What a Collosal Waste of 6 years

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Historic Bromo Seltzer Clock Restoration

My husband is working on the most amazing project at work. He's part of a very small team of guys in charge of re-finishing the hands of the most famous timepiece in Baltimore; the historic Bromo Seltzer Tower.  The tower and it's clock were built in 1911 and it's about to celebrate it's 100th anniversary. Unfortunately the clock face on the south side of the tower has not been working for several years so now they're going to fix it. As part of this they are actually taking the hands off of the clock and completely restoring them. The whole event has already been getting decent coverage in the local news.


I found a clip from the local CBS affiliate, WJZ, that included a quick shot of my husband at the very end - I'm not able to embed it but I do have the link to share. http://wjz.com/video/?id=68669@wjz.dayport.com


I also found some great pictures from maryland daily record.

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Muse & Dry Humping

Anyone who knows me - knows that I am a hermit.  But this year for my husband's birthday I bought him tickets to see a band that has been a favorite of his for almost 10 years, Muse. And I could have told him to take a friend but I thought it would be even more amazing if I actually said I would go with him. So last night I found myself elbow to elbow with one of the smelliest groups of people I have ever encountered. The texting with my friends and family began almost immediately ...

8:23 ME: I kinda hate being here, already.

8:24 WILL: I was wondering about you.

8:34 ME: Ok we're in our seats now so I'm happier. Plus I spotted a Starter jacket so that's mad decent.

8:35 WILL: Ha ha ha ha

8:36 ME: I seriously think John Park is sitting 3 rows up from us.

8:41 MOM: Call his name.

8:47 JAMIE: Ha ha u r retarded! He's asian, they all look the same.

8:48 JAMIE: Bowersox killed it dude!

8:49 ME: No! Don't tell me! I'm DVRing it.

8:54 ME: He's wearing teal pants and Kanye sunglasses it's pretty sweet.

8:56 WILL: Sounds phenominal.

9:09 ME: Ok, I just had a mild seizure.

9:10 WILL: Why?

9:10 ME: LASER - LIGHT - SHOW

9:31 ME: And they are doing the Michael Buble song.

9:32 WILL: What? Really? Now that's cool.

9:34 ME: Muse is major laser.


THOUGHTS:

That starter jacket was seriously sweet - it brought me straight back to middle school.

How sad is it that I was worrying about the American Idol Top 10 girls performances I was missing instead of enjoying the live performance by a legit band that was RIGHT INFRONT OF MY FACE?

The "Michael Buble" song I was refering to is Feeling Good which is not really Buble's song. It's was written in the 60's for a musical and has been covered by artists like John Coltrane, Olivia Newton-John, Eels, Ben Taylor, George Micheal and The Pussycat Dolls. But I think pretty much everyone knows it as the "Michael Buble" song so that's what I went with.

I didn't mention it in the texts but there was a couple across the isle from us dry humping the entire time and I felt like a criminal everytime my eyes would wonder from the stage to them .... but seriously how do you not look at that??

There were some confusing times when we couldn't decided if we were going to stay in our seats or stand in front of them and awkwardly "dance" like all the kids do. Once, I finally made up my mind that we were going to stand - but then the next song they played was "Supermassive Black Hole." Unfortunately this is is the song from the Twilight movie soundtrack which ment I had to sit immediately back down so everyone around us didn't think I was just a Twi-hard and not really a Muse fan (and you guys know I am a complete Twi-hard  so this was against my grain.)

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A Tribute to Paul Reubens

Many people seem to remember the great Paul Reubens for his less than glorious 1991 charges involving a popcorn bucket and a porno. But I like to remember him as the kooky? zanny? crazy? creepy? Pee Wee Herman. Or even better - for his role in Blow (great movie by the way - if you haven't seen it make it happen!).

I know I'm not alone in my appreciation of him but even I was surprised when one of Paul Reubens' biggest fans showed up in the strangest of places last night. On my television, smack dab in the middle of my American Idol.

I had no idea that Jermaine Sellers had such love for the man. But clearly after the bow tie / gray jacket / forehead poof presentation he gave, there can be no doubt. Maybe next week he will paint his face blue and honor the amazing John Paragon (aka Jambi the Genie.)

