Showing posts with label Crazy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Crazy. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Some People Have a Sweet Tooth ...


You may already know that I carpool from Baltimore to D.C. every day with my friend Will.  It saves us gas money and also gives us time to talk some major bull-shit. This morning in the car Will told me a story about a conversation he had with some other friends at happy hour last week.

He was at the bar with his girlfriend, Dawn as well as another couple, Sam and Sarah. 

During casual - happy hour type - conversation, Will brought up some guy that would occasionally come into the bar with home-made beef jerky and offer it up to all the patrons. Someone then jokingly implied that the guy was probably a serial killer and was making jerky out of his victims and then unbeknown to everyone else, they were actually eating people. Muwahahahaha!

Kind of funny - kind of gross but whatever.

Sarah then went on to say that if it WAS human jerky she would try it – just to see how it tasted – you know, just to see if maybe she liked it.

Will was floored (as was I when I heard this). He asked her what she would do if she ended up liking it – would she go around sizing up everyone she saw and think “Mmmm, they look tasty!”

Her response: “I don’t know … maybe.”
Will looked to Sam for some support and also an indication that he knew his wife was bat shit crazy.

Sam’s point of view is that he too would taste human flesh – but only if it was his own.

He said that, for example, if his arm somehow got cut off he would go ahead and take a bite.
(Or some shit like that – perhaps he mentioned cooking it first or waiting until the blood stopped pumping or something – as if it matters. Minor details really.)

As if that makes it better!!! I didn't actually think it could get worse than what Sarah propsed, but in retro-spect I think Sam as actually accomplished it with this statement.

When Will looked at Dawn for her opinion she said there was no way she would have any desire to eat another person. (Thank God)

Will concluded by telling Sam & Sarah ...

“Well, I’m NEVER going hiking with you bitches!”

Nicely put Will.

But maybe I am being naive here. Perhaps there are a larger number of people than expected who would, if given the opportunity, ya know, take a bite. Let's hear it people how many of you are there out there?? Since you might not want to admit it but I am crazy-curious to find out the truth - check out the ANONYMOUS poll in the sidebar. I need to get to the bottom of this.

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Friday, December 4, 2009

The Final Countdown ...

For the last two days on my way to work I have been witnessing the most bizarre sequence of road signs displayed. I will now share with you the progression as I have seen it and I challenge you to explain it.


(fyi -these are not photos of the actual signs I saw - I'm not that good)
_________________________________________________

These signs are being displayed on US Route 100 in Maryland. US Route 1 is a few exits down from the stretch I usually drive but it is NOT a major highway. It has traffic lights - it's nothing special. On top of that, 2 exits before it is the Baltimore-Washington Pkwy, THAT is a major highway; and 2 exits further down is freaking Interstate 95! Why did the road workers feel the need to remind everyone how far they were from Route 1?



________________________________________________
If that wasn't strange enough - less than a mile down the road we get this sign.

WTF Thanks for the countdown?

Is this some new program I'm not aware of?




_______________________________________________
Seriously - is there something you should be telling us here? I mean, since when is 6am on a Thursday the prime time for drunk drivers? I think most people are fairly conscious of looking out for dangerous drivers on the road but is this really the time and place for the sign?





______________________________________________
O-K ... Maybe I should move.
Is this what my tax dollars are paying for?
Was there just an over abundance of prisoners on work release this month - just trying to keep them busy? Or are the 911 operators bored and looking for someone to chat with?

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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Not So Wordless Wednesday


I totally won concert tickets on the radio today! I've never won ANYTHING before. It's so exciting. The concert isn't until March and it's on a Tuesday night which blows but maybe I will just use it as an excuse to take a day off of work. Okay I'm excited again. Now I just have to figure out who to give my extra ticket to ... hmm.

By the way - the tickets are for Norah Jones; love her!

I hope the seats are good. Ugh, the claustrophobic, agoraphobic, panic stricken nut inside me is already getting anxious that I might not have an isle seat.

Have any of you ever won anything on the radio before?


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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

For your viewing AMAZEMENT, "Boy" by Ron Muek.

... and close up detail of the foot ...



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Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Yeah, He Stabbed Himself ... What? Like you Wouldn't?

