Saturday, April 18, 2009

Have you had your shots?

I just wanted to share with you - the scariest thing I've had to do in a very long time...

This season marks the second spring that my husband and I have spent in our new house. Last year we didn't pay too much attention to the front and back gardens for a few reasons.

1) We had just dropped a disgusting amount of money on buying the house and needed to save up again for awhile before taking on any big, unnecessary projects.

2) The gardens were still holding up pretty well from the previous owners (an older retired couple with enough time on their hands to make themselves a pretty sweet set-up including two apple trees, a rose bush, some vegetables and more flowers & bushes than any human could ever need)

3) We're way to lazy to do anything as constructive as gardening.

4) Did I mention we're seriously lazy?

So in our first 12 months living here the biggest change we made was a lovely garden gnome - which we placed in the front to greet all our new neighbors! Of course, the gnome isn't even ours; it belongs to our roommate (thanks Dawn!) but still. The problem now is that after a year and a half of not tending to all the lovelies that the previous owner left .... our yard had become a jungle. I'm not exaggerating here folks; it was scary to walk from our back door to our gate. I'm pretty sure there would be at least a dozen shots you would want to get before even stepping out the door. There were very few brave souls willing to take the risk and I was not one of those people.

I'll post some pictures later but to make a long story short - I pulled out the necessary tools from our shed: rake, shovel, hedge clippers etc. and prepared to attack! But when I picked up the gardening gloves that had been sitting in the dark, cold shed all winter ... I froze. Let me explain exactly how the thoughts in my head evolved:

Do I really want to stick my fingers in these things? What kind of ooey gooey thing might have crawled up one of the fingers and made itself a home? A bee? A Wasp? A beetle? A spider?? Surely there is a Brown-Recluse just waiting for my juicey finger to come creeping up inside. And then what? My husband is at Home Depot (God only knows how long that trip might take) so I'm going to get bitten by a Brown F'ing Recluse and no one is going to know! And what's worse ... once he does get home, who knows how long it might be before he finds my dead body lost in the jungle that is now our backyard!!

Now... I could have just cut the hedges without gloves - but seriously - these hands are far too delicate for that jazz. I'd rather risk the deadly spider bite than get a blister. But it took me a solid four-minutes of internal struggle to come to that conclusion. Who knew gardening was so dangerous?


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Subliminal Advertising?

Is it just me or has Twilight completely taken over the world? And I am convinced that the FOX Broadcast Company is now in cahoots. They have subtley placed their very own teen-idol vampire into my beloved American Idol and they have brainwashed all of the voting public to give him a free ride to the finale. Confused?

EXHIBIT A: Danny Gokey

EXHIBIT B: Danny Gokey


From the look on the face of the girl behind him.... I'm not the first to notice.

Plus, look what they've done to Glambert...


Saturday, April 11, 2009

Which Way Do I Turn?

As I creep closer and closer to the dreaded 30, I've begun to notice what I can only assume are early signs of dementia. Lucky me.

The other day I was in the car on the way to Target and after several miles of straight travel down the same highway I noticed my turn signal was on .... I turned to my husband and said "Why is my turn signal on?" As if he had an explaination or even better, as if it was his fault - how dare he flip on my signal when I wasn't looking?!?

Next stop - blue hair!


Thursday, April 9, 2009

Goodbye Scott!

Well America - we got it right this week. Infact, for once I was totally satisfied with all of the bottom three. But why did the judges act like they were going to save Scott? I mean there is a fine line between being polite and being patronizing - I think they came off pretty insulting.

Next week's theme: Songs from the Cinema with guest mentor .... Quentin Tarantino.

That should be a trainwreck - can't wait!


Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Attack of the Glambert!

Final 8

Let's just take them in order of relevance shall we?

8. Scott MacIntyre - Well he took Paula's advice and got out from behind the piano this week - but sadly he replaced it with his "axe" Not good. He's grasping for straws now and I think America knows it. The only way he could make it to the end is if they give us back-to-back-to-back Musak weeks with Andy Williams as the permanent mentor. And, I know this is wrong, but can someone get the boy some sunglasses because the wandering eyes are making me uncomfortable!

7. Lil Rounds - For the last few weeks I have actually been forgetting all about Lil rounds until I see her up there behind the mic. And when she is there, its more interesting to see which wig she will be wearing then what song she is going to sing. Believe me, I wanted her to do well and I think she had a great chance (certainly the judges have been easy on her - constantly reminding America that she has a "great" voice) but I haven't been impressed with a single song she has done since her entrance into the top thirteen.

6. Anoop Desai - I had high hopes for Anoop as well - but he is becoming forgettable and boring. He puts more thought into his tie selection than his song selection. I liked the playful guy we saw in Hollywood week but he seems to have become bitter. Is it just me?

5. Matt Giuard - Another one that I usually forget about. He's had some good nights and this week was one of them. Stevie Wonder songs have been crushed by enough people for him to earn some respect for handling his so well. He should, for once, be safe this week.

4. Adam Lambert - I actually liked the song but once again - overly dramatic. Amazingly there were no screeches this week though so I wont slam him too much. What would happen though if you were listening to the show on the radio instead of watching it on tv? Adam brings the show - the lights, the wardrobe, the hair (and God knows the make-up) but if you just listened to it would you still find it as entertaining - or just annoying? My boy Michael Slezack blessed him with a new nickname this week which I find incredibly fitting .... Glambert! Brilliant.

3. Danny Gokey - What was up with the destruction of "Stand By Me" ??? Awful - and with that said he and his goofy grin should sail through to next week. I can't wait until the final 5 when we might finally get to see Danny sweat.

2. Kris Allen - I've been loving Kris since we finally got to see him perform in the semi-finals. But this week was .... weak. Maybe it was the awkardness of being in the middle of the "mosh pit" though. It didn't fair well for Matt last week either. Its just so contrived - who thought this was a good idea? A friend criticized last night that he's a combination of John Mayer and Jason Mraz ... as if that's a bad thing! Those are two of my fav's!! He's been the most consistant guy on the show so far this season. I am worried though that he might fall into the bottom three this week.

1. Allison Iraheta - Why aren't the judges swooning over this girl??? I hate that they told her she needs more personality. I think she's been great on personality. Cute, sweet, likeable but not overly confident (Glambert - I'm looking at you on this one); I think they really meant that she needs more controversy because that's what gets talked about at the watercooler (or email blasts) the next morning!

So who's it gonna be? We'll find out in ... oh, about an hour; well really about two hours because we will be forced to sit through a few group lipsyncs first - ugh - thank God for DVR's. Can't wait!

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