

2009-05-31T11:56:00.009-04:00

Watch Snuggie Spin-Offs on CollegeHumor

Child Abuse Caught on Film

2009-05-25T11:07:00.011-04:00

Wandering through the web this morning I found some photos that had to be shared. They come to you courtesy of the appropriately named awkwardfamilyphotos.com

These poor kids ... I could look at this photo for hours and never stop finding new gems. The most disturbing thing to me is the crazy choke hold that the two boys on the top are giving to their teddy bears. Combine that choke hold with a bowl haircut and an awkward squirrely mustache and I believe we have the makings of a pair of future serial killers on our hands ... maybe I should forward this to John Walsh and give him a head start on these two. At least the girl on the top left seems to realize that her family has some issues and that she needs to get out as soon as humanly possible. Her pose is saying "Yeah sure, I love to dress teddy bears in feather boas" but her eyes are saying "For the love of God, HELP me!"

But the teddy bear kids have nothing on the screwed up life that the unborn child of these two is destined for.

Lets take this one from the top:

1. Pregnant Belly Photos? Totally acceptable.

2. Partial Nudity Photos? When tastefully done - no problem.

3. Sears Portraits with your significant other? That's starting to get creepy but I can deal with it.

----------------------------------------------------

But dude, just because your girl is pregnant and wants to get a picture of her naked belly - that doesn't give you the excuse to take your clothes off too. And just because you're both half naked and pressed up on each other that doesn't give you the excuse to grab her ass in the photo. And nothing gives you the excuse for that hair.

OMG Herself The Elf!

2009-05-21T15:06:00.019-04:00

This is a bit indulgent I know but after my Picture Pages flashback it got me thinking about other great 80's fashions, fads and tv shows that I miss. That's way too much for one post so this one is just going to be a reminder of some of the greatest toys we had in the 80's...

I think we all remember the biggies ... He-Man & She-Ra, Smurfs, California Raisins, Popples, Rainbow Bright, Light Brite (personal fav), Teddy Ruxbin, Care Bears etc. but you may have forgotten about these...

MAD BALLS

SEA WEES

(I'm pretty sure these came with sponges and their tails would change color with cold water)

WRINKLES DOGS

(Did we really ever think these were cute?)

SWEET SECRETS

(You probably remember Polly-Pocket but what about these??)

MY PET MONSTER

(Proof that you could pretty much slap some hot-pink on anything and kids would want it in the 80's)

PILLOW PEOPLE
(I don't remember this one - seems a bit violent to me - I'm pretty sure mine involved some sort of zebra print)

WUZZLES

(These were a poor-man's Care Bear but I definitely had one ... what does that say about me?)

PUR-TENDERS

(What's with the obession over animals with an identity crisis?)

POOCHIE

POGO-BALL

(There were some serious throw-downs on the playground blacktop over these)

HERSELF THE ELF!

(This one is mostly for my sister's sake - does anyone else remember her?)

POCKET ROCKERS

(Who needs an I-Pod when you have one of these??)

I could go on and on - its probably gotten a bit obnoxious already. Anyone remember more?

Out of Control Eye Lashes

2009-05-17T08:24:00.015-04:00

Have you seen ads for this new Latisse stuff??? If not, here is what it claims to do according to their website:

"LATISSE™ solution is a prescription treatment for hypotrichosis used to grow eyelashes, making them longer, thicker and darker."

For those of you unfamiliar with hypotrchosis (and too lazy to click the link I gave you) wiki describes it as "the term dermatologists use to describe a condition of no hair growth. Unlike alopecia, which describes hair loss where formerly there was hair growth, hypotrichosis describes a situation where there wasn't any hair growth in the first place."

OK, I have no problem with that ... if I was born with NO eye lashes I might feel like a bit of freak in a Whoopi Goldberg kind of way. But how many people are there in the world with no eye lashes? Have you ever come across one? I know I haven't - and honestly there's a quick fix for that (one that I've personally used with great success - although it was on Halloween.)

But this product is not even being aimed at those few people with hypotrichosis. It's being aimed at me, and women like me ... women with average eye lashes. I mean, the spokes person is Brooke Shields for God's sake. If a former model and actress needs this product then surely the rest of us do, right? And check out some of their before and after shots. The lashes on that "before" picture look vaguely familiar. In fact, I think I look at them in the mirror every day! And I have a bit of a secret for you now ... I probably shouldn't let this slip and hopefully the Latisse people don't come and hunt me down for ruining their sales ... but I have a trick of my own for making my lashes look a little closer to the "after" picture every day. I think I can trust you not to let this secret go beyond our close circle - it's for readers of The Bee only... I use a new space-age product called Mascara. I know it sounds a little scary at first but trust me on this one.