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Those Brits are So Clever

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

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Yet Another Reason...

That Kara DioGuardi is a bane of my existence.

You guys already know that I am and a huge fan of crappy television so get ready for some crap-tastic posts because it's that time of year again...American Idol is back!

Last night was the Season 9 opener and I was pretty unimpressed with Boston's offerings. But the most disturbing part of the show was the segment on a young man named Andrew Fenlon. Am I upset because he was rude to Simon? Or because he was "angry" with Kara? Or because he was a weird guy with weird glasses?

No. I am upset because Fox thinks we are all morons. But in reality, the moron is Kara.

This guy was clearly a fake. He was putting on a show - acting like a strange, weird kid with a strange brown shirt, a goofy haircut and weird too big glasses. He acted like some kind of an outcast. ACTED being the important word here. Take a second look people - this guy is totally the captain of the football team, homecoming king and all that jazz. He's a good looking guy under those glasses and I'm not the only one that noticed. Skip to minute 1:18 on the video and you'll see that even Kara and Victoria Beckham thought he was cute from the second they laid eyes on him ... notice Kara's "Hel-lo" when he walks in the room. That's not just any hello ... we know what that hello means Kara. It means you want to cover him in honey and keep him in your basement.

But then he takes his act too far and gives unnecessary and unfunny responses to Simon's questions and it's downhill from there. Even after giving a great performance ... yes, I said it ... a GREAT performance. Re-watch it people (he starts singing at 2:18.) Yeah his voice cracks once or twice in the beginning but no one is perfect and he was nervous or maybe it wasn't the best song choice or whatever but that was a pretty brilliant vocal (for me, for you, for me.) And I think the judges realized it too. But unfortunately for Mr. Fenlon the resident brain surgeon, Kara DioGuardi, was the first judge to put her two sense in. She freaks out about his "fake" attitude and it was all she wrote.

Now, I'm not sure if Fox put this kid up to it or if he thought of this shenanigans on his own but either way it was stupid. He or they or whoever are idiots for thinking the audience wouldn't see through it. Kara is apparently the only one stupid enough to fall for it.

Can I get an Amen? Please tell me someone else was on to this guy!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_rCDjDi8wA

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Semi Wordless Wednesday

You know you guys can always count on me to watch the cheesiest t.v. shows out there. This week has been no exception. I'm officially a fan of the new show The Sing Off and I'm sorry it's only going to be on for one week. If you're a fan of music or singing, really bad broadway style dance or cutesy matching sweaters then set your DVRs people.

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Wordless Wednesday

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Smile .... with your NECK?

I realize that I am the only loser in the universe that watches America's Next Top Model but this season has been such a hot mess I had to share. This week during judging panel Tyra Banks got so freaking excited she LAID AN EGG.

Ok a little background for those of you that aren't hip to ANTM. Tyra and her groupies are mentally unstable. They like to wear lame costumes and make up new words in their own secret language. And when they are actually speaking in english it is usually done with a made up accent like Frenchanese. This nonsense is what makes up about 99.9% of the show. And what is Tyra's favorite made up word?

SMIZE (sm-iz) noun : to smile with one's eyes ... but only your eyes not the rest of your face because that would just be smiling and that is too easy. Everyone can smile but only Top Models can smize.

This week during judging panel, all of Tyra's groupies (aka judges) were giving the contestants their word vomit ... I mean "advice" on how to be a better model.

Tyra: You need to smize in this picture.

Nigel: You're not modeling *H to T* in this shot.

Mr. Jay: Your need more neck!

Ms. Jay: You need to ... [wait for it] ... Smeck.

Tyra: (shits her pants)

Tyra: OMG! Smeck! Yes! Yes! You need to SMECK ladies!! More SMECKING!

Okay maybe it wasn't exactly like that but it was close. Somehow Ms. Jay managed to merge two of Tyra's favorite words into a new super word and Tyra proceeded to have an excitement-seizure.


((meanwhile I secretly loved it))

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Simpson's Pumpkins

Speaking of pumpkins ... check out the brilliant pumkpins my friends made last week. They aren't really very "Spooky" and they aren't really "Carved" and they aren't really even "Pumpkins" but still.