Three skinheads or Hispanic males dressed in black tried to rob an innocent 29 year old male on his way to work at Blockbuster Video in the Denver area Monday night. According to the Denver Post the man had deep stab wounds to the lower leg requiring several stitches. Multiple police departments set up a perimeter to find the assailants. They even brought in a K-9 unit. But, no luck. After some suspicious camera footage from the local Target popped up, the young man eventually confessed.



Yes folks, he had stabbed himself in the leg because he didn't want to go to work.


Now clearly this was a terrible waste of the Police Department's time and tax payers money. But admit it - you've thought of doing the very same thing ... probably more than once. I know I have. In fact, if I was sure I would get away with it, I would do much, much, much, much uglier things to get out of work.




What makes it even more understandable - the guy worked at BLOCKBUSTER. Speaking from personal experience here, I'd take a day in the ER in a hot second over a day listening to people bitch about late fees. I haven't worked there for several years now, but I still have nightmares about the night Titanic was released and we stayed open until 2am for all the nut jobs that pre-ordered it. Seriously. And don't get me started on Y Tu Mama Tambien (I know half those assholes only rented it so I had to struggle through pronouncing the title when I told them the return date.) What makes me really sick at myself is the fact that in this picture of Adam Brody, I could tell instantly that he was in the Action section of the store b/c of the Clear and Present Danger cover box on the floor.
FML

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Friday, October 16, 2009

IDK

I don't know about you guys but I am totally sick of looking at that Wizard of Oz thing. I don't really have much to say tonight though so I'll give you something else to look at. How about this old ad for Camel Cigarettes - I'm guessing it from the early 50's ...


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Monday, September 14, 2009

Theo & Thea

I was messing around on YouTube tonight when out of nowhere my husband decided that I MUST see a show from his childhood. It's called "Theo en Thea" and it's pretty much the Dutch answer to Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. These two bat-shit crazy people teach kids about make-believe, life & death and of course ball room dancing. Please, please, please you must watch this clip. You're going to be completely lost with the language but trust me it's worth it. Pay special attention to the following moments ...

  • 5:13 Theo advises the gents not to wear any pants that might be too tight ... unfortunately Theo did not take his own advice.
  • 5:45 Just incase you missed anything the first time.
  • 5:57 Thea warns the girls with big "girls" to wear a sturdy bra so you don't knock out your dance partner.
  • 6:37 One more time for good measure.

If these two were on Dancing With The Stars I might actually tune-in for once. Be sure to check out Theo en Thea - Stijldansen (deel 2) for the conclusion of the lessson. Personally I'm a bit too disturbed to continue. (Did I mention this is a kids show??) But I must admit, this explains A LOT about my husband and my in-laws.

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Friday, September 4, 2009

No one can tell Jamie!

Time for The Bee's newest guest blogger! This one is from Sherri about a little incident she had with her daughter Jamie's cat, Snickers. Please enjoy ...


Okay so funny story this morning......I had a little battle with wait for it......Super......wait for it......Glue.


I needed to repair my purse a little so Jamie gave me a bottle of super glue which I thought was already opened. I went to squeeze it out and nothing came out so I though it was clogged so I went to cut the tip of the bottle off. Then nothing would still come out....I then took the whole top off and realized it wasn't opened. I punctured the top and when I did...yes, all you know what broke loose and it went everywhere. Got it all over my nails that I just had done last night, my hands and the counter top. At this moment is when Snickers wanted to see what was going on so he jumped up on the counter and I went to stop him and put my right hand on him. Needless to say at that point I was winging a cat around by his hair which was now stuck to my right hand with the super glue. He freaked out and tried to bite my arm, I finally got a hold of some treats and calmed him down long enough to cut his hair so that I could get my hand off of his middle section. I was late for work this morning trying to get all the superglue and cat hair off my hands. What a MESS!


No one can tell Jamie!

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Thursday, August 27, 2009

Tamps & Hoops

To keep ourselves awake and motivated at work, my family sometimes has an impromptu chat room in the form of e-mail chains. They are often insightful and always hilarious. I had to share with readers of The Bee, a snippet from the conversation today. Please excuse punctuation/spelling/grammar - this was not intended to be published.

