Worldless Wednesday

This is just a teaser - I'll give the full explaination in my next post. You won't want to miss it.

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White Christmas!

Last night my office at our Christmas Party.  The infamous Will took the opportunity to sport is most festive attire.  And as expected, the red sweater / green tie combo was quite a crowd pleaser. There was good food and nice company; a good time was had by all (the open bar didn't hurt either.)

Then this morning I woke up to several inches of snow on the ground! This is the second snow fall of the season for us in the Mid-Atlantic but this one is far more significant than the first and has been officially categorized as a blizzard. Looks like it will be a White Christmas this year. Too bad I won't be here to enjoy it. I just checked the 10 day forecast for Amsterdam - looks like lots of cold and rain - yippie.

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Sibling Bribery

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Semi Wordless Wednesday

You know you guys can always count on me to watch the cheesiest t.v. shows out there. This week has been no exception. I'm officially a fan of the new show The Sing Off and I'm sorry it's only going to be on for one week. If you're a fan of music or singing, really bad broadway style dance or cutesy matching sweaters then set your DVRs people.

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Poor Telly Monster

I can't believe that Christmas is next week. More than that, I can't believe my trip is next week and I am so not ready.  I don't even know if I have my suitcase. I did my final shopping this weekend for some little gifts for neices and nephews (of course when I got home my husband reminded me that I forgot about one so I need to go out again. ugh.) I think I'm going to need an extra suitcase just for the presents. Is that crazy?

I also bought a new scarf and gloves for myself.  Amsterdam easily beats Seattle for the wettest weather ever and this time of year it's freaking freezing. On top of that - we do a ton of walking while we're there, so I need to be prepared.  My winter coat is navy blue and the scarf I found included several shades of blue as well as green and purple. Then I found a pair of purple chenile gloves to match - super cute!

I couldnt wait to wear my new acceseries to work Monday morning - but things quickly took a turn for the worse. By the time I got to the office, my super cute purple chenile gloves has shed purple fuzz all over my navy coat.

It looked like I murdered a muppet.

I'm hoping this is only because they are new. Do you think if I run them through the wash it will help?

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Wordless Wednesday

Skating on the frozen canals of Amsterdam.

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The Final Countdown ...

For the last two days on my way to work I have been witnessing the most bizarre sequence of road signs displayed. I will now share with you the progression as I have seen it and I challenge you to explain it.

(fyi -these are not photos of the actual signs I saw - I'm not that good)

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These signs are being displayed on US Route 100 in Maryland. US Route 1 is a few exits down from the stretch I usually drive but it is NOT a major highway. It has traffic lights - it's nothing special. On top of that, 2 exits before it is the Baltimore-Washington Pkwy, THAT is a major highway; and 2 exits further down is freaking Interstate 95! Why did the road workers feel the need to remind everyone how far they were from Route 1?

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If that wasn't strange enough - less than a mile down the road we get this sign.

WTF Thanks for the countdown?

Is this some new program I'm not aware of?

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Seriously - is there something you should be telling us here? I mean, since when is 6am on a Thursday the prime time for drunk drivers? I think most people are fairly conscious of looking out for dangerous drivers on the road but is this really the time and place for the sign?

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O-K ... Maybe I should move.

Is this what my tax dollars are paying for?

Was there just an over abundance of prisoners on work release this month - just trying to keep them busy? Or are the 911 operators bored and looking for someone to chat with?

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Not So Wordless Wednesday

I totally won concert tickets on the radio today! I've never won ANYTHING before. It's so exciting. The concert isn't until March and it's on a Tuesday night which blows but maybe I will just use it as an excuse to take a day off of work. Okay I'm excited again. Now I just have to figure out who to give my extra ticket to ... hmm.

By the way - the tickets are for Norah Jones; love her!

I hope the seats are good. Ugh, the claustrophobic, agoraphobic, panic stricken nut inside me is already getting anxious that I might not have an isle seat.

Have any of you ever won anything on the radio before?

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Mike Doughty

Thanksgiving Eve I went to see Mike Doughty play at the Recher Theater in Towson with my husband and 4 friends. Traffic was a little hairy but other than that it was a pretty great night. I know most people are wondering "Who the hell is Mike Doughty?" Most of the people I know asked me the same question. In fact, we had two extra tickets and ended up eating one and giving the other away to someone we met at the door. Not exactly a ringing endorsement for the guy but I swear he's good! He was the singer for a band called Soul Coughing in the 90's that is a little more recognizable.


The music was good and all, but people watching was the highlight. There were mountain man beards a plenty; which, as I've mentioned before, are a favorite of mine. Lots of really bad white-hippy-dancing (REALLY bad) and totally uncalled for white-hippy-dreadlocks. The most entertaining though was the tragic group of "friends" sitting in front of us. At first it was two 20-something girlfriends who showed up together and saved a seat for a third friend who would obviously joining them soon. That third friend ended up being a guy - and the awkwardness ensued. Mystery Man showed up for what he was clearly expecting to be a "date" with Girl #1 and looked just a bit disappointed to see Girl #2 there. But Girl #1 was clearly not into Mystery Man and in fact spent most of the evening pretending he wasn't there. This of course lead to much awkward small talk between Mystery Man and Girl #2 and an excess amount of obviously urgent business on his iphone. Once the music started they all at least had something to distract themselves. But a few songs in, he went for the hand-hold and Girl #1 wasn't having any of it. So sad. Poor Mystery Man. He clearly wasn't even a fan of Mike Doughty; the whole night he was preoccupied with this iphone and her hand until the encore when Doughty played one of his hits from Soul Coughing and suddenly Mystery Man was a singing - head-bobbing maniac. So tragic.

