Muse & Dry Humping

Anyone who knows me - knows that I am a hermit.  But this year for my husband's birthday I bought him tickets to see a band that has been a favorite of his for almost 10 years, Muse. And I could have told him to take a friend but I thought it would be even more amazing if I actually said I would go with him. So last night I found myself elbow to elbow with one of the smelliest groups of people I have ever encountered. The texting with my friends and family began almost immediately ...

8:23 ME: I kinda hate being here, already.

8:24 WILL: I was wondering about you.

8:34 ME: Ok we're in our seats now so I'm happier. Plus I spotted a Starter jacket so that's mad decent.

8:35 WILL: Ha ha ha ha

8:36 ME: I seriously think John Park is sitting 3 rows up from us.

8:41 MOM: Call his name.

8:47 JAMIE: Ha ha u r retarded! He's asian, they all look the same.

8:48 JAMIE: Bowersox killed it dude!

8:49 ME: No! Don't tell me! I'm DVRing it.

8:54 ME: He's wearing teal pants and Kanye sunglasses it's pretty sweet.

8:56 WILL: Sounds phenominal.

9:09 ME: Ok, I just had a mild seizure.

9:10 WILL: Why?

9:10 ME: LASER - LIGHT - SHOW

9:31 ME: And they are doing the Michael Buble song.

9:32 WILL: What? Really? Now that's cool.

9:34 ME: Muse is major laser.


THOUGHTS:

That starter jacket was seriously sweet - it brought me straight back to middle school.

How sad is it that I was worrying about the American Idol Top 10 girls performances I was missing instead of enjoying the live performance by a legit band that was RIGHT INFRONT OF MY FACE?

The "Michael Buble" song I was refering to is Feeling Good which is not really Buble's song. It's was written in the 60's for a musical and has been covered by artists like John Coltrane, Olivia Newton-John, Eels, Ben Taylor, George Micheal and The Pussycat Dolls. But I think pretty much everyone knows it as the "Michael Buble" song so that's what I went with.

I didn't mention it in the texts but there was a couple across the isle from us dry humping the entire time and I felt like a criminal everytime my eyes would wonder from the stage to them .... but seriously how do you not look at that??

There were some confusing times when we couldn't decided if we were going to stay in our seats or stand in front of them and awkwardly "dance" like all the kids do. Once, I finally made up my mind that we were going to stand - but then the next song they played was "Supermassive Black Hole." Unfortunately this is is the song from the Twilight movie soundtrack which ment I had to sit immediately back down so everyone around us didn't think I was just a Twi-hard and not really a Muse fan (and you guys know I am a complete Twi-hard  so this was against my grain.)

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A Tribute to Paul Reubens

Many people seem to remember the great Paul Reubens for his less than glorious 1991 charges involving a popcorn bucket and a porno. But I like to remember him as the kooky? zanny? crazy? creepy? Pee Wee Herman. Or even better - for his role in Blow (great movie by the way - if you haven't seen it make it happen!).

I know I'm not alone in my appreciation of him but even I was surprised when one of Paul Reubens' biggest fans showed up in the strangest of places last night. On my television, smack dab in the middle of my American Idol.

I had no idea that Jermaine Sellers had such love for the man. But clearly after the bow tie / gray jacket / forehead poof presentation he gave, there can be no doubt. Maybe next week he will paint his face blue and honor the amazing John Paragon (aka Jambi the Genie.)

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Yet Another Reason...

That Kara DioGuardi is a bane of my existence.

You guys already know that I am and a huge fan of crappy television so get ready for some crap-tastic posts because it's that time of year again...American Idol is back!

Last night was the Season 9 opener and I was pretty unimpressed with Boston's offerings. But the most disturbing part of the show was the segment on a young man named Andrew Fenlon. Am I upset because he was rude to Simon? Or because he was "angry" with Kara? Or because he was a weird guy with weird glasses?

No. I am upset because Fox thinks we are all morons. But in reality, the moron is Kara.

This guy was clearly a fake. He was putting on a show - acting like a strange, weird kid with a strange brown shirt, a goofy haircut and weird too big glasses. He acted like some kind of an outcast. ACTED being the important word here. Take a second look people - this guy is totally the captain of the football team, homecoming king and all that jazz. He's a good looking guy under those glasses and I'm not the only one that noticed. Skip to minute 1:18 on the video and you'll see that even Kara and Victoria Beckham thought he was cute from the second they laid eyes on him ... notice Kara's "Hel-lo" when he walks in the room. That's not just any hello ... we know what that hello means Kara. It means you want to cover him in honey and keep him in your basement.