I don't know where they found the idea but they were executed perfectly. Marge's hair is cotton balls spray painted blue. Love it.

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A Boy Named Lynn

This week's episode of Top Chef was the BEST EVER! My favorite chef-testant (yes, I said it) was once again the winner. Kevin has the best beard ever seen on this show so he was destined to be my favorite - plus he cooks okay too.

The challenge was to prepare food for the Pork & Pinot festival. The winning dish was Pork Leg Terrine with Pickled Cherries. I have no idea what the hell terrine is and it looks kinda like spam but if you're into that kind of thing or if you're into hot Italian accents check out this video of season 7's Fabio preparing the dish.

But the best part of the episode was the guest judge ... who knew that Mr. Belvedere went on to become a James Beard Award winning chef!?!?!?! Seriously that blew my mind right there. I knew this guy was a top-notch thespian but a great chef too? Talk about a modern day renaissance man!

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I <3 Geeks

OK I promise this one has nothing to do with Twilight. But it does involve another one of my favorite authors, A.J. Jacobs. If you haven't read any of his books - WTF are you waiting for? His books are absolutely hilarious and educational to boot. I've read them all, "The Two Kings: Jesus and Elvis"and "The Know-It-All: One Man's Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World" in which he takes you through his journey of reading the entire Encyclopedia Britannica from A-Z, then "The Year Living Biblically" which not so surprisingly is where he literally spends one year of his life attempting to live by the rules of the bible, to his most recent release "The Guinea Pig Diaries" which is a collection of shorter essays on some of the other experiments he lived through in the interest of writing. i have to admit I had a bit of a literary crush on him based on 3 main qualities:

1. He's insanely funny.
2. He reminds me of me - which, now that I think of it, is kind of a creepy reason to have a crush on someone.
3. He's Jewish (I'm not by the way - someday perhaps I will have to explain my love for all things Jewish but now is not the time.)

MY POINT IS ... I heard through a friend last week that A.J. was going to be speaking a Synagogue in D.C. October 1st (I know that sounds weird but this is a super cool synagogue that not only has worship services but also hosts shows like "The Eels" and comedians like Michael Ian Black and movies like "The Big Lebowski" in it's down-time.) I've been psyched to hear A.J. talk and get my books signed for several days now and then tonight to top it off, I happened to be watching The Colbert Report and who was the guest??? A.J. Jacobs, of course. I couldn't have been more excited. I paused the television and yelled for my husband to stop what he was doing and come watch with me. But as soon as A.J. opened his mouth I was stunned.

What's up with the voice A.J. ???

To be fair, I still love him. But it has forced me to realize something about myself. I am a nerd lover - to the bone. There is no denying it now. To my husband: I apologize, I never thought you were that much of a nerd but apparently there is no escaping it.

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Extras!

Who loves Ricky Gervais?? I DO! I DO! Of course everyone knows him from "The Office" but have you ever seen his follow up series "Extras" ?? I have to say I'm a bigger fan of the second show myself and can't wait for his next project. If you haven't seen "Extras" it features Gervais playing a struggling actor named Andy, who's only real work is as an extra. Each episode features a cameo from a list celebs like Robert DeNiro, Ben Stiller, Samuel L. Jackson and Orlando Bloom. If you haven't seen it check out this clip ... Gervais's character, Andy, has shown up to audition for a play directed by Sir Ian McKellan. McKellan proceeds to describe the fine art of "acting" to Andy.

If you're a fan of Ricky Gervais or "The Office" you must watch the reunion show coming soon. Below is a teaser for the show.

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Smurfs Movie?

Yes it's true - I just read that Columbia Pictures and Sony are getting ready to make a Smurfs movie. I guess it was inevitable; its becoming a common thing to take children's television shows from the 80's and turn them into movies (Transformers anyone?) Some of these turn out pretty good but others, like G.I. Joe, are destined for the discount DVD bin.