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Wordless Wednesday

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Team Taylor

I was torn when I went to see New Moon this weekend. There were some really great improvements in this movie as compared to Twilight but I can't help but come away with an overall disappointed feeling. To make it worse ... I wasn't even expecting it to be all that great. The first movie wasn't great and we all know the movie is never as good as the book but that shouldn't stop the producers from at least trying right?

I could go on and on about this and bore everyone to tears but instead I'm just going to list out what I saw as (to use one of my husband's favorite movies) The Good, The Bad and The Ugly parts of The Twilight Saga: New Moon. (And because he was such a trooper going to the movie with me and suffering through all the girlie squealing from the audience - I'm giving my husband's opinions as well)

The Good:

• Taylor Lautner: Not only is he super cute but also one of the better actors in the central cast.
• They FINALLY got The Meadow right! Making Bella and Edward's meadow dead and brown when Bella goes in search of a way to connect to Edward after he leaves was nicely done - a point that would have been even more appreciated by movie goers if they hadn't completely botched the meadow scene in the first movie.
• The Volturi: Michael Sheen and Dakota Fanning were great and I can't wait to see more of them in the next two movies.
• Bella's school friends: Once again these kids were some scene-stealing bitches and I love them for it. They add a much needed sense of light and humor to the movies.
• The 360 shot of Bella: Something that I think Stephenie Meyer did great in this book was the blank pages she added in the middle of the book to portray the emptiness and depression that Bella goes through after Edward left her. I didn't expect this to be included in the movie but when I saw it - at the risk of sounding cheesy - it took my breath away.
• The Soundtrack!
• Jasper attacking Bella at the birthday party (my husband's opinion)
  

The Bad:

• Pretty much every scene with Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson together: It's my humble opinion that Kristen Stewart could not act her way out of a paper bag and to make things worse she has dragged Robert Pattinson down with her. The two of them need to get over themselves. Every time either of them was on screen it was just awkward and painful to watch. Ms. Stewart seems to think that the key to good dramatic acting is biting her lip and shaking her head. What I wouldn't give to be able to get in a time machine and stab Catherine Hardwick in the neck before she made that casting decision.
• Not enough wolf-pack! These guys were great and - like the school friends - added some much needed fun. Can't wait to see more of them in the next movies.
• The death scene for Laurent (my husband's opinion)

The Ugly (and I do mean UGLY):

• Did I mention that Kristen's acting is ridiculous? because it is
• Pizza Toss / Wrench grab: During a montage of Bella and Jacob's budding relationship there is a moment where she throws a slice of pizza over her shoulder, seemingly to Jacob, then the camera switches to him and he throws his hand up, seemingly to catch the pizza, but instead he catches a wrench. I don't know how to properly describe this disaster but trust me it was L-A-M-E.
• Jacob taking off his shirt (my husband's opinion - major eye rolling included)

So what do you guys think? Did I miss anything? Do you agree that Kristen Stewart should be working in a Hot Topic somewhere instead of acting or am I being too harsh? Do you love Taylor Lautner as much as me or are you still hanging on to Team Rob. (btw - as far as the book is concerned I'm totally Team Edward - but as far as the actors go I am now fully on board with Team Taylor)

Also - since it truly was my favorite scene in the movie I have included a video here. It is just a fan-made video for the song used in the scene, Possibility by Lykke Li but if you jump to minute 1:43 you'll see a small piece of the 360 scene. Also, totally worth noting, the song choice was unbelievable. Check out the lyrics here too.

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Strawberried Peanut Butter

I wanted to offer you my thoughts on New Moon today but I need to get it straight in my head first. So I thought instead I would offer you my thoughts on the candy I ate while watching New Moon. We all know that concession stand prices are out of control; we all bitch about health care price gouging but this is were those of us on "Main Street" are really getting screwed. Seriously. The cost of popcorn alone at the movies is more than my last co-pay.



Since my husband and I are brilliant, and since we had to stop at the store anyway, we picked up some candy while we were there. I was scoping out the rack for some Reese's Sticks (because they are like little packages of gold) but couldn't find any so I decided to just settle for anything with peanut butter. I saw some peanut butter m&m's and grab them. It wasn't until we left the store that my husband made a disgusted face and asked how I could eat "those." I was taken a back at first but just thought it was because he is a weird foreigner.



NEWSFLASH: Dutch people (and possibly all europeans) think we are freaks for thinking that peanut butter is candy. Peanut butter and chocolate together is just totally strange to them. I made his mother try a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup last year when she was visiting us and she totally didn't understand it. Their candy of choice ... wait for it ... black licorice. I truly feel sorry for them.



He eventually pointed out to me that these were not peanut butter m&m's but rather "Strawberried Peanut Butter." I had never heard of such a thing! But decided it would probably taste like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a chocolatey morsel of candy coated goodness and I was all for it.



Let it be known that they were fabulous and I would not only buy them again if given the chance but highly recommend them to all I know.

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Letting My Geek Flag Fly

Today is the day people! New Moon hit theaters at midnight last night. Although I wasn't one of the people camping out in line to see the first showing I am one of the people that pre-ordered my tickets. I'm going to the first show Saturday morning to try and avoid some of the crazed crowds - wish me luck.



