Friday, November 13, 2009

Smile .... with your NECK?

I realize that I am the only loser in the universe that watches America's Next Top Model but this season has been such a hot mess I had to share. This week during judging panel Tyra Banks got so freaking excited she LAID AN EGG.

Ok a little background for those of you that aren't hip to ANTM. Tyra and her groupies are mentally unstable. They like to wear lame costumes and make up new words in their own secret language. And when they are actually speaking in english it is usually done with a made up accent like Frenchanese. This nonsense is what makes up about 99.9% of the show. And what is Tyra's favorite made up word?

SMIZE (sm-iz) noun : to smile with one's eyes ... but only your eyes not the rest of your face because that would just be smiling and that is too easy. Everyone can smile but only Top Models can smize.

This week during judging panel, all of Tyra's groupies (aka judges) were giving the contestants their word vomit ... I mean "advice" on how to be a better model.

Tyra: You need to smize in this picture.

Nigel: You're not modeling *H to T* in this shot.

Mr. Jay: Your need more neck!

Ms. Jay: You need to ... [wait for it] ... Smeck.

Tyra: (shits her pants)

Tyra: OMG! Smeck! Yes! Yes! You need to SMECK ladies!! More SMECKING!

Okay maybe it wasn't exactly like that but it was close. Somehow Ms. Jay managed to merge two of Tyra's favorite words into a new super word and Tyra proceeded to have an excitement-seizure.

((meanwhile I secretly loved it))


Staci November 13, 2009 at 8:40 PM  

Sign me up for the Loser's Club because I still watch it, too.

Do you want to know what annoys me this season? It's not the made up words. It's the flats. We know this season is about petite models. We've been told it every episode. So why do they insist on making the models wear hideous, flat shoes that make them look even shorter? Some are showing up in Keds every week. Keds. Seriously.

It totally contradicts all we've learned in previous seasons, which is models must wear heels to panel and to go sees. I would think, given these models' height, they would have to wear even higher ones. But no, we get Keds and some shoes someone's grandma made.

So I think someone thought that would be a good idea to emphasize their lack of height or Tyra did it so she could seem even more towering or princess like.

Despite all that, I still keep watching. (So glad Blondie is gone...) So what does that say about me?

Buggys November 14, 2009 at 8:41 AM  

I'm speechless. I watched the clip with no sound and I think I'm glad i did. I'm afraid I would be barfing if I heard the nonsense they are spewing.
They get paid for this mess. Ok, there must be some entertainment value here. Rate the freaks or something. I get it.

Roschelle November 14, 2009 at 8:58 AM  

I love the show. I thought they had taken it off the air. What station???

Lin November 14, 2009 at 10:47 PM  

I saw it on Oxygen today while I was ironing. I always wonder why I watch this show, but I guess it is good entertainment for ironing.

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