A little warning for the boys - this is about some delicate female-issues, you may want to just stop now.


A little background for those of you still with us - when I say "my family" I really mean the women in the family. I come from a fairly large family with LOTS of sisters and daughters. A male birth has been so rare that we celebrate it with a ritual sacrifice. Not goats or chickens or anything - pretty much just pastry. Come to think of it, we pretty much celebrate everything with a ritual sacrifice. We're hard-core like that. Anyway, this past weekend two of the sisters ("Lynn" and "Louise") went on a little vacation to the beach and there were some issues with tampons.

**Buggys made an excellent point - you should know that "Lynn" is not some stupid teenager. She is in fact a grown woman with stupid teenagers of her own.


(( Names and places have been changed to protect the innocent))

Lynn says:

Okay, here goes......and this does not go on anyone's blog......Last week down the beach I had to use them. Haven't ever used them much before and it was horrible. With the first couple I was scared to cough, and having just been sick, that was an issue, so every time I coughed I held myself hoping it didn't just rocket fire out. Then I decided I needed to use super plus. So I bought new one's. However after the first one of those, which were a little different, when I pulled it out I realized that I had left the cardboard on the tampon itself. Now it was a little unraveled due to the absorption of bodily fluids, hopefully it is all out of that area by the time I go for my yearly. I have to say they are a dangerous product and should be used by only experienced personnel!



Louise says:

I took Frank off of the email for the rest of this story! Lynn was a riot, the tampon issue was hysterical and luckily nothing rocket fired out of "the area". The first day she was quite concerned (as one might assume, having never really used tampons before). Hoofing it back and forth to the truck to get to a bathroom to make "the change" gets to be quite time consuming (and hot and exhausting). So, in her infinite wisdom, Lynn became a pro the second day. There was going to be none of that walking back and forth, sweating, losing a good parking spot, etc. So, she decided to change her tampon in the parking lot at the truck. Granted, it was ingenious, and she did quite well and came well prepared. She had JR's truck all week, so she opened both doors, hiked the right leg up on the truck, took out and put back in a new one ... INGENIOUS! She came prepared with bags, wipes, tweezers (for cardboard parts if necessary), five extra bathing suits, a sign saying "take a picture it will last longer", etc. She was a PRO after only one day. OK, there were really no tweezers, extra baby-hoots or a sign .. but it made the story sound better.

Now ... on Thursday, the waves were a bit big... fun, but bigger and rougher than normal. Lynn was sporting a pair of sterling silver hoops that JR had gotten her and wore them every day. By the way Lynn, they enhanced the look everyday, kudos! We got in the water and it wasn't but seconds later when a wave smacked her in the head and one of the earrings fell out. Upset she was ( I would be too). Michelle and I looked up on shore just to see if it had washed up, it hadn't. Next day, there she was sporting the earrings, where was it you ask .... I'll tell you. She took her bathing suit off that night (after mind you, the rest of the day on the beach and an hour and a 1/2 ride home to JR's house), it fell out of her crotch! Now, how could ya not feel that one? Well, I guess coming from the woman who stuck the cardboard up there, you could understand why!

All was well in the world of Lynn by Friday, no tampons, earrings were in ... BUT the water was too damn rough to even get in.

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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

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Monday, July 20, 2009

Kelly & Kelly

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy


If they are truly in love then I am super happy for them but all I can think of is the logistic hell that they are about to enter. Can you imagine what a pain in the ass it is going to be for banks, utilities, physicians, taxes, cell phones, emails, regular mail ... everything! And if they ever get divorced - God help them!

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Saturday, July 11, 2009

Reader's Block

Urban Dictionary ,although bloated with nonsense, has some serious gems. I wanted to share with you one that caught my attention.

