Sunday, May 31, 2009

Who doesn't need a Snuggernaut?


Monday, May 25, 2009

Child Abuse Caught on Film

Wandering through the web this morning I found some photos that had to be shared. They come to you courtesy of the appropriately named

These poor kids ... I could look at this photo for hours and never stop finding new gems. The most disturbing thing to me is the crazy choke hold that the two boys on the top are giving to their teddy bears. Combine that choke hold with a bowl haircut and an awkward squirrely mustache and I believe we have the makings of a pair of future serial killers on our hands ... maybe I should forward this to John Walsh and give him a head start on these two. At least the girl on the top left seems to realize that her family has some issues and that she needs to get out as soon as humanly possible. Her pose is saying "Yeah sure, I love to dress teddy bears in feather boas" but her eyes are saying "For the love of God, HELP me!"

But the teddy bear kids have nothing on the screwed up life that the unborn child of these two is destined for.
Lets take this one from the top:
1. Pregnant Belly Photos? Totally acceptable.
2. Partial Nudity Photos? When tastefully done - no problem.
3. Sears Portraits with your significant other? That's starting to get creepy but I can deal with it.
But dude, just because your girl is pregnant and wants to get a picture of her naked belly - that doesn't give you the excuse to take your clothes off too. And just because you're both half naked and pressed up on each other that doesn't give you the excuse to grab her ass in the photo. And nothing gives you the excuse for that hair.


Thursday, May 21, 2009

OMG Herself The Elf!

This is a bit indulgent I know but after my Picture Pages flashback it got me thinking about other great 80's fashions, fads and tv shows that I miss. That's way too much for one post so this one is just going to be a reminder of some of the greatest toys we had in the 80's...

I think we all remember the biggies ... He-Man & She-Ra, Smurfs, California Raisins, Popples, Rainbow Bright, Light Brite (personal fav), Teddy Ruxbin, Care Bears etc. but you may have forgotten about these...



(I'm pretty sure these came with sponges and their tails would change color with cold water)


(Did we really ever think these were cute?)


(You probably remember Polly-Pocket but what about these??)


(Proof that you could pretty much slap some hot-pink on anything and kids would want it in the 80's)

(I don't remember this one - seems a bit violent to me - I'm pretty sure mine involved some sort of zebra print)


(These were a poor-man's Care Bear but I definitely had one ... what does that say about me?)


(What's with the obession over animals with an identity crisis?)


(There were some serious throw-downs on the playground blacktop over these)


(This one is mostly for my sister's sake - does anyone else remember her?)


(Who needs an I-Pod when you have one of these??)

I could go on and on - its probably gotten a bit obnoxious already. Anyone remember more?


Sunday, May 17, 2009

Out of Control Eye Lashes

Have you seen ads for this new Latisse stuff??? If not, here is what it claims to do according to their website:
"LATISSE™ solution is a prescription treatment for hypotrichosis used to grow eyelashes, making them longer, thicker and darker."

For those of you unfamiliar with hypotrchosis (and too lazy to click the link I gave you) wiki describes it as "the term dermatologists use to describe a condition of no hair growth. Unlike alopecia, which describes hair loss where formerly there was hair growth, hypotrichosis describes a situation where there wasn't any hair growth in the first place."
OK, I have no problem with that ... if I was born with NO eye lashes I might feel like a bit of freak in a Whoopi Goldberg kind of way. But how many people are there in the world with no eye lashes? Have you ever come across one? I know I haven't - and honestly there's a quick fix for that (one that I've personally used with great success - although it was on Halloween.)