It must be said that this was my least favorite book of the series for obvious reasons. Lack of Edward! At one point while reading it I actually found myself flipping to the back of the book to see if and when the Cullens would be coming back into the story. This might not seem like a big deal to some people but I have never done that kind of thing in my life. I've never been one of those people that reads the last page first or skips to the end when the suspense gets to be too much. NEVER. But Stephenie Meyer got me. I had no control over it; I needed Edward back. And the book did not disappoint.


So yes, I am dragging my husband with me tomorrow to see it and I cannot wait. I'm totally jealous that there are thousands of people watching it today while I'm at work.


I know there are equally as many people that are tired of hearing about it but to them I say - BITE ME. So who else is excited?

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Wordless Wednesday

For your viewing AMAZEMENT, "Boy" by Ron Muek.

... and close up detail of the foot ...

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Smile .... with your NECK?

I realize that I am the only loser in the universe that watches America's Next Top Model but this season has been such a hot mess I had to share. This week during judging panel Tyra Banks got so freaking excited she LAID AN EGG.

Ok a little background for those of you that aren't hip to ANTM. Tyra and her groupies are mentally unstable. They like to wear lame costumes and make up new words in their own secret language. And when they are actually speaking in english it is usually done with a made up accent like Frenchanese. This nonsense is what makes up about 99.9% of the show. And what is Tyra's favorite made up word?

SMIZE (sm-iz) noun : to smile with one's eyes ... but only your eyes not the rest of your face because that would just be smiling and that is too easy. Everyone can smile but only Top Models can smize.

This week during judging panel, all of Tyra's groupies (aka judges) were giving the contestants their word vomit ... I mean "advice" on how to be a better model.

Tyra: You need to smize in this picture.

Nigel: You're not modeling *H to T* in this shot.

Mr. Jay: Your need more neck!

Ms. Jay: You need to ... [wait for it] ... Smeck.

Tyra: (shits her pants)

Tyra: OMG! Smeck! Yes! Yes! You need to SMECK ladies!! More SMECKING!

Okay maybe it wasn't exactly like that but it was close. Somehow Ms. Jay managed to merge two of Tyra's favorite words into a new super word and Tyra proceeded to have an excitement-seizure.


((meanwhile I secretly loved it))

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Wordless Wednesday

I know there are a bunch of these "spontaneous" mob dances are all the rage recently and by now most of you have at least seen the one from Oprah but this one is by far my favorite. Maybe it's because I watched The Sound of Music on a heavy rotation as a child (I literally know every word to the entire 3 hour epic) but this video totally gives me chills!

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"Thank You!"

In the car this week I noticed something strange, an odd behavior that I had no rational explaination for. It got me to wondering if I am the only person that has had this experience.

When changing lanes or merging onto the highway I found myself lifting my right hand in a wave. A bit of a "thank you" to the kind driver behind me for allowing a smooth transition.

The strange part ... I found myself not only waving but also saying the words "Thank you!" outloud. And not just saying them but saying them in a sweet sing-songy voice. WTF? That driver can't hear me. Why do I always do that? Am I alone here?

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Morale of The Story Is ...

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper:

'Please wake me at 5:00 AM '

He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wokened him, when he noticed a piece of paper bythe bed. The paper said:

'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

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Words of Wisdom

* Always wear stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

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Yeah, He Stabbed Himself ... What? Like you Wouldn't?

Three skinheads or Hispanic males dressed in black tried to rob an innocent 29 year old male on his way to work at Blockbuster Video in the Denver area Monday night. According to the Denver Post the man had deep stab wounds to the lower leg requiring several stitches. Multiple police departments set up a perimeter to find the assailants. They even brought in a K-9 unit. But, no luck. After some suspicious camera footage from the local Target popped up, the young man eventually confessed.

Yes folks, he had stabbed himself in the leg because he didn't want to go to work.

Now clearly this was a terrible waste of the Police Department's time and tax payers money. But admit it - you've thought of doing the very same thing ... probably more than once. I know I have. In fact, if I was sure I would get away with it, I would do much, much, much, much uglier things to get out of work.

What makes it even more understandable - the guy worked at BLOCKBUSTER. Speaking from personal experience here, I'd take a day in the ER in a hot second over a day listening to people bitch about late fees. I haven't worked there for several years now, but I still have nightmares about the night Titanic was released and we stayed open until 2am for all the nut jobs that pre-ordered it. Seriously. And don't get me started on Y Tu Mama Tambien (I know half those assholes only rented it so I had to struggle through pronouncing the title when I told them the return date.) What makes me really sick at myself is the fact that in this picture of Adam Brody, I could tell instantly that he was in the Action section of the store b/c of the Clear and Present Danger cover box on the floor.

FML

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The Elusive Cat Shark

QUICK! Someone call National Georgraphic! I have finally procured a photo of the elusive Cat-Shark in it's natural habit. This shot will be worth millions!

Seriously though, my friend has the fatest and most patient cat ever born. Her name is Suki and this year she dressed up as a shark ... last year she was a chicken. I WISH I had a picture of that for you too.

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Create Your Own!

FEDELESOIU : the point of doubtful sanity

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This was the result of an exercise I found on the internet today. It was directions on how to generate an album cover for your very own fictional band. I had great fun doing it ... so much that I did it twice actually (I put my second one at the end of this post.) Want to make your own? It's easy.