Did I mention that, like any prescription drug, there are side effects to this stuff? Check it out, again according to their own website:

"May cause eyelid skin darkening which may be irreversible, and there is potential for increased brown iris pigmentation which is likely to be permanent. There is a potential for hair growth to occur in areas where LATISSE™ solution comes in repeated contact with skin surfaces. If you develop or experience any eye problems or have eye surgery, consult your doctor immediately about continued use of LATISSE™. The most common side effects after using LATISSE™ solution are an itching sensation in the eyes and/or eye redness."

Did you happen to catch the words "irreversible" and "permanent" and the mention of hair growth in unwanted areas? I know I sure did. So basically you have the potential to end of looking like this poor girl on an everyday basis. Tragedy. Trust me, stick with the mascara!

The Back Yard "Before"

2009-05-16T15:09:00.013-04:00

As promised I have finally uploaded some pictures (well .... one picture) of my back yard "before" the transformation. There are a few key items that I wanted to point out in fear that you would miss the best bits.

A: This is a lovely example of the overgrown madness that was left by the previous owners. This was originally one half of a matching set until ...

B: The second half fell over under its own weight.

C: These are some super cute flower pots generously purchased by my mother-in-law on her last visit from Holland. She and my husband took a trip to Home Depot one day while I was at work and I came home to a pansy delight in the back yard. It was great - but as previously mentioned we are lazy people and it didn't last long. Notice the total lack of flora currently in the cute pots.

D: We purchased these hedge clippers during our first spring in the house - if only we had used them we might not have been in this mess.

E: Can you believe we recycle? GO EARTH!! :)

F: This DRUM can is my husband's main contribution to the outside decore. Notice the rust (perhaps he thinks this makes it an "antique").

SIDE NOTE: While adding the labels to my photo I was overwhelmed with the most amazing feeling that I was just like Bill Cosby in Picture Pages. If only I had the magic musical pen it would have been an 80's dream come true! (The addition of some slouch socks and a slap braclet would have sent me over the top!)

The Real World vs. The Real Weather Channel Challenge: Zimbabwe

2009-05-13T17:56:00.014-04:00

The Bee is proud to welcome it's first Guest Blogger. The incomparable Will [with comments by Jen] brings us his feelings on the current state of television programing ....

Maybe I’m late on this train, but T.V. is ridiculous. I know that’s a vague statement so allow me to set up my current issue with today’s T.V.

I can’t help but notice all the offspring that have spawned from original T.V. stations i.e. MTV, MTV2, MTVU, MTV Hits, MTV Soul and of course MTVTr3s (Espanol, Amigo), VH1 & VH1 Classics, all the movie channels; HBO, Showtime, Encore, Starz and Cinemax have at least 5 children of their own. There’s Nickelodeon, Nick Jr., Nick at Night and Noggin [don't forget Nick GAS - that's Game And Sports for those of you not "in the know"] and I think Fox has a separate news channel and a reality station. [Hells yeah they do - Fox Reality Channel is one of my favorites!]

Now don’t get me wrong, I like TV, even bad T.V., [for real he's not lying here people - his idea of a fun evening is a grilled cheese sandwich and an Antiques Roadshow Marathon] but it kind of bugs me that there are so many different channels. It’s unnecessary and I think people are just watching too much T.V.

I really blame MTV because I think they started breeding first. I think it began with "The Real World." Ever since that show aired on MTV and became such a "hit", MTV stopped playing music videos and just started airing more reality shows [and lame documentaries I mean seriously - who does Kurt Loder think he is anyway?]. Those shows became more popular then just watching music videos so they had to branch out and make MTV2 and it became a domino effect.

Recently, Jen and I were watching T.V., looking for the weather channel, when we came across "Weatherscan." We were hoping to check it out the weather for the week but to our surprise, we discovered that "Weatherscan" wasn’t actually "The Weather Channel" at all, it was a new channel. For those of you that are unfamiliar with it, "Weatherscan" is basically a non stop local forecast for your area with occasional views of the country’s current conditions. Sounds like "The Weather Channel," right? Well, it’s not, it’s "Weather Channel 2". After Jen and I realized it wasn’t "The Weather Channel" we started to wonder what was actually on "The Weather Channel". Thoughts of reality shows , gameshows and documentaries automatically entered our heads. We’d both seen advertisements for a shows called "Storm Chasers"and "When Weather Changed History." Hence my anger towards MTV, wrapping up this crazy rant.

Anyway, Jen and I both discussed this at length and we came to the conclusion that sometime in the near future there will be a "Weather Channel 3" and hopefully a "Weather Channel Espanol".[Which we have been referring to as "WTC 8" or "The Ocho"] For our own amusement, and yours, we’ve brainstormed a few shows that may one day (we hope) be aired on one of these future Weather Channels.