But this product is not even being aimed at those few people with hypotrichosis. It's being aimed at me, and women like me ... women with average eye lashes. I mean, the spokes person is Brooke Shields for God's sake. If a former model and actress needs this product then surely the rest of us do, right? And check out some of their before and after shots. The lashes on that "before" picture look vaguely familiar. In fact, I think I look at them in the mirror every day! And I have a bit of a secret for you now ... I probably shouldn't let this slip and hopefully the Latisse people don't come and hunt me down for ruining their sales ... but I have a trick of my own for making my lashes look a little closer to the "after" picture every day. I think I can trust you not to let this secret go beyond our close circle - it's for readers of The Bee only... I use a new space-age product called Mascara. I know it sounds a little scary at first but trust me on this one.

Did I mention that, like any prescription drug, there are side effects to this stuff? Check it out, again according to their own website:

"May cause eyelid skin darkening which may be irreversible, and there is potential for increased brown iris pigmentation which is likely to be permanent. There is a potential for hair growth to occur in areas where LATISSE™ solution comes in repeated contact with skin surfaces. If you develop or experience any eye problems or have eye surgery, consult your doctor immediately about continued use of LATISSE™. The most common side effects after using LATISSE™ solution are an itching sensation in the eyes and/or eye redness."

Did you happen to catch the words "irreversible" and "permanent" and the mention of hair growth in unwanted areas? I know I sure did. So basically you have the potential to end of looking like this poor girl on an everyday basis. Tragedy. Trust me, stick with the mascara!


Saturday, May 16, 2009

The Back Yard "Before"

As promised I have finally uploaded some pictures (well .... one picture) of my back yard "before" the transformation. There are a few key items that I wanted to point out in fear that you would miss the best bits.

A: This is a lovely example of the overgrown madness that was left by the previous owners. This was originally one half of a matching set until ...
B: The second half fell over under its own weight.
C: These are some super cute flower pots generously purchased by my mother-in-law on her last visit from Holland. She and my husband took a trip to Home Depot one day while I was at work and I came home to a pansy delight in the back yard. It was great - but as previously mentioned we are lazy people and it didn't last long. Notice the total lack of flora currently in the cute pots.
D: We purchased these hedge clippers during our first spring in the house - if only we had used them we might not have been in this mess.
E: Can you believe we recycle? GO EARTH!! :)
F: This DRUM can is my husband's main contribution to the outside decore. Notice the rust (perhaps he thinks this makes it an "antique").
SIDE NOTE: While adding the labels to my photo I was overwhelmed with the most amazing feeling that I was just like Bill Cosby in Picture Pages. If only I had the magic musical pen it would have been an 80's dream come true! (The addition of some slouch socks and a slap braclet would have sent me over the top!)


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Real World vs. The Real Weather Channel Challenge: Zimbabwe

The Bee is proud to welcome it's first Guest Blogger. The incomparable Will [with comments by Jen] brings us his feelings on the current state of television programing ....

Maybe I’m late on this train, but T.V. is ridiculous. I know that’s a vague statement so allow me to set up my current issue with today’s T.V.

I can’t help but notice all the offspring that have spawned from original T.V. stations i.e. MTV, MTV2, MTVU, MTV Hits, MTV Soul and of course MTVTr3s (Espanol, Amigo), VH1 & VH1 Classics, all the movie channels; HBO, Showtime, Encore, Starz and Cinemax have at least 5 children of their own. There’s Nickelodeon, Nick Jr., Nick at Night and Noggin [don't forget Nick GAS - that's Game And Sports for those of you not "in the know"] and I think Fox has a separate news channel and a reality station. [Hells yeah they do - Fox Reality Channel is one of my favorites!]

Now don’t get me wrong, I like TV, even bad T.V., [for real he's not lying here people - his idea of a fun evening is a grilled cheese sandwich and an Antiques Roadshow Marathon] but it kind of bugs me that there are so many different channels. It’s unnecessary and I think people are just watching too much T.V.

I really blame MTV because I think they started breeding first. I think it began with "The Real World." Ever since that show aired on MTV and became such a "hit", MTV stopped playing music videos and just started airing more reality shows [and lame documentaries I mean seriously - who does Kurt Loder think he is anyway?]. Those shows became more popular then just watching music videos so they had to branch out and make MTV2 and it became a domino effect.