But then he takes his act too far and gives unnecessary and unfunny responses to Simon's questions and it's downhill from there. Even after giving a great performance ... yes, I said it ... a GREAT performance. Re-watch it people (he starts singing at 2:18.) Yeah his voice cracks once or twice in the beginning but no one is perfect and he was nervous or maybe it wasn't the best song choice or whatever but that was a pretty brilliant vocal (for me, for you, for me.) And I think the judges realized it too. But unfortunately for Mr. Fenlon the resident brain surgeon, Kara DioGuardi, was the first judge to put her two sense in. She freaks out about his "fake" attitude and it was all she wrote.

Now, I'm not sure if Fox put this kid up to it or if he thought of this shenanigans on his own but either way it was stupid. He or they or whoever are idiots for thinking the audience wouldn't see through it. Kara is apparently the only one stupid enough to fall for it.

Can I get an Amen? Please tell me someone else was on to this guy!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_rCDjDi8wA

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Semi Wordless Wednesday

You know you guys can always count on me to watch the cheesiest t.v. shows out there. This week has been no exception. I'm officially a fan of the new show The Sing Off and I'm sorry it's only going to be on for one week. If you're a fan of music or singing, really bad broadway style dance or cutesy matching sweaters then set your DVRs people.

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Smile .... with your NECK?

I realize that I am the only loser in the universe that watches America's Next Top Model but this season has been such a hot mess I had to share. This week during judging panel Tyra Banks got so freaking excited she LAID AN EGG.

Ok a little background for those of you that aren't hip to ANTM. Tyra and her groupies are mentally unstable. They like to wear lame costumes and make up new words in their own secret language. And when they are actually speaking in english it is usually done with a made up accent like Frenchanese. This nonsense is what makes up about 99.9% of the show. And what is Tyra's favorite made up word?

SMIZE (sm-iz) noun : to smile with one's eyes ... but only your eyes not the rest of your face because that would just be smiling and that is too easy. Everyone can smile but only Top Models can smize.

This week during judging panel, all of Tyra's groupies (aka judges) were giving the contestants their word vomit ... I mean "advice" on how to be a better model.

Tyra: You need to smize in this picture.

Nigel: You're not modeling *H to T* in this shot.

Mr. Jay: Your need more neck!

Ms. Jay: You need to ... [wait for it] ... Smeck.

Tyra: (shits her pants)

Tyra: OMG! Smeck! Yes! Yes! You need to SMECK ladies!! More SMECKING!

Okay maybe it wasn't exactly like that but it was close. Somehow Ms. Jay managed to merge two of Tyra's favorite words into a new super word and Tyra proceeded to have an excitement-seizure.


((meanwhile I secretly loved it))

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A Boy Named Lynn

This week's episode of Top Chef was the BEST EVER! My favorite chef-testant (yes, I said it) was once again the winner. Kevin has the best beard ever seen on this show so he was destined to be my favorite - plus he cooks okay too.

The challenge was to prepare food for the Pork & Pinot festival. The winning dish was Pork Leg Terrine with Pickled Cherries. I have no idea what the hell terrine is and it looks kinda like spam but if you're into that kind of thing or if you're into hot Italian accents check out this video of season 7's Fabio preparing the dish.

But the best part of the episode was the guest judge ... who knew that Mr. Belvedere went on to become a James Beard Award winning chef!?!?!?! Seriously that blew my mind right there. I knew this guy was a top-notch thespian but a great chef too? Talk about a modern day renaissance man!

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Top 10

Andrea over at Not Rocket Science has bestowed upon The Bee a Blog Award.
Thanks Andrea!

I'm supposed to write 10 things about me that my readers may not know. Since I'm pretty sure that its mostly just my mom that reads the blog this is gonna be tough. I think I'll modify the theme a bit and offer up 10 of my Guilty Pleasures which will mostly include trash TV shows that I can't get away from. Let's take this alphabetically shall we?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1) America's Next Top Model - for some reason I cannot tear myself away from this crap. I think it's basically Ms. Jay that keeps me tuning in. How can you not love him? (or her or whatever)

2) American Idol - Yes I know people love to hate this show and I know that although it may not be "rigged" exactly there is definitely producer pushes for specific contestant and even Simon admitted this season that they don't put the best singers through to the finals. I guess I'm a sucker. side note: Alexis Grace was robbed.

3) Anime - NERD ALERT !!!

4) Big Brother - the new season is starting this month and I can't wait! Unlike some other reality shows this one actually takes some intelligence to win. I know people are cringing as they read that but I swear it's true. Luck will only take you so far on this one. Someone back me up on this.