I have to say that I am seriously looking forward to Spike Jonze's Where The Wild Things Are. I'm not sure it's going to be 'kid friendly' but being as how I don't have kids ... I don't really care, adult friendly works for me. I'm so glad they went with live-action on this one and the puppets from Jim Henson Creature Shop are going to be amazing.

Another one I'm looking forward to is Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. The original Disney version was my absolute favorite movie as a kid. I've seen every subsequent version that I've been able to get my hands on (and there are MANY). I even own "The Complete Works of Lewis Carroll" as well as "Lewis Carroll, Photographer" (a fabulous gift from my sister!); both of which I recommend to any Alice fans. "Still She Haunts Me" is another great book about the relationship between Charles Dodgson and the real life Alice; its a bit disturbing but definitely intriguing. But back to the movie - I'm a little nervous about Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter only because his Willy Wonka was so horrific, but I have faith that they will pull it off in the end.

So which television shows or books from your childhood would you like to see remade into big screen movies and who would you cast or have direct?

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Top 10

Andrea over at Not Rocket Science has bestowed upon The Bee a Blog Award.
Thanks Andrea!

I'm supposed to write 10 things about me that my readers may not know. Since I'm pretty sure that its mostly just my mom that reads the blog this is gonna be tough. I think I'll modify the theme a bit and offer up 10 of my Guilty Pleasures which will mostly include trash TV shows that I can't get away from. Let's take this alphabetically shall we?

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1) America's Next Top Model - for some reason I cannot tear myself away from this crap. I think it's basically Ms. Jay that keeps me tuning in. How can you not love him? (or her or whatever)

2) American Idol - Yes I know people love to hate this show and I know that although it may not be "rigged" exactly there is definitely producer pushes for specific contestant and even Simon admitted this season that they don't put the best singers through to the finals. I guess I'm a sucker. side note: Alexis Grace was robbed.

3) Anime - NERD ALERT !!!

4) Big Brother - the new season is starting this month and I can't wait! Unlike some other reality shows this one actually takes some intelligence to win. I know people are cringing as they read that but I swear it's true. Luck will only take you so far on this one. Someone back me up on this.

5) Blackbelt TV - This is a recent addition to my cable line-up and I've fallen in love. My husband is really the one that turned me onto kung-fu movies so I have to give him all the credit. Nothing would make him happier than to die and be reincarnated as Jackie Chan (specifically "Drunken Master" Jackie Chan.)

6) Fox Reality Channel - Have you noticed a pattern here?

7) G4TV - It was shows like Ninja Warrior and Unbeatable Banzuke and their incredible popularity (however underground it may have been) that lead to the less than stellar copycat shows on ABC: Wipeout and I Survived a Japanese Game Show. Don't get me wrong, I'll watch both of these shows if I catch them on, (in fact I'm quite a fan of the I Survived... which even has the same host as Bonzuke) but they are nothing compared to the originals.

8) Jon & Kate Plus 8 - I know there has been an awful lot of hoopla surrounding this family recently but I was a fan way before the "separation heard round the world." I've been less interested lately; I watched for the kids not for the parents. How can you deny a face like that? side note: I harbor a secret desire to have Asian children. They're just so damn cute!

9) Kid Nation - I tuned in to this one out of pure curiosity and quickly got hooked. I'm not expecting a new season anytime soon. Too bad though - these kids were pure gold; Jared was born to be a star.

10) Obsessed - Not sure if this one is really a "guilty pleasure" something about it being on A&E makes me think its high class. Then again, Gene Simmons: Family Jewels is on the same channel so there goes that theory.

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A Little Matt Costa Love

For some reason my DVR failed to record "obsessed" last night which REALLY upsets me. So I was forced to watch live TV which is a completely stone-aged activity. While I was stuck watching commercials I saw one for the iphone 3g. I didn't pay that much attention to what they were trying to sell - maybe something about how they have combined forces with Ron Popeil and there is a new app that will make you beef jerky on-demand. What I did notice was the music they used; throughout the first 85 seconds (of the 90 second commercial) they played the song "Mr. Pitiful" by Matt Costa. Then while showing how you can use voice activation to play music on your phone they used the example "play music by Jack Johnson" and quickly changed the song to one of his as well as displaying one of his album covers on the iphone screen. I know most people wouldn't even notice this but Matt Costa is freaking amazing and he deserves some R-E-S-P-E-C-T apple! I know the audience of The Bee cannot hope to compete with the audience of "The Colbert Report" which is what I was watching at the time, but I feel I should do my part; I have posted Mr. Costa's video for the song iphone used below. Love you Matt. Call me.