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Reader's Block: "this is when you cannot, for the life of you, pick up a book and read it. Sure, you may be able to read a paragraph or two, or maybe even a page, but you don't retain anything of what you just read or have the attention span and/or will to go on. This is common for those who have ADD, are in possession of garbage literature, or are just so exhausted from having to read so many books during school/college that reading anything else, even for pleasure, has become impossible. To those who love to read, this is worse than heart disease and cancer combined."
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Haven't we all been there? Especially in school when you were reading things, whether they be novels or text books, that you really had no interest in. You get through a sentence, a paragraph, a page or even an entire chapter and have no idea what you just read. In my case, it's usually because my mind was wondering on other topics like:

Hmm, what the hell am I going to wear to work tomorrow? I don't have any clean pants but I haven't shaved my legs in like a fortnight so I can't wear a skirt. OK then what's worse...
1) Wearing dirty pants
2) Doing laundry
3) Shaving my legs
Maybe I'll compromise -- just shave up to the knee and wear capris.

Meanwhile my eyes were looking at the words on the page but not taking any of it in. I would go a step further and add an alternate definition to Reader's Block as well. Like when you are an avid reader but just cannot find a good book. I currently have 5 books on my bedside table and I am in the middle of reading each of them. None of them have grabbed my attention enough to commit but I won't give up on them either.

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Thursday, July 2, 2009

Top 10

Andrea over at Not Rocket Science has bestowed upon The Bee a Blog Award.
Thanks Andrea!

I'm supposed to write 10 things about me that my readers may not know. Since I'm pretty sure that its mostly just my mom that reads the blog this is gonna be tough. I think I'll modify the theme a bit and offer up 10 of my Guilty Pleasures which will mostly include trash TV shows that I can't get away from. Let's take this alphabetically shall we?

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1) America's Next Top Model - for some reason I cannot tear myself away from this crap. I think it's basically Ms. Jay that keeps me tuning in. How can you not love him? (or her or whatever)
2) American Idol - Yes I know people love to hate this show and I know that although it may not be "rigged" exactly there is definitely producer pushes for specific contestant and even Simon admitted this season that they don't put the best singers through to the finals. I guess I'm a sucker. side note: Alexis Grace was robbed.
3) Anime - NERD ALERT !!!
4) Big Brother - the new season is starting this month and I can't wait! Unlike some other reality shows this one actually takes some intelligence to win. I know people are cringing as they read that but I swear it's true. Luck will only take you so far on this one. Someone back me up on this.
5) Blackbelt TV - This is a recent addition to my cable line-up and I've fallen in love. My husband is really the one that turned me onto kung-fu movies so I have to give him all the credit. Nothing would make him happier than to die and be reincarnated as Jackie Chan (specifically "Drunken Master" Jackie Chan.)
6) Fox Reality Channel - Have you noticed a pattern here?
7) G4TV - It was shows like Ninja Warrior and Unbeatable Banzuke and their incredible popularity (however underground it may have been) that lead to the less than stellar copycat shows on ABC: Wipeout and I Survived a Japanese Game Show. Don't get me wrong, I'll watch both of these shows if I catch them on, (in fact I'm quite a fan of the I Survived... which even has the same host as Bonzuke) but they are nothing compared to the originals.
8) Jon & Kate Plus 8 - I know there has been an awful lot of hoopla surrounding this family recently but I was a fan way before the "separation heard round the world." I've been less interested lately; I watched for the kids not for the parents. How can you deny a face like that? side note: I harbor a secret desire to have Asian children. They're just so damn cute!
9) Kid Nation - I tuned in to this one out of pure curiosity and quickly got hooked. I'm not expecting a new season anytime soon. Too bad though - these kids were pure gold; Jared was born to be a star.
10) Obsessed - Not sure if this one is really a "guilty pleasure" something about it being on A&E makes me think its high class. Then again, Gene Simmons: Family Jewels is on the same channel so there goes that theory.

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Saturday, June 27, 2009

KILLING the Spirit of Baltimore

Last night my husband and I went to see Distant Worlds: Music from Final Fantasy at the Meyerhoff Symphony Hall in Baltimore. ((For those of you unfamiliar with the game and its music I have added a sampling to the sidebar for your listening pleasure)) I had two very good reasons to be excited about this; #1 my husband is a huge gamer-geek and is totally into the Final Fantasy series, #2 its a guarantee that there will be plenty of people there (and when I say "people" I really mean 'guys that are somehow simultaneously sporting bald spots and adolescent squirrely mustaches') dressing up as their favorite FF character. Now, I love my husband but seriously #2 was by far the more appealing reason. I had very high hopes for the pictures I would be able to share with you. This was going to be my greatest post ever; award winning no doubt; people would cry over its fabulousness, mass hysteria would ensue. This post was going to give the world a reason to forget all the high profile celebrity deaths of this past week. MJ who?? To my great disappointment I did not see a single costume last night. What happened?!? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Baltimore, where's your spirit?!?