5) Blackbelt TV - This is a recent addition to my cable line-up and I've fallen in love. My husband is really the one that turned me onto kung-fu movies so I have to give him all the credit. Nothing would make him happier than to die and be reincarnated as Jackie Chan (specifically "Drunken Master" Jackie Chan.)

6) Fox Reality Channel - Have you noticed a pattern here?

7) G4TV - It was shows like Ninja Warrior and Unbeatable Banzuke and their incredible popularity (however underground it may have been) that lead to the less than stellar copycat shows on ABC: Wipeout and I Survived a Japanese Game Show. Don't get me wrong, I'll watch both of these shows if I catch them on, (in fact I'm quite a fan of the I Survived... which even has the same host as Bonzuke) but they are nothing compared to the originals.

8) Jon & Kate Plus 8 - I know there has been an awful lot of hoopla surrounding this family recently but I was a fan way before the "separation heard round the world." I've been less interested lately; I watched for the kids not for the parents. How can you deny a face like that? side note: I harbor a secret desire to have Asian children. They're just so damn cute!

9) Kid Nation - I tuned in to this one out of pure curiosity and quickly got hooked. I'm not expecting a new season anytime soon. Too bad though - these kids were pure gold; Jared was born to be a star.

10) Obsessed - Not sure if this one is really a "guilty pleasure" something about it being on A&E makes me think its high class. Then again, Gene Simmons: Family Jewels is on the same channel so there goes that theory.

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The Real World vs. The Real Weather Channel Challenge: Zimbabwe

The Bee is proud to welcome it's first Guest Blogger. The incomparable Will [with comments by Jen] brings us his feelings on the current state of television programing ....

Maybe I’m late on this train, but T.V. is ridiculous. I know that’s a vague statement so allow me to set up my current issue with today’s T.V.

I can’t help but notice all the offspring that have spawned from original T.V. stations i.e. MTV, MTV2, MTVU, MTV Hits, MTV Soul and of course MTVTr3s (Espanol, Amigo), VH1 & VH1 Classics, all the movie channels; HBO, Showtime, Encore, Starz and Cinemax have at least 5 children of their own. There’s Nickelodeon, Nick Jr., Nick at Night and Noggin [don't forget Nick GAS - that's Game And Sports for those of you not "in the know"] and I think Fox has a separate news channel and a reality station. [Hells yeah they do - Fox Reality Channel is one of my favorites!]

Now don’t get me wrong, I like TV, even bad T.V., [for real he's not lying here people - his idea of a fun evening is a grilled cheese sandwich and an Antiques Roadshow Marathon] but it kind of bugs me that there are so many different channels. It’s unnecessary and I think people are just watching too much T.V.

I really blame MTV because I think they started breeding first. I think it began with "The Real World." Ever since that show aired on MTV and became such a "hit", MTV stopped playing music videos and just started airing more reality shows [and lame documentaries I mean seriously - who does Kurt Loder think he is anyway?]. Those shows became more popular then just watching music videos so they had to branch out and make MTV2 and it became a domino effect.

Recently, Jen and I were watching T.V., looking for the weather channel, when we came across "Weatherscan." We were hoping to check it out the weather for the week but to our surprise, we discovered that "Weatherscan" wasn’t actually "The Weather Channel" at all, it was a new channel. For those of you that are unfamiliar with it, "Weatherscan" is basically a non stop local forecast for your area with occasional views of the country’s current conditions. Sounds like "The Weather Channel," right? Well, it’s not, it’s "Weather Channel 2". After Jen and I realized it wasn’t "The Weather Channel" we started to wonder what was actually on "The Weather Channel". Thoughts of reality shows , gameshows and documentaries automatically entered our heads. We’d both seen advertisements for a shows called "Storm Chasers"and "When Weather Changed History." Hence my anger towards MTV, wrapping up this crazy rant.

Anyway, Jen and I both discussed this at length and we came to the conclusion that sometime in the near future there will be a "Weather Channel 3" and hopefully a "Weather Channel Espanol".[Which we have been referring to as "WTC 8" or "The Ocho"] For our own amusement, and yours, we’ve brainstormed a few shows that may one day (we hope) be aired on one of these future Weather Channels.

1) "Who wants to Marry a Meteorologist?"
Reality / Gameshow, (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations)
Desperate women compete for a washed-out meteorologist. Hosted by Al Roker.

2) "America’s Next Top Meteorologist"
Reality / Gameshow, (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations)
Contestants compete to become the star of show #1. Hosted by Willard Scott and sponsored by Smuckers.

3) "Dancing with the Doppler Radar"
Reality / Gameshow, (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations)
Contestants perform various dances relating to Doppler Radar images from different parts of the world.

