Some People Have a Sweet Tooth ...

You may already know that I carpool from Baltimore to D.C. every day with my friend Will.  It saves us gas money and also gives us time to talk some major bull-shit. This morning in the car Will told me a story about a conversation he had with some other friends at happy hour last week.

He was at the bar with his girlfriend, Dawn as well as another couple, Sam and Sarah. 

During casual - happy hour type - conversation, Will brought up some guy that would occasionally come into the bar with home-made beef jerky and offer it up to all the patrons. Someone then jokingly implied that the guy was probably a serial killer and was making jerky out of his victims and then unbeknown to everyone else, they were actually eating people. Muwahahahaha!

Kind of funny - kind of gross but whatever.

Sarah then went on to say that if it WAS human jerky she would try it – just to see how it tasted – you know, just to see if maybe she liked it.

Will was floored (as was I when I heard this). He asked her what she would do if she ended up liking it – would she go around sizing up everyone she saw and think “Mmmm, they look tasty!”

Her response: “I don’t know … maybe.”
Will looked to Sam for some support and also an indication that he knew his wife was bat shit crazy.

Sam’s point of view is that he too would taste human flesh – but only if it was his own.

He said that, for example, if his arm somehow got cut off he would go ahead and take a bite.
(Or some shit like that – perhaps he mentioned cooking it first or waiting until the blood stopped pumping or something – as if it matters. Minor details really.)

As if that makes it better!!! I didn't actually think it could get worse than what Sarah propsed, but in retro-spect I think Sam as actually accomplished it with this statement.

When Will looked at Dawn for her opinion she said there was no way she would have any desire to eat another person. (Thank God)

Will concluded by telling Sam & Sarah ...

“Well, I’m NEVER going hiking with you bitches!”

Nicely put Will.

But maybe I am being naive here. Perhaps there are a larger number of people than expected who would, if given the opportunity, ya know, take a bite. Let's hear it people how many of you are there out there?? Since you might not want to admit it but I am crazy-curious to find out the truth - check out the ANONYMOUS poll in the sidebar. I need to get to the bottom of this.

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Restaurant Week in Charm City!

Restaurant Week and my sister's birthday are both this week. In honor, we will be having dinner at Jack's Bistro.  Unfortunately, when I looked up the special menu for this week I found this picture.  It looks like some kind of George Orwell nightmare. Now I'm just scared.

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Yet Another Reason...

That Kara DioGuardi is a bane of my existence.

You guys already know that I am and a huge fan of crappy television so get ready for some crap-tastic posts because it's that time of year again...American Idol is back!

Last night was the Season 9 opener and I was pretty unimpressed with Boston's offerings. But the most disturbing part of the show was the segment on a young man named Andrew Fenlon. Am I upset because he was rude to Simon? Or because he was "angry" with Kara? Or because he was a weird guy with weird glasses?

No. I am upset because Fox thinks we are all morons. But in reality, the moron is Kara.

This guy was clearly a fake. He was putting on a show - acting like a strange, weird kid with a strange brown shirt, a goofy haircut and weird too big glasses. He acted like some kind of an outcast. ACTED being the important word here. Take a second look people - this guy is totally the captain of the football team, homecoming king and all that jazz. He's a good looking guy under those glasses and I'm not the only one that noticed. Skip to minute 1:18 on the video and you'll see that even Kara and Victoria Beckham thought he was cute from the second they laid eyes on him ... notice Kara's "Hel-lo" when he walks in the room. That's not just any hello ... we know what that hello means Kara. It means you want to cover him in honey and keep him in your basement.

But then he takes his act too far and gives unnecessary and unfunny responses to Simon's questions and it's downhill from there. Even after giving a great performance ... yes, I said it ... a GREAT performance. Re-watch it people (he starts singing at 2:18.) Yeah his voice cracks once or twice in the beginning but no one is perfect and he was nervous or maybe it wasn't the best song choice or whatever but that was a pretty brilliant vocal (for me, for you, for me.) And I think the judges realized it too. But unfortunately for Mr. Fenlon the resident brain surgeon, Kara DioGuardi, was the first judge to put her two sense in. She freaks out about his "fake" attitude and it was all she wrote.

Now, I'm not sure if Fox put this kid up to it or if he thought of this shenanigans on his own but either way it was stupid. He or they or whoever are idiots for thinking the audience wouldn't see through it. Kara is apparently the only one stupid enough to fall for it.

Can I get an Amen? Please tell me someone else was on to this guy!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_rCDjDi8wA

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Life Goes On Bra

Those of you that read my mother's blog should already be aware of how I spent my New Year's Eve. That's right we had a Battle Royale ... Rock Band style. We practiced for days to get ready to kick some Beatles Rock Band ass against the lesser gender.  We spent days making costumes - to be not only fiercely intimating, but cute at the same time!

However, we got our asses handed to us because my 15 year old cousin is a video game savant. I'm not sure we'll ever live it down.  Next time I need Ukulele Boy on my team!

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Reindeer Games

After Christmas dinner, several of the members of my family decided it was time to play a game. We had too many people for cards (which is what we usually do - spades or canasta etc.) so we pulled out Catch Phrase. Unfortunately we had an odd number of players and needed one more person to even out the teams.  I was yelling for my cousin Jessica to come in from the other room and play with us but she was not having it. She wanted no part in the game (I still don't know why though.) After about 10 minutes of waiting for her to just give in and come play with us my Aunt Stacy hatched a plan. It was short and sweet and to the point. A "no frills" kind of plan which is just the kind I like.

"Let's duct tape her to a chair."

After her suggestion, which was kind of said in a joking manner, my sister and I looked at each other ... then looked at Stacy. No words were exchanged but we knew we were in.

One person got a suitable chair, one person found the duct tape and one person went to tell Jessica that we needed her for something.  Moments later hilarity ensued. It took several of us to keep her down long enough to get a good "Wrap" but, as you can see, we succeeded.

Once she stopped struggling and accepted her fate she asked,

"What is this for?!?!"
"We wanted you to play Catch Phrase!"
"... Well I'm still not playing."

Ugh. We ended up getting someone else to fill in the extra player but it just wasn't the same.

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