1. Go to wikipedia and click on "Random Article" The first article you get is the name of your band.


2. Go to The Quotations Page and click on "Random Quotes" The last few words of the first quote you get is the name of the album.


3. Go to Flikr and choose interesting photos from the last 7 days (or click here) The third random photo is your album cover.


4. Use photoshop or picnik to create mesh these 3 things together and voila!

I challenge you to create your own and post it on your site. This should prove to be entertaining. Leave me a comment if you make one and I'll keep a running list of links here so we can all check each other's out.

• cuteasabuggy
• snap edit & scrap

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Alice

Come on - who's excited?

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Clemyjontri

So, I don't have kids but if I did I might need to move to McLean, VA just to be near this park. Clemyjontri Park not only encourages outdoor activity for kids but learning as well. It has four "rooms" surrounding a central carousel. Each room focuses on teaching children things such as colors, maps, clocks and reading. It is also fully integrated to not only accommodate, but to encourage children with disabilities to play along side the rest of the kids. All this and it's totally free; a portion of the Fairfax County Parks system. The funds and land were donated by the Lebowitz family who were also major civil rights activists in the 50's. I encourage anyone who lives in the area and has kids or grand kids to take them there (and let me know how much fun it is.)

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Tibetan Totes

Isn't the Internet amazing? I just got finished chatting with my fabulous friend Bre, who is currently living in Belgium, and it didn't cost me a dime. Well, i mean I pay an arm & a leg for Internet service but you know ... Not only were we able to talk but we could also play games together and even SHOP together. Who could ask for more? One thing I've always been bad at is buying purses. I tend to buy ones that are big enough to carry my entire life around (including snacks and beverages to the movies if necessary) and then rock the same one for years and years - until it falls apart (or until my mother yells at me enough times to get a new one.)

I'll be visiting Bre in her new home while my husband and I are visiting his family in Holland for the Holidays this year. So she suggested that I buy a Robin Ruth while I'm there. I had never heard of them before. Apparently they are all the rage in souvenirs these days. She even has one from London that she can hook her ipod up to - don;t ask me why you would ever need that but its still awesome. I checked out the site while she and I were chatting and they are pretty cute.

So world, don't be surprised to see me sporting a new Amsterdam shoulder bag come 2010. Because if it's good enough for the Dalai Lama then it's good enough for me!

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Simpson's Pumpkins

Speaking of pumpkins ... check out the brilliant pumkpins my friends made last week. They aren't really very "Spooky" and they aren't really "Carved" and they aren't really even "Pumpkins" but still.





I don't know where they found the idea but they were executed perfectly. Marge's hair is cotton balls spray painted blue. Love it.

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Sorry, We Got Old

Yesterday I had planned to carve pumpkins for Halloween with my husband and our friend Will (yes, this is the Will of "SMORES" fame.) My husband had never carved a jack-o-lantern in his life ... can you believe that tragic shit? In his defense they do not celebrate Halloween in his mother-land but still. Luckily we had just watched the Food Network Challenge - Pumpkin Carving so he was all set. Our first order of business was where to buy the pumpkins. Will wanted to punk out and buy them from the grocery store but I wasn't going to stand for that. Even though it was a bit drizzly and gray outside I got the boys to go to the family farm down the street. Unfortunately, when we pulled into the drive-way and made our way down the long gravely road we ended up in front of a sad little sign made with an old piece of cardboard and a sharpie that read:

"Sorry, We Got Old. We're Out of Business"

Gotta love the honesty. So we pulled a u-turn and decided to go to another family-run farm a little further away. Once we got there the boys got pretty into it; we took about 20 or 30 minutes picking out our pumpkins and then hauling them back to the car. At this point my husband decided we needed a meal break (even though we were only 10 minutes from our house and had only been out for less than an hour.) So we took a detour and hit the IHOP before going home. I must admit it was a good idea though, the pumpkin pancakes were delish. Once back to the house it was several hours of slimey-bliss. Both boys ended up with cuts that probably should have ended them up in the ER for a few stitches but we were way to focused on the pumpkins so they decided to just walk-it-off. Will spent about 4 minutes actually "carving" his pumpkin and the next three hours staring at it. Edo and I had slightly more intricate designs that took quite a bit longer, especially considering we didn't have any of the proper utensils. Will didn't even have a vegetable peeler! Who lives without a vegetable peeler?? So Edo spent an hour scrapping the top half of his pumpkin with a big old cheese grater and I spent the majority of my time scrapping mine with a dinner spoon! Let me tell you, I was working up a serious sweat too; you can't even imagine how much elbow grease it takes to scrape the skin off a pumpkin with a freaking table spoon. In the end I think they all turned out great. I'll get more pictures on Halloween with them actually lit but for now here they are in all their glory.

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A Boy Named Lynn

This week's episode of Top Chef was the BEST EVER! My favorite chef-testant (yes, I said it) was once again the winner. Kevin has the best beard ever seen on this show so he was destined to be my favorite - plus he cooks okay too.

The challenge was to prepare food for the Pork & Pinot festival. The winning dish was Pork Leg Terrine with Pickled Cherries. I have no idea what the hell terrine is and it looks kinda like spam but if you're into that kind of thing or if you're into hot Italian accents check out this video of season 7's Fabio preparing the dish.