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I have a theory. According to FBI data, via a recent article in the Baltimore Sun our fine city is the murder capitol of the United States. I suppose dressing up as a Chocobo would draw far too much unwelcome attention to ones-self and Baltimorians don't need to give anyone more reasons to shoot them. As such, I blame our lovely Mayor, Sheila Dixon, for the lack of an amazing post today.

Please forward all complaints to:

Mayor Sheila Dixon
City Hall, Room 400
100 North Holliday Street
Baltimore, MD 21202
(410) 396-4804; fax: (410) 539-0647
e-mail: mayor@baltimorecity.gov

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Thursday, June 25, 2009

The Suit

Lin over at duck & wheel owed me one and luckily the "tenth photo in [my] first file" is a winner ... Those of you that know me personally should understand this right away - for those of you that don't ... I bid you "Happy Guessing!"

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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

o-b-s-e-s-s-e-d

I'm not one of those people that slows down when they pass a car wreck on the road but I do understand the voyeurism involved. I suffer from it myself but I chose to do my watching from the comfort of my sofa. Mine takes a different form though; I'm a big INTERVENTION watcher from way back. If you haven't seen the show it follows people with drug and alcohol addictions, documenting a week in their lives culminating in a surprise intervention at the end of each episode. I realize some people might think you would have to be sick to watch something like this ... I'm fine with that label. Once in a while when I catch a marathon on A&E I think I, myself, might need an intervention from "intervention."


Even better - A&E came out with a new show this season called obsessed; and yes, I am obsessed with it. (Those people at A&E are so clever with their show names) Since the first episode a few weeks ago I have been wanting to blog about the show but I just don't even know where to start - it's that good. If you haven't been watching it yet then I suggest you get your ass over to hulu and catch up!
In obsessed A&E documents the lives of people with anxiety disorders and their journey through 12-weeks of therapy. Have I mentioned that I suffer from an anxiety disorder myself? You may have picked up on it back in my iatrotelephobia post but I'll make it official. About two years ago I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder and Acute Agoraphobia. Luckily with the help of a few months of therapy and a lifetime of drugs I am coping well with my disease. And let me just say on a serious note folks - mental disorders are no laughing matter. But enough about me - these people are NUTS!

I don't want to ruin it for those of you that have it saved up on your DVR's or anything but seriously - there was a lady that was so afraid to be "dirty" that she took a two hour long shower after every bowel movement. And she didn't joke around here - she had tools! I don't want to gross anyone out but I'll just say there was an enema and a toothbrush involved ... and I loved every crazy second of it!!

I'm sorry have we just turned a corner in our relationship? If you are too disturbed to ever readthebee again I understand ... but you will be missed.

For those of you still left - HOW CRAZY IS THAT BITCH??!?! Admit it - you're gonna start watching aren't you?

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Monday, May 25, 2009

Child Abuse Caught on Film

Wandering through the web this morning I found some photos that had to be shared. They come to you courtesy of the appropriately named awkwardfamilyphotos.com


These poor kids ... I could look at this photo for hours and never stop finding new gems. The most disturbing thing to me is the crazy choke hold that the two boys on the top are giving to their teddy bears. Combine that choke hold with a bowl haircut and an awkward squirrely mustache and I believe we have the makings of a pair of future serial killers on our hands ... maybe I should forward this to John Walsh and give him a head start on these two. At least the girl on the top left seems to realize that her family has some issues and that she needs to get out as soon as humanly possible. Her pose is saying "Yeah sure, I love to dress teddy bears in feather boas" but her eyes are saying "For the love of God, HELP me!"




