Some People Have a Sweet Tooth ...

You may already know that I carpool from Baltimore to D.C. every day with my friend Will.  It saves us gas money and also gives us time to talk some major bull-shit. This morning in the car Will told me a story about a conversation he had with some other friends at happy hour last week.

He was at the bar with his girlfriend, Dawn as well as another couple, Sam and Sarah. 

During casual - happy hour type - conversation, Will brought up some guy that would occasionally come into the bar with home-made beef jerky and offer it up to all the patrons. Someone then jokingly implied that the guy was probably a serial killer and was making jerky out of his victims and then unbeknown to everyone else, they were actually eating people. Muwahahahaha!

Kind of funny - kind of gross but whatever.

Sarah then went on to say that if it WAS human jerky she would try it – just to see how it tasted – you know, just to see if maybe she liked it.

Will was floored (as was I when I heard this). He asked her what she would do if she ended up liking it – would she go around sizing up everyone she saw and think “Mmmm, they look tasty!”

Her response: “I don’t know … maybe.”
Will looked to Sam for some support and also an indication that he knew his wife was bat shit crazy.

Sam’s point of view is that he too would taste human flesh – but only if it was his own.

He said that, for example, if his arm somehow got cut off he would go ahead and take a bite.
(Or some shit like that – perhaps he mentioned cooking it first or waiting until the blood stopped pumping or something – as if it matters. Minor details really.)

As if that makes it better!!! I didn't actually think it could get worse than what Sarah propsed, but in retro-spect I think Sam as actually accomplished it with this statement.

When Will looked at Dawn for her opinion she said there was no way she would have any desire to eat another person. (Thank God)

Will concluded by telling Sam & Sarah ...

“Well, I’m NEVER going hiking with you bitches!”

Nicely put Will.

But maybe I am being naive here. Perhaps there are a larger number of people than expected who would, if given the opportunity, ya know, take a bite. Let's hear it people how many of you are there out there?? Since you might not want to admit it but I am crazy-curious to find out the truth - check out the ANONYMOUS poll in the sidebar. I need to get to the bottom of this.

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Mike Doughty

Thanksgiving Eve I went to see Mike Doughty play at the Recher Theater in Towson with my husband and 4 friends. Traffic was a little hairy but other than that it was a pretty great night. I know most people are wondering "Who the hell is Mike Doughty?" Most of the people I know asked me the same question. In fact, we had two extra tickets and ended up eating one and giving the other away to someone we met at the door. Not exactly a ringing endorsement for the guy but I swear he's good! He was the singer for a band called Soul Coughing in the 90's that is a little more recognizable.


The music was good and all, but people watching was the highlight. There were mountain man beards a plenty; which, as I've mentioned before, are a favorite of mine. Lots of really bad white-hippy-dancing (REALLY bad) and totally uncalled for white-hippy-dreadlocks. The most entertaining though was the tragic group of "friends" sitting in front of us. At first it was two 20-something girlfriends who showed up together and saved a seat for a third friend who would obviously joining them soon. That third friend ended up being a guy - and the awkwardness ensued. Mystery Man showed up for what he was clearly expecting to be a "date" with Girl #1 and looked just a bit disappointed to see Girl #2 there. But Girl #1 was clearly not into Mystery Man and in fact spent most of the evening pretending he wasn't there. This of course lead to much awkward small talk between Mystery Man and Girl #2 and an excess amount of obviously urgent business on his iphone. Once the music started they all at least had something to distract themselves. But a few songs in, he went for the hand-hold and Girl #1 wasn't having any of it. So sad. Poor Mystery Man. He clearly wasn't even a fan of Mike Doughty; the whole night he was preoccupied with this iphone and her hand until the encore when Doughty played one of his hits from Soul Coughing and suddenly Mystery Man was a singing - head-bobbing maniac. So tragic.

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Tibetan Totes

Isn't the Internet amazing? I just got finished chatting with my fabulous friend Bre, who is currently living in Belgium, and it didn't cost me a dime. Well, i mean I pay an arm & a leg for Internet service but you know ... Not only were we able to talk but we could also play games together and even SHOP together. Who could ask for more? One thing I've always been bad at is buying purses. I tend to buy ones that are big enough to carry my entire life around (including snacks and beverages to the movies if necessary) and then rock the same one for years and years - until it falls apart (or until my mother yells at me enough times to get a new one.)

I'll be visiting Bre in her new home while my husband and I are visiting his family in Holland for the Holidays this year. So she suggested that I buy a Robin Ruth while I'm there. I had never heard of them before. Apparently they are all the rage in souvenirs these days. She even has one from London that she can hook her ipod up to - don;t ask me why you would ever need that but its still awesome. I checked out the site while she and I were chatting and they are pretty cute.

So world, don't be surprised to see me sporting a new Amsterdam shoulder bag come 2010. Because if it's good enough for the Dalai Lama then it's good enough for me!

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Sorry, We Got Old

Yesterday I had planned to carve pumpkins for Halloween with my husband and our friend Will (yes, this is the Will of "SMORES" fame.) My husband had never carved a jack-o-lantern in his life ... can you believe that tragic shit? In his defense they do not celebrate Halloween in his mother-land but still. Luckily we had just watched the Food Network Challenge - Pumpkin Carving so he was all set. Our first order of business was where to buy the pumpkins. Will wanted to punk out and buy them from the grocery store but I wasn't going to stand for that. Even though it was a bit drizzly and gray outside I got the boys to go to the family farm down the street. Unfortunately, when we pulled into the drive-way and made our way down the long gravely road we ended up in front of a sad little sign made with an old piece of cardboard and a sharpie that read:

"Sorry, We Got Old. We're Out of Business"

Gotta love the honesty. So we pulled a u-turn and decided to go to another family-run farm a little further away. Once we got there the boys got pretty into it; we took about 20 or 30 minutes picking out our pumpkins and then hauling them back to the car. At this point my husband decided we needed a meal break (even though we were only 10 minutes from our house and had only been out for less than an hour.) So we took a detour and hit the IHOP before going home. I must admit it was a good idea though, the pumpkin pancakes were delish. Once back to the house it was several hours of slimey-bliss. Both boys ended up with cuts that probably should have ended them up in the ER for a few stitches but we were way to focused on the pumpkins so they decided to just walk-it-off. Will spent about 4 minutes actually "carving" his pumpkin and the next three hours staring at it. Edo and I had slightly more intricate designs that took quite a bit longer, especially considering we didn't have any of the proper utensils. Will didn't even have a vegetable peeler! Who lives without a vegetable peeler?? So Edo spent an hour scrapping the top half of his pumpkin with a big old cheese grater and I spent the majority of my time scrapping mine with a dinner spoon! Let me tell you, I was working up a serious sweat too; you can't even imagine how much elbow grease it takes to scrape the skin off a pumpkin with a freaking table spoon. In the end I think they all turned out great. I'll get more pictures on Halloween with them actually lit but for now here they are in all their glory.

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