4) "Intervention"
Reality (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations, weather channel abuse)
People who are addicted to the weather channel.
[um...Will, no offense, but they might need to cast you on this one buddy]

5) "Who Lost A Shoe"
Reality / Gameshow (Rated TV-PG13 for sexual situations)
Contestants are given a shoe and have to figure out who lost it.
[Is this going to be like The Mole b/c I seriously miss that show - I might tune in]

6) "What Not to Wear, Outside"
Reality / Makeover (Rated TV-PG13 - sexual situations)
People are ridiculed for wearing clothing not intended for certain weather conditions.

7) "Lost"
Sci-Fi Drama (Rated TV-PG13 for Kate sleeping with everyone)
Reruns of this lame show
[Watch it there son! I LOVE me some Desmond :) But hopefully they kill Kate off in the Finale tonight - who's with me?]

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Subliminal Advertising?

Is it just me or has Twilight completely taken over the world? And I am convinced that the FOX Broadcast Company is now in cahoots. They have subtley placed their very own teen-idol vampire into my beloved American Idol and they have brainwashed all of the voting public to give him a free ride to the finale. Confused?

EXHIBIT A: Danny Gokey

EXHIBIT B: Danny Gokey

EXHIBIT C: D A N N Y G O K E Y !!!!

From the look on the face of the girl behind him.... I'm not the first to notice.

Plus, look what they've done to Glambert...

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Goodbye Scott!

Well America - we got it right this week. Infact, for once I was totally satisfied with all of the bottom three. But why did the judges act like they were going to save Scott? I mean there is a fine line between being polite and being patronizing - I think they came off pretty insulting.


Next week's theme: Songs from the Cinema with guest mentor .... Quentin Tarantino.




That should be a trainwreck - can't wait!

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Attack of the Glambert!

Final 8

Let's just take them in order of relevance shall we?

8. Scott MacIntyre - Well he took Paula's advice and got out from behind the piano this week - but sadly he replaced it with his "axe" Not good. He's grasping for straws now and I think America knows it. The only way he could make it to the end is if they give us back-to-back-to-back Musak weeks with Andy Williams as the permanent mentor. And, I know this is wrong, but can someone get the boy some sunglasses because the wandering eyes are making me uncomfortable!

7. Lil Rounds - For the last few weeks I have actually been forgetting all about Lil rounds until I see her up there behind the mic. And when she is there, its more interesting to see which wig she will be wearing then what song she is going to sing. Believe me, I wanted her to do well and I think she had a great chance (certainly the judges have been easy on her - constantly reminding America that she has a "great" voice) but I haven't been impressed with a single song she has done since her entrance into the top thirteen.

6. Anoop Desai - I had high hopes for Anoop as well - but he is becoming forgettable and boring. He puts more thought into his tie selection than his song selection. I liked the playful guy we saw in Hollywood week but he seems to have become bitter. Is it just me?

5. Matt Giuard - Another one that I usually forget about. He's had some good nights and this week was one of them. Stevie Wonder songs have been crushed by enough people for him to earn some respect for handling his so well. He should, for once, be safe this week.

4. Adam Lambert - I actually liked the song but once again - overly dramatic. Amazingly there were no screeches this week though so I wont slam him too much. What would happen though if you were listening to the show on the radio instead of watching it on tv? Adam brings the show - the lights, the wardrobe, the hair (and God knows the make-up) but if you just listened to it would you still find it as entertaining - or just annoying? My boy Michael Slezack blessed him with a new nickname this week which I find incredibly fitting .... Glambert! Brilliant.

3. Danny Gokey - What was up with the destruction of "Stand By Me" ??? Awful - and with that said he and his goofy grin should sail through to next week. I can't wait until the final 5 when we might finally get to see Danny sweat.

2. Kris Allen - I've been loving Kris since we finally got to see him perform in the semi-finals. But this week was .... weak. Maybe it was the awkardness of being in the middle of the "mosh pit" though. It didn't fair well for Matt last week either. Its just so contrived - who thought this was a good idea? A friend criticized last night that he's a combination of John Mayer and Jason Mraz ... as if that's a bad thing! Those are two of my fav's!! He's been the most consistant guy on the show so far this season. I am worried though that he might fall into the bottom three this week.

1. Allison Iraheta - Why aren't the judges swooning over this girl??? I hate that they told her she needs more personality. I think she's been great on personality. Cute, sweet, likeable but not overly confident (Glambert - I'm looking at you on this one); I think they really meant that she needs more controversy because that's what gets talked about at the watercooler (or email blasts) the next morning!

So who's it gonna be? We'll find out in ... oh, about an hour; well really about two hours because we will be forced to sit through a few group lipsyncs first - ugh - thank God for DVR's. Can't wait!

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