1) "Who wants to Marry a Meteorologist?"
Reality / Gameshow, (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations)
Desperate women compete for a washed-out meteorologist. Hosted by Al Roker.

2) "America’s Next Top Meteorologist"
Reality / Gameshow, (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations)
Contestants compete to become the star of show #1. Hosted by Willard Scott and sponsored by Smuckers.

3) "Dancing with the Doppler Radar"
Reality / Gameshow, (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations)
Contestants perform various dances relating to Doppler Radar images from different parts of the world.

4) "Intervention"
Reality (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations, weather channel abuse)
People who are addicted to the weather channel.
[um...Will, no offense, but they might need to cast you on this one buddy]

5) "Who Lost A Shoe"
Reality / Gameshow (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations)
Contestants are given a shoe and have to figure out who lost it.
[Is this going to be like The Mole b/c I seriously miss that show - I might tune in]

6) "What Not to Wear, Outside"
Reality / Makeover (Rated TV-PG13 - sexual situations)
People are ridiculed for wearing clothing not intended for certain weather conditions.

7) "Lost"
Sci-Fi Drama (Rated TV-PG13 for Kate sleeping with everyone)
Reruns of this lame show
[Watch it there son! I LOVE me some Desmond :) But hopefully they kill Kate off in the Finale tonight - who's with me?]

Iatro-tele-phobia

2009-05-07T21:40:00.014-04:00

Iatrophobia is the fear of doctors, or of going to the doctors. I definetly do not have this fear. Infact, I pretty much have a frequent-flyer card at each of my many doctors' offices. As far as I can tell there is no offical name for a fear of television, so for the sake of this discussion I'm going to call it ... telephobia. Not very creative but it gets right to the point; I dont mess around when I'm coming up with innovative scientific terms of the future - this is a 'no fluff zone'. However, I must say again, I definitely do not have a fear of television.

So get to the point right?

Okay, what I do have is a fear of doctors on television. Am I alone here? It's not that I'm going to cry if someone turns on "Grey's Anatomy" or black out if I accidentally flip past an episode of "Scrubs" while I'm looking for The Weather Channel (that one was for you Will). But if I watch too many episodes of something like "House," which is unfortunately one of my favorite shows, I will most likely have horrible nightmares and unavoidable panic attacks about how the bruise on my toe must be gangrene and I'll need an amputation - STAT!

Please tell me I'm not the only person that suffers from Iatro-tele-phobia.
Where are my peeps?

"You know what happens when you make a speculation - you make a spec out of you and ... some guy named lation."
~Gregory House

M&M Wars

2009-05-04T18:01:00.013-04:00

I found this on the web while on my "lunch break" at work today ....

"Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and send me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one."

Gotta Love it :)

Click here for the original posting.

Have you had your shots?

2009-04-18T16:32:00.008-04:00

I just wanted to share with you - the scariest thing I've had to do in a very long time...

This season marks the second spring that my husband and I have spent in our new house. Last year we didn't pay too much attention to the front and back gardens for a few reasons.

1) We had just dropped a disgusting amount of money on buying the house and needed to save up again for awhile before taking on any big, unnecessary projects.

2) The gardens were still holding up pretty well from the previous owners (an older retired couple with enough time on their hands to make themselves a pretty sweet set-up including two apple trees, a rose bush, some vegetables and more flowers & bushes than any human could ever need)

3) We're way to lazy to do anything as constructive as gardening.

4) Did I mention we're seriously lazy?

So in our first 12 months living here the biggest change we made was a lovely garden gnome - which we placed in the front to greet all our new neighbors! Of course, the gnome isn't even ours; it belongs to our roommate (thanks Dawn!) but still. The problem now is that after a year and a half of not tending to all the lovelies that the previous owner left .... our yard had become a jungle. I'm not exaggerating here folks; it was scary to walk from our back door to our gate. I'm pretty sure there would be at least a dozen shots you would want to get before even stepping out the door. There were very few brave souls willing to take the risk and I was not one of those people.

I'll post some pictures later but to make a long story short - I pulled out the necessary tools from our shed: rake, shovel, hedge clippers etc. and prepared to attack! But when I picked up the gardening gloves that had been sitting in the dark, cold shed all winter ... I froze. Let me explain exactly how the thoughts in my head evolved:

Do I really want to stick my fingers in these things? What kind of ooey gooey thing might have crawled up one of the fingers and made itself a home? A bee? A Wasp? A beetle? A spider?? Surely there is a Brown-Recluse just waiting for my juicey finger to come creeping up inside. And then what? My husband is at Home Depot (God only knows how long that trip might take) so I'm going to get bitten by a Brown F'ing Recluse and no one is going to know! And what's worse ... once he does get home, who knows how long it might be before he finds my dead body lost in the jungle that is now our backyard!!