Recently, Jen and I were watching T.V., looking for the weather channel, when we came across "Weatherscan." We were hoping to check it out the weather for the week but to our surprise, we discovered that "Weatherscan" wasn’t actually "The Weather Channel" at all, it was a new channel. For those of you that are unfamiliar with it, "Weatherscan" is basically a non stop local forecast for your area with occasional views of the country’s current conditions. Sounds like "The Weather Channel," right? Well, it’s not, it’s "Weather Channel 2". After Jen and I realized it wasn’t "The Weather Channel" we started to wonder what was actually on "The Weather Channel". Thoughts of reality shows , gameshows and documentaries automatically entered our heads. We’d both seen advertisements for a shows called "Storm Chasers"and "When Weather Changed History." Hence my anger towards MTV, wrapping up this crazy rant.

Anyway, Jen and I both discussed this at length and we came to the conclusion that sometime in the near future there will be a "Weather Channel 3" and hopefully a "Weather Channel Espanol".[Which we have been referring to as "WTC 8" or "The Ocho"] For our own amusement, and yours, we’ve brainstormed a few shows that may one day (we hope) be aired on one of these future Weather Channels.

1) "Who wants to Marry a Meteorologist?"
Reality / Gameshow, (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations)
Desperate women compete for a washed-out meteorologist. Hosted by Al Roker.

2) "America’s Next Top Meteorologist"
Reality / Gameshow, (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations)
Contestants compete to become the star of show #1. Hosted by Willard Scott and sponsored by Smuckers.

3) "Dancing with the Doppler Radar"
Reality / Gameshow, (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations)
Contestants perform various dances relating to Doppler Radar images from different parts of the world.

4) "Intervention"
Reality (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations, weather channel abuse)
People who are addicted to the weather channel.
[um...Will, no offense, but they might need to cast you on this one buddy]

5) "Who Lost A Shoe"
Reality / Gameshow (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations)
Contestants are given a shoe and have to figure out who lost it.
[Is this going to be like The Mole b/c I seriously miss that show - I might tune in]

6) "What Not to Wear, Outside"
Reality / Makeover (Rated TV-PG13 - sexual situations)
People are ridiculed for wearing clothing not intended for certain weather conditions.

7) "Lost"
Sci-Fi Drama (Rated TV-PG13 for Kate sleeping with everyone)
Reruns of this lame show
[Watch it there son! I LOVE me some Desmond :) But hopefully they kill Kate off in the Finale tonight - who's with me?]


Thursday, May 7, 2009


Iatrophobia is the fear of doctors, or of going to the doctors. I definetly do not have this fear. Infact, I pretty much have a frequent-flyer card at each of my many doctors' offices. As far as I can tell there is no offical name for a fear of television, so for the sake of this discussion I'm going to call it ... telephobia. Not very creative but it gets right to the point; I dont mess around when I'm coming up with innovative scientific terms of the future - this is a 'no fluff zone'. However, I must say again, I definitely do not have a fear of television.

So get to the point right?

Okay, what I do have is a fear of doctors on television. Am I alone here? It's not that I'm going to cry if someone turns on "Grey's Anatomy" or black out if I accidentally flip past an episode of "Scrubs" while I'm looking for The Weather Channel (that one was for you Will). But if I watch too many episodes of something like "House," which is unfortunately one of my favorite shows, I will most likely have horrible nightmares and unavoidable panic attacks about how the bruise on my toe must be gangrene and I'll need an amputation - STAT!

Please tell me I'm not the only person that suffers from Iatro-tele-phobia.
Where are my peeps?

"You know what happens when you make a speculation - you make a spec out of you and ... some guy named lation."
~Gregory House


Monday, May 4, 2009

M&M Wars

I found this on the web while on my "lunch break" at work today ....

"Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and send me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one."

Gotta Love it :)

Click here for the original posting.

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