But the best part of the episode was the guest judge ... who knew that Mr. Belvedere went on to become a James Beard Award winning chef!?!?!?! Seriously that blew my mind right there. I knew this guy was a top-notch thespian but a great chef too? Talk about a modern day renaissance man!

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IDK

I don't know about you guys but I am totally sick of looking at that Wizard of Oz thing. I don't really have much to say tonight though so I'll give you something else to look at. How about this old ad for Camel Cigarettes - I'm guessing it from the early 50's ...

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Puting the Scare in Scarecrow

Last week for wordless Wednesday I posted a picture of my husband in one of those cheesy face cut out boards at the county fair. I have upped the anti a bit, but be warned - after watching this you could potentially be scarred for life.

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The Great Salsa-Off 2009

The girls in my office have an addiction to Chipotle. I was never a big fan myself but they have converted me (it wasn't really an option). They also love to bring in food to share so for several weeks now I've been talking about bringing in my homemade salsa. Finally last weekend I bought the ingredients. Of course it was going to have to wait a few days because Monday we were having lunch catered by Physician's office again, then Tuesday we had planned on ordering pizza because a local place has a super cheap Tuesday special. Wednesday I couldn't do it because I was leaving early for a doctor's appointment (that's a whole story on it's own). So finally Thursday I was able to bring it in.


That morning I was riding up in the elevator with the office accountant, she commented on the big lunch I had brought in. I explained that it was salsa and chips for the department and she said "Oh! I brought in salsa that I made too."

Bitch was clearly trying to steal my thunder.

So I decided it was going to need to be a Salsa-Off. Each of our containers were placed on a desk with a bowl of chips and a score card. Another girl in the office proceeded to send an email around letting everyone know there was salsa available in the negligence department for anyone who would like to participate in the judging.

Now, I don't know what your workplace is like but the people I work with are no joke when it comes to free food. It was literally impossible for me to get any work done for the next hour (not that I minded) and keep in mind this was at 8:30 am.

I'm pleased to announce that my salsa won by a landslide MWUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

And the recipe couldn't be easier ...


Equal Parts:
Black Beans
Diced Tomato
Chopped Red Onion
Corn (preferrably white not that nasty yellow business)
Seasoning to taste:
Red Wine Vinegar
Cilantro
Salt & Pepper

While we're on the topic of chips & dip I'd like to share one of my favorite definitions from Urban Dictionary ...
Rescue Chip (noun): A rescue chip is the chip you use to fish the bits of the first one that broke apart in the dip.

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Smell Association # 1

I have a freakish ability to associate seemingly unrelated odors. Example:

This morning the lobby of my office building smelled exactly like an Elementary School Art Room. A mixture of paste, tempera paints and wet newspaper. I quite enjoyed it.

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Under Construction ...

I was in the mood for some changes so keep your pants on while I work this new template out :)

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Wordless Wednesday

I already mentioned in my previous post that my husband is a nerd,

but this really solidifies it.

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I <3 Geeks

OK I promise this one has nothing to do with Twilight. But it does involve another one of my favorite authors, A.J. Jacobs. If you haven't read any of his books - WTF are you waiting for? His books are absolutely hilarious and educational to boot. I've read them all, "The Two Kings: Jesus and Elvis"and "The Know-It-All: One Man's Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World" in which he takes you through his journey of reading the entire Encyclopedia Britannica from A-Z, then "The Year Living Biblically" which not so surprisingly is where he literally spends one year of his life attempting to live by the rules of the bible, to his most recent release "The Guinea Pig Diaries" which is a collection of shorter essays on some of the other experiments he lived through in the interest of writing. i have to admit I had a bit of a literary crush on him based on 3 main qualities:

1. He's insanely funny.
2. He reminds me of me - which, now that I think of it, is kind of a creepy reason to have a crush on someone.
3. He's Jewish (I'm not by the way - someday perhaps I will have to explain my love for all things Jewish but now is not the time.)

MY POINT IS ... I heard through a friend last week that A.J. was going to be speaking a Synagogue in D.C. October 1st (I know that sounds weird but this is a super cool synagogue that not only has worship services but also hosts shows like "The Eels" and comedians like Michael Ian Black and movies like "The Big Lebowski" in it's down-time.) I've been psyched to hear A.J. talk and get my books signed for several days now and then tonight to top it off, I happened to be watching The Colbert Report and who was the guest??? A.J. Jacobs, of course. I couldn't have been more excited. I paused the television and yelled for my husband to stop what he was doing and come watch with me. But as soon as A.J. opened his mouth I was stunned.

What's up with the voice A.J. ???

To be fair, I still love him. But it has forced me to realize something about myself. I am a nerd lover - to the bone. There is no denying it now. To my husband: I apologize, I never thought you were that much of a nerd but apparently there is no escaping it.

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Super Smell!