Now... I could have just cut the hedges without gloves - but seriously - these hands are far too delicate for that jazz. I'd rather risk the deadly spider bite than get a blister. But it took me a solid four-minutes of internal struggle to come to that conclusion. Who knew gardening was so dangerous?

Subliminal Advertising?

2009-04-15T18:52:00.007-04:00

Is it just me or has Twilight completely taken over the world? And I am convinced that the FOX Broadcast Company is now in cahoots. They have subtley placed their very own teen-idol vampire into my beloved American Idol and they have brainwashed all of the voting public to give him a free ride to the finale. Confused?

EXHIBIT A: Danny Gokey

EXHIBIT B: Danny Gokey

EXHIBIT C: D A N N Y G O K E Y !!!!

From the look on the face of the girl behind him.... I'm not the first to notice.

Plus, look what they've done to Glambert...

Which Way Do I Turn?

2009-04-11T17:45:00.006-04:00

As I creep closer and closer to the dreaded 30, I've begun to notice what I can only assume are early signs of dementia. Lucky me.

The other day I was in the car on the way to Target and after several miles of straight travel down the same highway I noticed my turn signal was on .... I turned to my husband and said "Why is my turn signal on?" As if he had an explaination or even better, as if it was his fault - how dare he flip on my signal when I wasn't looking?!?

Next stop - blue hair!

Goodbye Scott!

2009-04-09T17:53:00.002-04:00

Well America - we got it right this week. Infact, for once I was totally satisfied with all of the bottom three. But why did the judges act like they were going to save Scott? I mean there is a fine line between being polite and being patronizing - I think they came off pretty insulting.

Next week's theme: Songs from the Cinema with guest mentor .... Quentin Tarantino.

That should be a trainwreck - can't wait!

Attack of the Glambert!

2009-04-08T18:30:00.001-04:00

Final 8

Let's just take them in order of relevance shall we?

8. Scott MacIntyre - Well he took Paula's advice and got out from behind the piano this week - but sadly he replaced it with his "axe" Not good. He's grasping for straws now and I think America knows it. The only way he could make it to the end is if they give us back-to-back-to-back Musak weeks with Andy Williams as the permanent mentor. And, I know this is wrong, but can someone get the boy some sunglasses because the wandering eyes are making me uncomfortable!

7. Lil Rounds - For the last few weeks I have actually been forgetting all about Lil rounds until I see her up there behind the mic. And when she is there, its more interesting to see which wig she will be wearing then what song she is going to sing. Believe me, I wanted her to do well and I think she had a great chance (certainly the judges have been easy on her - constantly reminding America that she has a "great" voice) but I haven't been impressed with a single song she has done since her entrance into the top thirteen.

6. Anoop Desai - I had high hopes for Anoop as well - but he is becoming forgettable and boring. He puts more thought into his tie selection than his song selection. I liked the playful guy we saw in Hollywood week but he seems to have become bitter. Is it just me?

5. Matt Giuard - Another one that I usually forget about. He's had some good nights and this week was one of them. Stevie Wonder songs have been crushed by enough people for him to earn some respect for handling his so well. He should, for once, be safe this week.

4. Adam Lambert - I actually liked the song but once again - overly dramatic. Amazingly there were no screeches this week though so I wont slam him too much. What would happen though if you were listening to the show on the radio instead of watching it on tv? Adam brings the show - the lights, the wardrobe, the hair (and God knows the make-up) but if you just listened to it would you still find it as entertaining - or just annoying? My boy Michael Slezack blessed him with a new nickname this week which I find incredibly fitting .... Glambert! Brilliant.

3. Danny Gokey - What was up with the destruction of "Stand By Me" ??? Awful - and with that said he and his goofy grin should sail through to next week. I can't wait until the final 5 when we might finally get to see Danny sweat.

2. Kris Allen - I've been loving Kris since we finally got to see him perform in the semi-finals. But this week was .... weak. Maybe it was the awkardness of being in the middle of the "mosh pit" though. It didn't fair well for Matt last week either. Its just so contrived - who thought this was a good idea? A friend criticized last night that he's a combination of John Mayer and Jason Mraz ... as if that's a bad thing! Those are two of my fav's!! He's been the most consistant guy on the show so far this season. I am worried though that he might fall into the bottom three this week.

1. Allison Iraheta - Why aren't the judges swooning over this girl??? I hate that they told her she needs more personality. I think she's been great on personality. Cute, sweet, likeable but not overly confident (Glambert - I'm looking at you on this one); I think they really meant that she needs more controversy because that's what gets talked about at the watercooler (or email blasts) the next morning!

So who's it gonna be? We'll find out in ... oh, about an hour; well really about two hours because we will be forced to sit through a few group lipsyncs first - ugh - thank God for DVR's. Can't wait!