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o-b-s-e-s-s-e-d

I'm not one of those people that slows down when they pass a car wreck on the road but I do understand the voyeurism involved. I suffer from it myself but I chose to do my watching from the comfort of my sofa. Mine takes a different form though; I'm a big INTERVENTION watcher from way back. If you haven't seen the show it follows people with drug and alcohol addictions, documenting a week in their lives culminating in a surprise intervention at the end of each episode. I realize some people might think you would have to be sick to watch something like this ... I'm fine with that label. Once in a while when I catch a marathon on A&E I think I, myself, might need an intervention from "intervention."

Even better - A&E came out with a new show this season called obsessed; and yes, I am obsessed with it. (Those people at A&E are so clever with their show names) Since the first episode a few weeks ago I have been wanting to blog about the show but I just don't even know where to start - it's that good. If you haven't been watching it yet then I suggest you get your ass over to hulu and catch up!

In obsessed A&E documents the lives of people with anxiety disorders and their journey through 12-weeks of therapy. Have I mentioned that I suffer from an anxiety disorder myself? You may have picked up on it back in my iatrotelephobia post but I'll make it official. About two years ago I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder and Acute Agoraphobia. Luckily with the help of a few months of therapy and a lifetime of drugs I am coping well with my disease. And let me just say on a serious note folks - mental disorders are no laughing matter. But enough about me - these people are NUTS!

I don't want to ruin it for those of you that have it saved up on your DVR's or anything but seriously - there was a lady that was so afraid to be "dirty" that she took a two hour long shower after every bowel movement. And she didn't joke around here - she had tools! I don't want to gross anyone out but I'll just say there was an enema and a toothbrush involved ... and I loved every crazy second of it!!

I'm sorry have we just turned a corner in our relationship? If you are too disturbed to ever readthebee again I understand ... but you will be missed.

For those of you still left - HOW CRAZY IS THAT BITCH??!?! Admit it - you're gonna start watching aren't you?

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The Amazing Bento

What was your favorite subject in grade school? Most kids would say recess, which is nothing if not honest. But what about lunch?

Lunch was the shit people.

Each August, the day my sister and I went to the store to pick out our new lunch boxes was simultaneously the most exciting and most stressful day of my life (yes, my anxiety disorder started at a young age - but I digress) The lunch box had to be super cool, but not the most popular thing because then every other kid would have it too. It had to be original. And it could not be too babyish - I mean as eight year olds we all still watched The Smurfs but we weren't going to admit it to each other and walking through the class with a public announcement that you did was social suicide. I can still remember the purple Mickey & Minnie Mouse gem that was the shining star of my third grade existence. But imagine if your parents sent you off with one of these boxes -> I mean the colors are cute enough but seriously ... L-A-M-E. But these little boxes hold a secret; a secret that would instantly make you the King or Queen of the lunch room and the envy of the entire student body. These are Bento boxes. Have you heard of Bento? If not, wiki defines it as "a single-portion takeout or home-packed meal common in Japanese cuisine. [...] Although bento is readily available in many places throughout Japan [...],it is still common for Japanese homemakers to spend considerable time and energy producing an appealing boxed lunch." But even from this definition you cannot appreciate the magic that is - Bento. Imagine now, that you opened that innocent looking box to reveal this ...

I discovered Bento several months ago on 'adventures in bento making'. I was instantly amazed. She makes one of these almost everyday. Sometimes for herself and sometimes for her husband but often for her children. Some of my favorites are the ones which were inspired by the tv show LOST. I have posted a few below but you must go visit her site and check out the gallery for yourself.

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On the down side, as an eight year old I would probably rather die than eat the amount of broccoli that she includes in these things but at least I would die as the kid with the coolest lunch.

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That's Mr. LaForge to You

I know this might seem like a bit much to some of you but at the risk of alienating some of my readers all I can say is ... sometimes the truth hurts.