In case you didn't already know, Stephenie Meyer is amazing. I've mentioned before that I am a complete Twi-hard and I am not ashamed (that's a lie - I'm totally ashamed. But I'm trying to get over it. In my experience the people that criticize the Twilight Saga are those that have not read the books so how can they really have an opinion?) Anyway, back to Stephenie. I *heart* her. Not only did she write a great series of books that I can't stop reading over and over again but her taste in music is ridiculously brilliant as well. If you haven't read the books or even if you have and just haven't noticed, she dedicates at least one page in each book to Thank Yous. She doesn't just thank her publisher and her mom either she really gets into it. And in every single book she takes time to thank the musicians that inspire her. Her favorite is the band Muse, ironic right? But seriously she took the time to thank them in all 4 books and used one of their best songs in a very high profile position in the Twilight movie. Other musical artists that she has thanked in her books and on her website include: Travis, The Cranberries, Weezer, Keane, Elbow, Ok-Go, Jack's Mannequin, Motion City Soundtrack and Gomez. The soundtrack for the 2nd movie, New Moon, goes on sale October 20th - a full month before the movie even comes out - and you best believe I will be buying that bitch. The track list includes all original songs which will be exclusive to the soundtrack. Now, most of you will probably look at the following list and be unimpressed but trust me on this one, if you're into this kind of music at all you know this is going to be a great album.

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE — MEET ME ON THE EQUINOX
BAND OF SKULLS — FRIENDS
THOM YORKE — HEARING DAMAGE
LYKKE LI — POSSIBILITY
THE KILLERS — A WHITE DEMON LOVE SONG
ANYA MARINA — SATELLITE HEART
MUSE — I BELONG TO YOU (NEW MOON REMIX)
BON IVER & ST. VINCENT — ROSYLN
BLACK REBEL MOTORCYCLE CLUB — DONE ALL WRONG
HURRICANE BELLS — MONSTERS
SEA WOLF — THE VIOLET HOUR
OK GO — SHOOTING THE MOON
GRIZZLY BEAR — SLOW LIFE
EDITORS — NO SOUND BUT THE WIND
ALEXANDRE DESPLAT — NEW MOON (THE MEADOW)

Random Thought: One of the ideas in the Twilight Saga is that of Vampires being blessed with special talents/abilities that are really just enhancements of unique talents they had as humans. For example, Edward Cullen as a human was very perceptive and able to "read" people - as a vampire he is able to literally read minds. However Bella is the only person he has ever met who's mind he cannot read. Bella's mind is also immune to the talents of other vampires. SPOILER ALERT: In the 4th book Bella "makes the change" and isn't sure if she has been blessed with a special power at all (not all vampires are) but by the end of the book she discovers her power and realizes that it is the ability to protect her mind. OK - sounds lame but I'm not describing it well or doing it justice at all.

MY POINT IS ... If I were a vampire I think my special talent would be a super sense of smell. I actually never thought much of it until others would comment on my strange ability to compare two completely random smells and yet be dead-on accurate. A few examples: my friend Will's first car in high school was a p.o.s. 1990 Beretta - it was a heep - and it smelled exactly like ranch Frito's, I've also found that the house I lived in during most of high school smelled exactly like lunch-meat, the office I currently work in smelled exactly like ant-killer last week (despite the fact that there had been no visit from an exterminator) and there is a 2-mile long stretch of the Baltimore-Washington Parkway that smells exactly like a dirty fish tank. It's not much but it's all I've got. Would yours be any better?

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Priceless

Music books: Free
Piano Organ: Free
Delivery to the house: Free
Unloading and putting into place: approximately $3,500.00 in medical bills.

Having another story that makes everyone laugh with (and just a little bit at) you: PRICELESS!

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Wordless Wednesay

Check this site out for more Kanye love kanyegate.tumblr.com

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Theo & Thea

I was messing around on YouTube tonight when out of nowhere my husband decided that I MUST see a show from his childhood. It's called "Theo en Thea" and it's pretty much the Dutch answer to Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. These two bat-shit crazy people teach kids about make-believe, life & death and of course ball room dancing. Please, please, please you must watch this clip. You're going to be completely lost with the language but trust me it's worth it. Pay special attention to the following moments ...

• 5:13 Theo advises the gents not to wear any pants that might be too tight ... unfortunately Theo did not take his own advice.
• 5:45 Just incase you missed anything the first time.
• 5:57 Thea warns the girls with big "girls" to wear a sturdy bra so you don't knock out your dance partner.
• 6:37 One more time for good measure.

If these two were on Dancing With The Stars I might actually tune-in for once. Be sure to check out Theo en Thea - Stijldansen (deel 2) for the conclusion of the lessson. Personally I'm a bit too disturbed to continue. (Did I mention this is a kids show??) But I must admit, this explains A LOT about my husband and my in-laws.

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No one can tell Jamie!

Time for The Bee's newest guest blogger! This one is from Sherri about a little incident she had with her daughter Jamie's cat, Snickers. Please enjoy ...

Okay so funny story this morning......I had a little battle with wait for it......Super......wait for it......Glue.

I needed to repair my purse a little so Jamie gave me a bottle of super glue which I thought was already opened. I went to squeeze it out and nothing came out so I though it was clogged so I went to cut the tip of the bottle off. Then nothing would still come out....I then took the whole top off and realized it wasn't opened. I punctured the top and when I did...yes, all you know what broke loose and it went everywhere. Got it all over my nails that I just had done last night, my hands and the counter top. At this moment is when Snickers wanted to see what was going on so he jumped up on the counter and I went to stop him and put my right hand on him. Needless to say at that point I was winging a cat around by his hair which was now stuck to my right hand with the super glue. He freaked out and tried to bite my arm, I finally got a hold of some treats and calmed him down long enough to cut his hair so that I could get my hand off of his middle section. I was late for work this morning trying to get all the superglue and cat hair off my hands. What a MESS!

No one can tell Jamie!

