Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Some People Have a Sweet Tooth ...

You may already know that I carpool from Baltimore to D.C. every day with my friend Will.  It saves us gas money and also gives us time to talk some major bull-shit. This morning in the car Will told me a story about a conversation he had with some other friends at happy hour last week.

He was at the bar with his girlfriend, Dawn as well as another couple, Sam and Sarah. 

During casual - happy hour type - conversation, Will brought up some guy that would occasionally come into the bar with home-made beef jerky and offer it up to all the patrons. Someone then jokingly implied that the guy was probably a serial killer and was making jerky out of his victims and then unbeknown to everyone else, they were actually eating people. Muwahahahaha!

Kind of funny - kind of gross but whatever.

Sarah then went on to say that if it WAS human jerky she would try it – just to see how it tasted – you know, just to see if maybe she liked it.

Will was floored (as was I when I heard this). He asked her what she would do if she ended up liking it – would she go around sizing up everyone she saw and think “Mmmm, they look tasty!”

Her response: “I don’t know … maybe.”
Will looked to Sam for some support and also an indication that he knew his wife was bat shit crazy.

Sam’s point of view is that he too would taste human flesh – but only if it was his own.

He said that, for example, if his arm somehow got cut off he would go ahead and take a bite.
(Or some shit like that – perhaps he mentioned cooking it first or waiting until the blood stopped pumping or something – as if it matters. Minor details really.)

As if that makes it better!!! I didn't actually think it could get worse than what Sarah propsed, but in retro-spect I think Sam as actually accomplished it with this statement.

When Will looked at Dawn for her opinion she said there was no way she would have any desire to eat another person. (Thank God)

Will concluded by telling Sam & Sarah ...

“Well, I’m NEVER going hiking with you bitches!”

Nicely put Will.

But maybe I am being naive here. Perhaps there are a larger number of people than expected who would, if given the opportunity, ya know, take a bite. Let's hear it people how many of you are there out there?? Since you might not want to admit it but I am crazy-curious to find out the truth - check out the ANONYMOUS poll in the sidebar. I need to get to the bottom of this.


MonsteRawr January 26, 2010 at 3:36 PM  

If it were produced in an ethical manner (ie, no one was killed in order for it to be made and the deceased willingly donated their body for consumption by others,) and followed hypothetical national food production standards (ie, safe to eat,) I might consider taking a nibble.

I heard once somewhere (which means it may or may not be true) that anthropologists were working to develop a tofu that tastes like human flesh as part of their study of indigenous cultures that take part in cannibalistic ritual. Maybe if you knew for certain that it wasn't real, it'd be easier to "swallow."

Anonymous,  January 26, 2010 at 3:54 PM  

The ONLY way I would eat any human jerky or anything of the sort is IF I was stuck out in the middle of no where and the only thing I could eat was that!


Buggys January 26, 2010 at 7:34 PM  

I don't want to have friends who would enjoy gnawing on my arm. That's a little too creepy.

Anonymous,  January 26, 2010 at 8:31 PM  

What??!! I think I would run away from those people. Fast and Far.

Grace January 26, 2010 at 11:15 PM  

Ummm - No..! I have enough problems convincing myself to eat pigs and sheep - (and when put that way, I think maybe I'll stop eating them too) Ewww!

Spicybugz January 26, 2010 at 11:46 PM  

Nah, not even if I was starving to death. Maybe they were just pulling everyone's leg?

Carrie Wells January 27, 2010 at 1:40 PM  

Remind me never to hang out with Sam or Sarah...EVER!

Staci January 27, 2010 at 9:30 PM  

Yuck. I get grossed out enough if I start thinking about where the meat I'm cooking is coming from. Taking just a bite of a person to see if he or she or even me tastes like chicken? Thanks, but I'd rather starve to death. Maybe it's because I'm still scarred from that horror movie Parents that I watched in middle school where this kid hides in the closet one day and finds out his parents have been feeding him his neighbors. It's a wonder I didn't become a vegetarian after that movie.

BTW, I may never look at beef jerky the same way again.

JD at I Do Things January 31, 2010 at 10:55 AM  

I think I'd have to be pretty damn hungry, as in, plane-crash-in-the-Andes-hungry, to ever consider chomping on a human delicacy. I don't think I'd ever be able to do it just outta curiosity.

vange February 9, 2010 at 8:37 AM  

I was veg for years and still eat flesh sparingly. I don't think people sound better than cows.

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