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The Real World vs. The Real Weather Channel Challenge: Zimbabwe

The Bee is proud to welcome it's first Guest Blogger. The incomparable Will [with comments by Jen] brings us his feelings on the current state of television programing ....

Maybe I’m late on this train, but T.V. is ridiculous. I know that’s a vague statement so allow me to set up my current issue with today’s T.V.

I can’t help but notice all the offspring that have spawned from original T.V. stations i.e. MTV, MTV2, MTVU, MTV Hits, MTV Soul and of course MTVTr3s (Espanol, Amigo), VH1 & VH1 Classics, all the movie channels; HBO, Showtime, Encore, Starz and Cinemax have at least 5 children of their own. There’s Nickelodeon, Nick Jr., Nick at Night and Noggin [don't forget Nick GAS - that's Game And Sports for those of you not "in the know"] and I think Fox has a separate news channel and a reality station. [Hells yeah they do - Fox Reality Channel is one of my favorites!]

Now don’t get me wrong, I like TV, even bad T.V., [for real he's not lying here people - his idea of a fun evening is a grilled cheese sandwich and an Antiques Roadshow Marathon] but it kind of bugs me that there are so many different channels. It’s unnecessary and I think people are just watching too much T.V.

I really blame MTV because I think they started breeding first. I think it began with "The Real World." Ever since that show aired on MTV and became such a "hit", MTV stopped playing music videos and just started airing more reality shows [and lame documentaries I mean seriously - who does Kurt Loder think he is anyway?]. Those shows became more popular then just watching music videos so they had to branch out and make MTV2 and it became a domino effect.

Recently, Jen and I were watching T.V., looking for the weather channel, when we came across "Weatherscan." We were hoping to check it out the weather for the week but to our surprise, we discovered that "Weatherscan" wasn’t actually "The Weather Channel" at all, it was a new channel. For those of you that are unfamiliar with it, "Weatherscan" is basically a non stop local forecast for your area with occasional views of the country’s current conditions. Sounds like "The Weather Channel," right? Well, it’s not, it’s "Weather Channel 2". After Jen and I realized it wasn’t "The Weather Channel" we started to wonder what was actually on "The Weather Channel". Thoughts of reality shows , gameshows and documentaries automatically entered our heads. We’d both seen advertisements for a shows called "Storm Chasers"and "When Weather Changed History." Hence my anger towards MTV, wrapping up this crazy rant.

Anyway, Jen and I both discussed this at length and we came to the conclusion that sometime in the near future there will be a "Weather Channel 3" and hopefully a "Weather Channel Espanol".[Which we have been referring to as "WTC 8" or "The Ocho"] For our own amusement, and yours, we’ve brainstormed a few shows that may one day (we hope) be aired on one of these future Weather Channels.

1) "Who wants to Marry a Meteorologist?"
Reality / Gameshow, (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations)
Desperate women compete for a washed-out meteorologist. Hosted by Al Roker.

2) "America’s Next Top Meteorologist"
Reality / Gameshow, (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations)
Contestants compete to become the star of show #1. Hosted by Willard Scott and sponsored by Smuckers.

3) "Dancing with the Doppler Radar"
Reality / Gameshow, (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations)
Contestants perform various dances relating to Doppler Radar images from different parts of the world.

4) "Intervention"
Reality (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations, weather channel abuse)
People who are addicted to the weather channel.
[um...Will, no offense, but they might need to cast you on this one buddy]

5) "Who Lost A Shoe"
Reality / Gameshow (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations)
Contestants are given a shoe and have to figure out who lost it.
[Is this going to be like The Mole b/c I seriously miss that show - I might tune in]

6) "What Not to Wear, Outside"
Reality / Makeover (Rated TV-PG13 - sexual situations)
People are ridiculed for wearing clothing not intended for certain weather conditions.

7) "Lost"
Sci-Fi Drama (Rated TV-PG13 for Kate sleeping with everyone)
Reruns of this lame show
[Watch it there son! I LOVE me some Desmond :) But hopefully they kill Kate off in the Finale tonight - who's with me?]

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