But the teddy bear kids have nothing on the screwed up life that the unborn child of these two is destined for.
Lets take this one from the top:
1. Pregnant Belly Photos? Totally acceptable.
2. Partial Nudity Photos? When tastefully done - no problem.
3. Sears Portraits with your significant other? That's starting to get creepy but I can deal with it.
----------------------------------------------------
But dude, just because your girl is pregnant and wants to get a picture of her naked belly - that doesn't give you the excuse to take your clothes off too. And just because you're both half naked and pressed up on each other that doesn't give you the excuse to grab her ass in the photo. And nothing gives you the excuse for that hair.



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Sunday, May 17, 2009

Out of Control Eye Lashes


Have you seen ads for this new Latisse stuff??? If not, here is what it claims to do according to their website:
"LATISSE™ solution is a prescription treatment for hypotrichosis used to grow eyelashes, making them longer, thicker and darker."

For those of you unfamiliar with hypotrchosis (and too lazy to click the link I gave you) wiki describes it as "the term dermatologists use to describe a condition of no hair growth. Unlike alopecia, which describes hair loss where formerly there was hair growth, hypotrichosis describes a situation where there wasn't any hair growth in the first place."
OK, I have no problem with that ... if I was born with NO eye lashes I might feel like a bit of freak in a Whoopi Goldberg kind of way. But how many people are there in the world with no eye lashes? Have you ever come across one? I know I haven't - and honestly there's a quick fix for that (one that I've personally used with great success - although it was on Halloween.)

But this product is not even being aimed at those few people with hypotrichosis. It's being aimed at me, and women like me ... women with average eye lashes. I mean, the spokes person is Brooke Shields for God's sake. If a former model and actress needs this product then surely the rest of us do, right? And check out some of their before and after shots. The lashes on that "before" picture look vaguely familiar. In fact, I think I look at them in the mirror every day! And I have a bit of a secret for you now ... I probably shouldn't let this slip and hopefully the Latisse people don't come and hunt me down for ruining their sales ... but I have a trick of my own for making my lashes look a little closer to the "after" picture every day. I think I can trust you not to let this secret go beyond our close circle - it's for readers of The Bee only... I use a new space-age product called Mascara. I know it sounds a little scary at first but trust me on this one.

Did I mention that, like any prescription drug, there are side effects to this stuff? Check it out, again according to their own website:

"May cause eyelid skin darkening which may be irreversible, and there is potential for increased brown iris pigmentation which is likely to be permanent. There is a potential for hair growth to occur in areas where LATISSE™ solution comes in repeated contact with skin surfaces. If you develop or experience any eye problems or have eye surgery, consult your doctor immediately about continued use of LATISSE™. The most common side effects after using LATISSE™ solution are an itching sensation in the eyes and/or eye redness."

Did you happen to catch the words "irreversible" and "permanent" and the mention of hair growth in unwanted areas? I know I sure did. So basically you have the potential to end of looking like this poor girl on an everyday basis. Tragedy. Trust me, stick with the mascara!

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Thursday, May 7, 2009

Iatro-tele-phobia

Iatrophobia is the fear of doctors, or of going to the doctors. I definetly do not have this fear. Infact, I pretty much have a frequent-flyer card at each of my many doctors' offices. As far as I can tell there is no offical name for a fear of television, so for the sake of this discussion I'm going to call it ... telephobia. Not very creative but it gets right to the point; I dont mess around when I'm coming up with innovative scientific terms of the future - this is a 'no fluff zone'. However, I must say again, I definitely do not have a fear of television.

So get to the point right?

Okay, what I do have is a fear of doctors on television. Am I alone here? It's not that I'm going to cry if someone turns on "Grey's Anatomy" or black out if I accidentally flip past an episode of "Scrubs" while I'm looking for The Weather Channel (that one was for you Will). But if I watch too many episodes of something like "House," which is unfortunately one of my favorite shows, I will most likely have horrible nightmares and unavoidable panic attacks about how the bruise on my toe must be gangrene and I'll need an amputation - STAT!

Please tell me I'm not the only person that suffers from Iatro-tele-phobia.
Where are my peeps?



"You know what happens when you make a speculation - you make a spec out of you and ... some guy named lation."
~Gregory House

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Monday, May 4, 2009

M&M Wars

I found this on the web while on my "lunch break" at work today ....


"Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and send me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one."




Gotta Love it :)

Click here for the original posting.

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