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Blog Award

I was lucky enough to receive a blog award from two great bloggers this week.

So a BIG thanks to :

Donna from http://www.cuteasabuggy.blogspot.com/

Staci from http://www.justbloggled.com/

You should probably stop what you're doing and visit them right now and see what craziness they're up to today. Thanks ladies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In response I have decided to come up with an award of my own ... may I present to you The Bee's Knees 2009 Blog Award! And for it's inaugural presentation I have chosen to bestow the award on only the very best blogs.
BE WARNED: There will be rules to this award but they are easy and you can think of them more as suggestions really.

1) When accepting your Bee's Knees award you should link back to the person that presented it to you.

2) You should pass the love onto any other blogger(s) as many or as few as you so desire.

That's it folks! No need to delve into a list of your 75 most embarrassing moments or anything like that (unless you want to ... I mean everyone likes embarrassing moments as long as they aren't their own, right?)

I'll be giving the award to some of the blogs I've discovered more recently:

1) cuteasabuggy
2) justbloggled
3) staciesmadness
4) unlikelyoilfieldwife
5) monsterawr
6) inconsequentiallogic
7) dirtyshank

P.S. Due to my guilty conscience ... honorable mention goes to ARIA from Aria'zink ;)

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Tamps & Hoops

To keep ourselves awake and motivated at work, my family sometimes has an impromptu chat room in the form of e-mail chains. They are often insightful and always hilarious. I had to share with readers of The Bee, a snippet from the conversation today. Please excuse punctuation/spelling/grammar - this was not intended to be published.

A little warning for the boys - this is about some delicate female-issues, you may want to just stop now.


A little background for those of you still with us - when I say "my family" I really mean the women in the family. I come from a fairly large family with LOTS of sisters and daughters. A male birth has been so rare that we celebrate it with a ritual sacrifice. Not goats or chickens or anything - pretty much just pastry. Come to think of it, we pretty much celebrate everything with a ritual sacrifice. We're hard-core like that. Anyway, this past weekend two of the sisters ("Lynn" and "Louise") went on a little vacation to the beach and there were some issues with tampons.

**Buggys made an excellent point - you should know that "Lynn" is not some stupid teenager. She is in fact a grown woman with stupid teenagers of her own.

(( Names and places have been changed to protect the innocent))

Lynn says:

Okay, here goes......and this does not go on anyone's blog......Last week down the beach I had to use them. Haven't ever used them much before and it was horrible. With the first couple I was scared to cough, and having just been sick, that was an issue, so every time I coughed I held myself hoping it didn't just rocket fire out. Then I decided I needed to use super plus. So I bought new one's. However after the first one of those, which were a little different, when I pulled it out I realized that I had left the cardboard on the tampon itself. Now it was a little unraveled due to the absorption of bodily fluids, hopefully it is all out of that area by the time I go for my yearly. I have to say they are a dangerous product and should be used by only experienced personnel!



Louise says:

I took Frank off of the email for the rest of this story! Lynn was a riot, the tampon issue was hysterical and luckily nothing rocket fired out of "the area". The first day she was quite concerned (as one might assume, having never really used tampons before). Hoofing it back and forth to the truck to get to a bathroom to make "the change" gets to be quite time consuming (and hot and exhausting). So, in her infinite wisdom, Lynn became a pro the second day. There was going to be none of that walking back and forth, sweating, losing a good parking spot, etc. So, she decided to change her tampon in the parking lot at the truck. Granted, it was ingenious, and she did quite well and came well prepared. She had JR's truck all week, so she opened both doors, hiked the right leg up on the truck, took out and put back in a new one ... INGENIOUS! She came prepared with bags, wipes, tweezers (for cardboard parts if necessary), five extra bathing suits, a sign saying "take a picture it will last longer", etc. She was a PRO after only one day. OK, there were really no tweezers, extra baby-hoots or a sign .. but it made the story sound better.

Now ... on Thursday, the waves were a bit big... fun, but bigger and rougher than normal. Lynn was sporting a pair of sterling silver hoops that JR had gotten her and wore them every day. By the way Lynn, they enhanced the look everyday, kudos! We got in the water and it wasn't but seconds later when a wave smacked her in the head and one of the earrings fell out. Upset she was ( I would be too). Michelle and I looked up on shore just to see if it had washed up, it hadn't. Next day, there she was sporting the earrings, where was it you ask .... I'll tell you. She took her bathing suit off that night (after mind you, the rest of the day on the beach and an hour and a 1/2 ride home to JR's house), it fell out of her crotch! Now, how could ya not feel that one? Well, I guess coming from the woman who stuck the cardboard up there, you could understand why!

All was well in the world of Lynn by Friday, no tampons, earrings were in ... BUT the water was too damn rough to even get in.

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Yellow Submarine

Is it just me or are The Beatles once again taking over the world? More popular than Jesus for sure this time, maybe even more popular than those Highschool Musical kids ... I doubt it though.
I just found out they're making a new version of Yellow Submarine!! I know I mentioned my love of this movie once before but let me make it official. I love all things Beatles! I even talked my mother into taking me to Beatlfest when I was like 15 and it was a blast - I highly recommend it to all fans out there Actually, even if you're not that big of a fan, there is some seriously good people watching. Believe.




And The Beatles Rock Band is going to me freaking AMAZING. Now I just need to get my damn Xbox working again...

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Wordless Wednesday

courtesy of www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com

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You Suck At Life

In my office we have several printing stations; one for each department. This morning the entire office received an email that the printer for our Maryland Worker's Compensation department was out of service and that the repairman had been called. Why then does some chick from that department chose this morning to work on her massive file copying project? And why does she choose to do it any my department's copier?

Now I have to walk clear across the office to use the copier in the mail room every five minutes!

I suppose I could use the exercise ... maybe it's a blessing in disguise. But I still think that was a stupid decisions and I still think she sucks at life - at least for today.

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Extras!

Who loves Ricky Gervais?? I DO! I DO! Of course everyone knows him from "The Office" but have you ever seen his follow up series "Extras" ?? I have to say I'm a bigger fan of the second show myself and can't wait for his next project. If you haven't seen "Extras" it features Gervais playing a struggling actor named Andy, who's only real work is as an extra. Each episode features a cameo from a list celebs like Robert DeNiro, Ben Stiller, Samuel L. Jackson and Orlando Bloom. If you haven't seen it check out this clip ... Gervais's character, Andy, has shown up to audition for a play directed by Sir Ian McKellan. McKellan proceeds to describe the fine art of "acting" to Andy.

If you're a fan of Ricky Gervais or "The Office" you must watch the reunion show coming soon. Below is a teaser for the show.

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Hey Ya

Check out this acoustic cover of Outkast's Hey Ya. There is something about a guy with a massive moutain-man beard that I find appealing. Maybe it's just a respect for the amount of time it must have taken to grow the thing ... anyway this guy Matt Weedle has an amazing voice - please enjoy.

And just for kicks - here's the original ...

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Bits & Pieces

I've been uninspired lately with the posting - I apologize. I thought I would throw out a few highlights (or low-lights in some cases) of my last few days. So, in no particular order:

1. My office had a party planned for Monday afternoon this week. Well, to be fair, they called it a "Meeting" but lets be realistic; it was from 12:00 - 4:00, it was being catered, there were games planned and it was AT THE FREAKING PARK, so I'm going with party on this one. For some reason though, the partners decided to take up about 3 hours of our party time talking about the firm's "Core Values" and "Case Goals" and new "Attorneys" and new "Office Locations" and all kinds of other nonsense that did not involve the word "Cake" so I was pissed.

2. Once we finally got to the games it was a hot mess. The highlight of which was "Marshmallow Golf" no surprise, it was one of the favorites. A bunch of lawyers gathered in a park with golf clubs and tees and a crowd of amateurs - they were in Hog Heaven - everyone of them felt like Tiger Woods when they hit the living shit out of those poor marshmallows. The rest of us pretty much just took our turns swinging and missing but we were fine with it. Somehow my friend Will actually won - he credited the fact that he had played mini-golf with his girlfriend the night before. I don't think the partners were too pleased that this was all it took to overcome their endless hours of schmoozing and putting on courses like Pebble Beach for the last 25 years. I say - SUCK IT GENTLEMEN!

3. Highlight of the highlight - when Will stepped up for the game winning drive he yelled "Smores!" Get it? Smores? Like "Fore" but b/c we were hitting marshmallows he said "smores" ... like the campfire treat ... get it ? it rhymes! You might not think its that funny but damn it if he didn't make me pee my pants.

4. After work I had to go pretty much straight over to a funeral service for my friend's 92 year old grandmother. It was the nicest service I've ever been to - not depressing like they usually are. Probably b/c she was 92! She lived a good long life; most people can only hope for that. But I was tired as shit after my "meeting" that day and I couldn't wait to get home and go to bed. Sleep is good.

5. I was so tired this morning that I forgot to bring a lunch to work with me. And I have a 45 minute commute so going home for lunch is not an option. Plus, I carpool with the above mentioned Will, so I wouldn't be able to leave the office and pick something up either. I was stuck with eating a blueberry pop-tart from my bottom desk drawer. But I got lucky! We had a "seminar" today which basically just involved an doctor bringing us free lunch so we would think about sending some of our clients his way for treatment. Score. There were individually bagged lunches each with a sandwich, salad/chips, cookie & soda/water. They were neatly labeled on the outside. I chose a ham sandwich with a caesar salad, water and a cookie. Not bad right?? Wrong. The salad and water were good - but the sandwich was on some ridiculous tree-hugger bread. It wasn't really bread at all it was birdseed with some dough holding it together and giving it a bread-like shape. I picked at it for about 20 minutes - tried to take a few bites and gave up. I figured I would cut my losses and move on to the cookie. How bad can a cookie be? It was oatmeal which I like, it had raisins which I'm ok with, it also had Craisins which I don't like. Again with all the fruits and nuts?!?! Can't I just get a G.D. cookie?? I ate maybe 1/4 of it and gave up. Ugh. I polled the rest of the office and everyone else enjoyed there's - I only found one other loser that was stuck with the bird seed bread, she was equally depressed.

6. To end this post on a happy note: My husband just turned on Food Network and Emeril is making Banana's Foster Bread Pudding! Seriously, how much do you want to taste that?

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Kelly & Kelly

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

If they are truly in love then I am super happy for them but all I can think of is the logistic hell that they are about to enter. Can you imagine what a pain in the ass it is going to be for banks, utilities, physicians, taxes, cell phones, emails, regular mail ... everything! And if they ever get divorced - God help them!

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You Suck at Life

Enough Said.

Even worse, these guys are breading a new generation ...

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